How in the hell am I supposed to amass a cult following if I have no followers?? Seriously people, where did all my stalkers go?
What’s that? You said I basically dropped off the face of the earth during this last year and didn’t post on regular basis so you all abandoned this fat bottom ship?
Okay, I see how you are.
Well, I’m back. At least for now. I’ll be here when the feeling hits me
I’ve promised myself I won’t worry about stats, even though obviously I do because I hate not having any followers. Doesn’t every writer want to be wildly popular? Seriously, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t have a fucking blog, so you might as well be honest about being an attention whore.
So in the spirit of attention whoring, here’s something I want you to do–follow me on Twitter at @fatbottomgirl1. The one is because I’m the fucking original, and all the others are just imitations
I tweet some hilarious shit, it’s just that no one ever reads it. If you don’t follow me, here’s some of the shit you’ve missed:
I wore all black to work the other day. Boss asked if I had a funeral. I told him yes, a little piece of me dies each day I come there.
What’s the big deal about a thigh gap? If I stand around with my legs spread I have a fucking thigh gap too.
Found out an ex-bf’s wife is now a photographer. Let’s hope she can photoshop him a bigger penis.
My hands smell like Vaseline and bacon. I must be at a sex party with really good snacks.
Your average Kansas bar is basically Walmart with beer.
On a pessimism scale I’m a cat. Regardless of how much anything there is, my bowl is always half full.
Why does all corned beef in a can come from Argentina? Is that the only place beef is cornable?
46 quickly approaches making bifocals a necessity for all close-up work, even blow jobs.
Hobby Lobby’s so holy roller it makes me feel like the ultimate atheist sinner when I shop there.
For some reason I feel like this day was a total waste of pants.
Beware men who write under a pseudonym. But mostly who live life under one.
Can deep throat a 10′ dick but gags while trying to brush the back of her tongue. #pornstarproblems
You should actually get out of your marriage before getting into. . . .another woman’s vagina.
If Bartles & James is more appreciative of your support than your current SO, you might be in the wrong relationship.
Revenge is a dish best served. . . .with wine. Lots of wine.