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Archive for the category “Family”

31 Dec 2013

It’s A Wrap!

Last year I did a New Year’s Eve post in which I made a list of all the things I wanted in 2013: more sex, vacation, more readers, a built-in asshole indicator, just to name a few. As the year draws to a close, in preparation of writing another New Year’s Eve post, and starting a Fat Bottom Girl tradition, I read over it.

I am happy to report that I have gotten 3 out of 8 things I wanted in 2013:

1. Vacation– a couple of days in San Antonio. I learned a lot of lessons on that trip, one being that if you’re dating an asshole, don’t expect him to keep his dick in his pants while you’re out of town on vacation. Also, I figured out I don’t really like to travel alone, because it’s got to be a lot more fun when you have someone there to point and laugh at people with. I am definitely taking more vacation in 2014!

2. More laughter. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten more of this, and a lot of it’s due to some of you bloggers. You guys can be some funny motherfuckers! Yeah, you know who you are. Seriously, sometimes I have to actually cover my mouth while I’m pissing away time at work reading blogs, so my co-workers won’t hear me chortling and guffawing over some of the hilarious shit you write! (God, chortling and guffawing, aren’t those fucking cool words??)

3. I have more readers. As of this posting, I am now up to 198! I have absolutely no idea how this happened, because I still feel like some third-rate word hack when I compare myself to a lot of you, but I want to thank you for reading! (Which reminds me, I apologize if the checks I promised to send for your follow haven’t reached you yet. I swear I sent them! That damn post office needs to get their shit together!)

So as 2013 draws to a close, I didn’t get all the sex I wanted, there’s still never enough time to do everything I need to do, I’m still not satisfied with everything, and I am still trying to perfect the built-in asshole indicator, but my year is ending on a high note! First of all, because my son is coming back to live with me again! Things didn’t quite work out like everyone thought they would, and after more soul-searching, all involved decided it was best for him to be back with me. This makes me a very happy Mom!! All of it probably a hard, but necessary, learning experience for my son, and for me too.

Secondly, I have met someone. He makes me laugh, he’s a great communicator, he’s talented, intelligent, considerate, and he seems to get me and my sometimes nerdy ways. Plus, bonus! He’s a smokin’ hottie. I have no idea where it’s going, and right now I’m trying really hard not to care, and to just enjoy the ride. Everything with him is different than it’s ever been with any other guy, and in my book, that’s a good thing. That’s a damn good thing.

Raise your glasses Fat Bottom Girl followers!! Here’s hoping you get what you need in 2014, because in the immortal words of the Rolling Stones, you can’t always get what you want.

Posted in Family, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged 2013, New Year's wrap-up, where has the year gone?

01 Dec 2013

27 Comments

Turkey With a Side of Adultery

Holidays aren’t just for shaving my brother’s back, they’re also for catching up on hometown gossip. I come from a fairly small town of about 4,000 people, so I am always interested in what’s going on back home in “Peyton Place”. This year, the turkey wasn’t the only juicy tidbit I got. My brother informed me that the married elementary school secretary has been getting busy after hours with a male teacher’s aide. . . . on the principal’s desk!!! WTF?? Hey dumbass, you work in the school, and you aren’t aware there are video cameras all over the place? Whatever happened to kickin’ it old school and driving out into the country and humping in the back seat of your car? An elementary school has to be about one of the un-sexiest places I could think of.

The other story involved a married doctor who went home and professed his love for the married neighbor lady, to his wife. The interesting part of this story being that he told his wife he was leaving her for said married neighbor lady, but wanted to know if it didn’t work out with him and his new love, if he could come back. I can only hope her reply was, “Not only no, but fuck no!”.

Here’s what bothers me about this–it makes me feel like there’s no hope. If at some point I would manage to get a man, is he just going to cheat on me? My ex-husband cheated. I have had more than one boyfriend who has cheated. Could I even hope to have a relationship with a man who would be faithful? Maybe that’s the reason I’m still single.

Posted in Family, Relationships and tagged adultery, cheating, faithful, relationships

21 Aug 2013

40 Comments

F*&k You and Your Stick Figure Family!

Can I just say how much I hate this shit? It started out with these stupid little stick figure things, but like an unsuspecting pimple, it has grown into a huge boil on the ass of fucking mini-vans and SUVs all over the nation! People couldn’t be happy with the happy-ass little stick figure family—they had to come up with different types of families, just so no one would feel left out in the pervasive cultural wave of “political correctness”.

Now we have the skull and cross-bones family. What are you trying to tell people with this? That you’re a whole family of bad-asses? That you’re poison? That you’re all fans of one particular album by the group Cypress Hill, or that it’s the fucking pirate life for you? If it’s the latter, maybe you should upgrade and go with one of these:

I guess we could refer to that as the swashbuckling stick figure family. Fuck you all, I hope you get scurvy. Jack Sparrow is the only pirate I would want to know, and that’s just because he’s hot. But wait a minute, let’s not leave all you Harry Potter fans out! Here’s one for you too:

If you even think about putting that shit on your car, I hope the Dementors get you!! Let’s not forget about all our single lady friends out there!! You know the ones I’m talking about.

Nothing like letting everyone know you’re how EXTREMELY single you are, and most likely you will stay. (Maybe I better file this one away for future reference. Might need to put something like this on my car in the future. ;)) For you Star Wars fans in the house:

And the Zombie freaks:

When it comes to Zombies, it would be my preference to see this:

In keeping up with current trends of sharing every little personal detail of our social lives on Facebook, we might as well do it on our car too, and let the general public know, because we can’t be BFFs with everyone on the FB. . . . .

Yep, count ’em. That be 5 babies. Hmmm. . . .are we sure there’s only one baby daddy been up in there?? Or are you telling everyone that after a couple of kids with this loser, you hadn’t figured out he was an alcoholic bum that was dippin’ his wick elsewhere?? Don’t they make stick figure condoms?? Are you getting the stick figure food stamps??

Praise all that is fucking holy in the name of Joseph Smith and religious freedom, and don’t leave out the Mormons!!

Is that the “Sister Wives” suburban???

Secretly, I am quite fond of the “illustrations” of how to go about “making” a stick figure family, but the previous family doesn’t need any lessons in making babies!

I wish a fucking T-Rex would come along and eat all these dumb asses!! And I get my wish:

If you couldn’t tell, the following represent my general feeling about this stupid shit on your vehicle:

Why couldn’t we just stick to some clever bumper stickers??

Posted in Family and tagged a boil on my ass, mini-vans and SUVs, political correctness, stick figure family, stupid shit that pisses me off

15 Aug 2013

26 Comments

First Day of School

Today is the first time in eight years that I haven’t been with my son on his first day of school. I had planned to be there, just to drop him off, but when I talked to him on the phone the other night, he let me know that he would just walk to school like all the other kids. I know he isn’t a baby anymore, though he will always be my baby, and this is just a part of allowing him to grow up and become an independent adult. I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much because the reality is setting in that he doesn’t live with me anymore.

Posted in Family and tagged first day of school, growing up, junior high, raising independent children, school

12 Aug 2013

38 Comments

Practicing Acceptance

After 12 years I feel as if I have failed you. I’m not claiming I was always the best mother, but I am the mother who will always love you the best, and love you the most. But I feel like I have failed you. I always thought I would be able to create another family for you. I had hoped to do that–to meet a really great guy who was really good for both of us, one that would love you like you were his own. One that would love you simply because you are a part of me, because that would be how much he loves me, and because he would know how much I love you. But I didn’t do that, so I failed you. After the third time, your dad finally got it right, and now you have a really great step-mom. She doesn’t try to be your mom and replace me, but she is just a natural nurturer, and she’s good to you. You like that family atmosphere that your dad’s marriage gives you, and I don’t blame you. That’s all I ever wanted after my parents divorced. I just wanted that family again; to be a part of something. I wanted to get married, and have kids, at least a couple, and have that family. But that didn’t happen. The dream was nothing like the reality, and it was over before it started. I feel like I can’t give you what you feel like you need right now, and that breaks my heart. Up until now I haven’t ever felt that way. I felt like the way things were was good enough. I still felt like I was doing a good enough job, and that I was giving you everything you needed. I don’t feel that way now. Someday, you will understand why that breaks my heart. Why every time I let the reality of you not being here slip into my waking brain, that it is physically painful for me. Do you know what the worst part is? I know that I have to learn to be okay with it. I have to learn to accept it, or it will kill me. And it won’t kill me quickly. Doing what is right, and doing what is best, are usually some of the hardest things you will ever have to do in life, and in time you will come to realize this. I just want you to know this is one of the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it’s because I love you so much.

Posted in Family, Uncategorized and tagged acceptance, divorce, extended families, families, my son, remarriage, sons and mothers

29 Jul 2013

39 Comments

It’s Only Make-Believe

Photo Credit: 123rf.com

Shit just got real. I just got the papers for switching residential custody of my son to his dad. I knew they were coming, and I thought I was prepared to deal with it, but guess what? I’m not. I was fooling myself. I was trying to play make-believe, and dress-up, and pretend I was a big girl that could handle this shit. It feels like I am giving him up. I know that’s not what’s happening, but it reminds me of a day 28 years ago, when I gave up my other child. Why do I have to give up another one?? It’s not fair, and I know life isn’t fair, but god dammit!! I don’t want to do it. I want to change my mind. I want him to come home, and be here with me until he’s 18. I don’t want to let him go.

Posted in Family and tagged custody, family, son, this shit isn't fair and I don't like it, time to live with dad

19 Jul 2013

5 Comments

Damage Control

I went to watch your daughter ride her horse last night
She said the last time she had seen you was at her graduation
That maybe she spoke five words to you

She is angry
She feels like you abandoned her
She doesn’t like your new wife
And it makes me glad
I was never put in that position

Not to say I told you so
However I tried to warn you
Years ago
But your need to run
Was greater than your devotion to your daughters

The whole thing breaks my heart
But there is nothing I can do about it
You shut me out of your life
Cast me off
Like dead weight
In your attempt to run faster
And farther
Away from your decisions
Instead of standing behind what you knew
In your heart was right

I hope some day
You realize what you are missing out on
And that you also try
To repair the damage that has been done
Because even though she might not need a lot
She will always need her daddy

Posted in Family, Relationships and tagged a girl needs her daddy, abandonment, are you done running yet?, fathers and daughters, on being a responsible father

16 Jun 2013

He Thinks Farts Are Funny, and So Do I

We haven’t always seen eye to eye,
and we never will,
“Especially since I have been taller than you since about 8th grade,” said I, in my sarcastic tone, which I get from you.
I remember I was your favorite until my brother came along. . .
I remember you used to take me with you, and sometimes let me sit on your lap and drive the car. . .
I remember watching you soap your arms down and wash off with the garden hose, upon returning home after a day spent cutting wheat. . .
I remember the time you tried to fix the bathroom sink and got so pissed off, you knocked it off the wall and water went everywhere. . .
I remember you bringing home stock tanks in the summertime to be filled with waters, so I could swim before my hometown had a pool. . .
I remember you picking me up to give me hugs and rubbing your whiskers against my cheek and saying “gruzzle, gruzzle, gruzzle”. . .
I remember you telling me your disappointment in me because you didn’t like my performance in a basketball game. . .
I remember your disapproval in my choices of men, hair color and style, and the fact I don’t have Jesus in my life. . .
I remember you teaching me how to drive, I had to master a standard first before you would let me drive an automatic. . .
I remember how much you have made me laugh over the years with your particular brand of humor: finding farts hilarious, and utilizing an endless string of euphemisms. . .
I remember you are the one who taught me how to dance the two-step, and tell a good tale to a captive audience. . .
I remember how badly I felt for you when you and mom were divorcing and you were living in the camper. I knew you were sad and hurt, but I also knew there was nothing I could do for you. . .
I remember asking you to come to church with me, one Father’s Day, about 30 years ago, and you did, and it saved you, and you’ve been going ever since. . .
I remember, every day, that I love you, and I know that you love me, and would do anything you could for me. . .
Even though we will never see eye to eye.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD! I LOVE YOU!!!

Posted in Family and tagged fathers and daughters, Happy Father's Day, ironic that I'm the one who took you to church but no longer believes, my dad cracks me up | Leave a comment

13 Jun 2013

6 Comments

My Mother, My Self

I love you so much
Why have you become so judgemental of me,
Of my choices?
What is it you wanted me to be?
I am a college graduate.
I am a good mom.
I am a homeowner.
I am an individual.
I don’t think like you.
I don’t feel like you.
I am just me.
And at 44 years of age,
I don’t know how to be anything else than me.
I believe you want what’s best for me,
but you can’t decide what, or who, that is.
I am the only one who can decide those things.
Your passive/aggressive ways only drive me farther from you.
Your snarky comments only make me angry.
You used to know when to be my mother, and when to be my friend. . .

Posted in Family, Uncategorized and tagged I am grown but still need a mother once in awhile, I have to decide what is best for me, your judgements drive us apart

03 Jun 2013

24 Comments

Fall-Out

I sit in the Wendy’s, seated so I can see the parking lot of the convenience store next door. It’s like I am an undercover cop waiting for a drug deal to go down. It’s nothing close to that illicit, it’s simply the exchange of a child from dad to mom. Even though The Cowboy and I now live together, I don’t participate in the exchange. Does it bother me that I can’t be in the car when he meets his son’s mother to pick up or drop off? Not really. I have been down that road, and remember the whole situation being extremely uncomfortable, when newly divorced, my ex and I would make the exchange. My ex and I have been past that for quite some time, and co-parent our son quite effectively, but that comes with the passing of years, and released anger, and often, with new love.

For some reason though, today the waiting bothers me. It bothers me as she steps out of the vehicle in a dress. I wonder about the dress. Is she wearing it for The Cowboy? Or has she come directly from seeing a new man in her life, and it was worn for his benefit instead? My mind begins to race, swirling with insecurities; once that particular tornado starts, it is nearly impossible to stop. I watch The Cowboy place his son in his mother’s backseat and strap him in. The Cowboy’s son has lit up the house for the last week with his laughter, and his voice, as only the wonderment of a 4 year old can do, and I will miss him.

The hour and 15 minute ride home feels much longer, as I try not to let The Cowboy see my insecurities, or hear them when I open my mouth to speak. I keep trying to tell myself in my head that I am good enough, that I am just as pretty, or prettier, than her, that I am more educated than her, that I have a better job, that I own my own house. But none of those things matter in this card game, because she trumps me every time. She is the mother of his child; his only child. I am just the girlfriend.

I eventually speak to The Cowboy of my insecurities. He has sensed them, but didn’t ask about it. He does what he can to reassure me. He tells me again, he has no desire to get back together with her, he is just trying to keep the peace with her, for fear of her withholding visitation of his son from him. I tell him I understand, as I have seen how inconsistent she can be. I never want to come between him and his son. I would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship.

So I shall wait.

At the Wendy’s.

As long as it takes.

For two individuals to heal themselves.

In order the be the best co-parents to their son they can be.

The best movie I have ever seen about how heart-wrenching raising kids after divorce can be. But it also lets you know that love can heal all.

Bye Bye Love – The best movie I have ever seen about how heart-wrenching raising kids after divorce can be. But it also lets you know that love can heal all.

Posted in Family, Relationships and tagged being respectful of the kid exchange, breaking up is hard to do, Bye Bye Love, co-parenting effectively, the kid exchange is the hardest part

Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the category “Family”

It’s A Wrap!

Turkey With a Side of Adultery

F*&k You and Your Stick Figure Family!

First Day of School

Practicing Acceptance

It’s Only Make-Believe

Damage Control

He Thinks Farts Are Funny, and So Do I

My Mother, My Self

Fall-Out

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