Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

F*&k You and Your Stick Figure Family!

sticks

Can I just say how much I hate this shit?  It started out with these stupid little stick figure things, but like an unsuspecting pimple, it has grown into a huge boil on the ass of fucking mini-vans and SUVs all over the nation!  People couldn’t be happy with the happy-ass little stick figure family—they had to come up with different types of families, just so no one would feel left out in the pervasive cultural wave of “political correctness”.

skulls

Now we have the skull and cross-bones family.  What are you trying to tell people with this?  That you’re a whole family of bad-asses?  That you’re poison?  That you’re all fans of one particular album by the group Cypress Hill, or that it’s the fucking pirate life for you?  If it’s the latter, maybe you should upgrade and go with one of these:

pirates

I guess we could refer to that as the swashbuckling stick figure family.  Fuck you all, I hope you get scurvy.  Jack Sparrow is the only pirate I would want to know, and that’s just because he’s hot.  But wait a minute, let’s not leave all you Harry Potter fans out!  Here’s one for you too:

harryp

If you even think about putting that shit on your car, I hope the Dementors get you!!  Let’s not forget about all our single lady friends out there!!  You know the ones I’m talking about.

crazycatlady

Nothing like letting everyone know you’re how EXTREMELY single you are, and most likely you will stay.  (Maybe I better file this one away for future reference.  Might need to put something like this on my car in the future.  ;)) For you Star Wars fans in the house:

star wars

And the Zombie freaks:

zombies

When it comes to Zombies, it would be my preference to see this:

zombiesate

In keeping up with current trends of sharing every little personal detail of our social lives on Facebook, we might as well do it on our car too, and let the general public know, because we can’t be BFFs with everyone on the FB. . . . .

babydaddy

Yep, count ’em.  That be 5 babies.  Hmmm. . . .are we sure there’s only one baby daddy been up in there??  Or are you telling everyone that after a couple of kids with this loser, you hadn’t figured out he was an alcoholic bum that was dippin’ his wick elsewhere??  Don’t they make stick figure condoms??  Are you getting the stick figure food stamps??

Praise all that is fucking holy in the name of Joseph Smith and religious freedom, and don’t leave out the Mormons!!

utah

Is that the “Sister Wives” suburban???

Secretly, I am quite fond of the “illustrations” of how to go about “making” a stick figure family, but the previous family doesn’t need any lessons in making babies!

makingfamily

I wish a fucking T-Rex would come along and eat all these dumb asses!!  And I get my wish:

trex

If you couldn’t tell, the following represent my general feeling about this stupid shit on your vehicle:

flyingfnobodycares

run

Why couldn’t we just stick to some clever bumper stickers??

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40 thoughts on “F*&k You and Your Stick Figure Family!

  1. LOVE the single woman with all the cats! I mean, I don’t have anything at all on my car, but I could totally get behind a bunch of cats to keep the riff-raff away 🙂 Also, on FB there’s a Grumpy Cat that says something like, “Your stick family was delicious.” Ha!

  2. I guess we know where you would like to stick it

  3. Loved this …. and I totally agree I am about done with those stick figures!!

  4. Ha! Did you ever see the short video I think it was on Tosh where the officer asks the woman involved in a car crash if so and so was her son and when he said yes the officer scraped a boy stick figure from the window? It was funny.

  5. Amen. I used to seethe at the Baby on Board yellow diamond. Why is that relevant to me? On the other hand, I wish I had invented stick figure family stickers. I’d be typing this from a balcony in St. Kitts.

    • At the very least, I wish I had invented one of those “as seen on TV” crap gadgets that get everyone running to the store, and I would be famous because I could do my own infomercial! lol

  6. I wasn’t a fan either, until you posted some awesome ones!

  7. Yeah, I can see how they would get annoying after awhile. I hate bumper stickers in general, nothing says asshole like a bumper sticker.

  8. Oh, hell, please tell me those are all real vehicles with real decals. We need a fleet of those in Portland, OR, to offset the stick figure family infestation. Thankfully, there are sundry snarky stickers to make up for it around here. You should have seen the parking lots during Bush’s second presidential campaign. Hoo-boy.

    Only one I have is the fish holding a wrench that says Evolve. I figure it’s all-inclusive.

    • I hadn’t seen the snarky ones until I googled for the pics, but am loving them!! I have seen ones with the “mom” stick figure missing, and it says something like, “Seeking Replacement”! lol

      • I’ve seen one where a smaller stick figure appears horizontal across the adult female stick figure’s abdomen. I’m gonna assume it’s a Buy New Child Stick Figure Soon indicator.

        Also, I’m gonna assume that’s the Mom. But it could be one of the elder daughters, we are living in the age of I Will Tell You Everything About My Pap Smear on Facebook, so I’m assuming there are no secrets on rear windows, either.

  9. I. HATE. STICK. PEOPLE. ON. CARS.
    Thank you. no offense to anyone here..it irritates my inner soul. and you are right…its like fb isn’t enough, or the license plate thing…lets just add how many us and our cats and dogs to the windshield…good grief.

  10. Hilarious!!! I haven’t seen these before as we don’t have them over here. Yet. I hope they don’t arrive!

  11. This is awesome! And I guess I’m too sheltered up here in the northlands. I haven’t seen these at all. Not that I’m complaining about that.

  12. It’s really funny, because I used to want a stick figure family like this. Now, I’d be happy with a dinosaur, a dog, and a pile of books.

  13. I got such a hoot out of this….Dang, that was good. Got here via Dr. Oolie and glad I did….

  14. Laughing way too hard right now:)

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