Can I just say how much I hate this shit? It started out with these stupid little stick figure things, but like an unsuspecting pimple, it has grown into a huge boil on the ass of fucking mini-vans and SUVs all over the nation! People couldn’t be happy with the happy-ass little stick figure family—they had to come up with different types of families, just so no one would feel left out in the pervasive cultural wave of “political correctness”.
Now we have the skull and cross-bones family. What are you trying to tell people with this? That you’re a whole family of bad-asses? That you’re poison? That you’re all fans of one particular album by the group Cypress Hill, or that it’s the fucking pirate life for you? If it’s the latter, maybe you should upgrade and go with one of these:
I guess we could refer to that as the swashbuckling stick figure family. Fuck you all, I hope you get scurvy. Jack Sparrow is the only pirate I would want to know, and that’s just because he’s hot. But wait a minute, let’s not leave all you Harry Potter fans out! Here’s one for you too:
If you even think about putting that shit on your car, I hope the Dementors get you!! Let’s not forget about all our single lady friends out there!! You know the ones I’m talking about.
Nothing like letting everyone know you’re how EXTREMELY single you are, and most likely you will stay. (Maybe I better file this one away for future reference. Might need to put something like this on my car in the future. ;)) For you Star Wars fans in the house:
And the Zombie freaks:
When it comes to Zombies, it would be my preference to see this:
In keeping up with current trends of sharing every little personal detail of our social lives on Facebook, we might as well do it on our car too, and let the general public know, because we can’t be BFFs with everyone on the FB. . . . .
Yep, count ’em. That be 5 babies. Hmmm. . . .are we sure there’s only one baby daddy been up in there?? Or are you telling everyone that after a couple of kids with this loser, you hadn’t figured out he was an alcoholic bum that was dippin’ his wick elsewhere?? Don’t they make stick figure condoms?? Are you getting the stick figure food stamps??
Praise all that is fucking holy in the name of Joseph Smith and religious freedom, and don’t leave out the Mormons!!
Is that the “Sister Wives” suburban???
Secretly, I am quite fond of the “illustrations” of how to go about “making” a stick figure family, but the previous family doesn’t need any lessons in making babies!
I wish a fucking T-Rex would come along and eat all these dumb asses!! And I get my wish:
If you couldn’t tell, the following represent my general feeling about this stupid shit on your vehicle:
Why couldn’t we just stick to some clever bumper stickers??
