Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

I Lost It

It was another one of those mornings.  I guess I am just in a certain mood, feeling emotionally bankrupt I guess,  and I heard a certain song, and I lost it.  That hiccup of air and the tears start.  I wanted to stop them, didn’t want to ruin my makeup, but I couldn’t stop.  Can I pinpoint the reason for the tears?  No, it’s most likely a number of things–thinking about my post at Deliberate Donkey going live this morning, the fact my son was sick yesterday and it was the first time I wasn’t there to take care of him, or how lately there has been a looming question in the back of my mind that I may never have an answer to.  I keep wondering when the last time was that a man loved me—I mean really loved me, like a person should be loved, or if a man has ever loved me like that.  Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes again, because I know it’s possible no man has ever truly loved me, or ever will.  That scares the shit out of me.  So here’s the song that caused all this shit this morning, listen at your own risk:


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12 thoughts on “I Lost It

  1. Just checked out your post on Deliberate Donkey, and commented. I can remember when I was feeling very low actively seeking songs or news I could cry over. I hope your cry helped. Hang in there you are getting through and brighter days will come.

  2. Melanie on said:

    What is it about not wanting to ruin our make-up that keeps of from shedding the tears that will so thoroughly remove the toxins of our emotional baggage.

    • I just hate to cry. Even after all these years, I still see it as a sign of weakness. I try so fucking hard to be tough, when in reality, all I want is a guy to love me, and be able to see that softer side of me, and nurture it. Kind of sad and pathetic, but I am kind of tired of being so tough all the time. Only way I know how to be though.

  3. You are worthy. This post brought me comfort for some reason. Not because you are sad, but because life is hard and all we need to survive is love. And we are all in this together. No one gets a free pass. We have to work at composure sometimes, and sometimes we just have to cry.

    • It seems simple doesn’t it? That all we need to survive is love? That something so simple can make all the difference in the world, yet often seems so hard to come by? I often wonder if I have bad karma or something.

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