Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Cult Followings

How in the hell am I supposed to amass a cult following if I have no followers??  Seriously people, where did all my stalkers go?

What’s that?  You said I basically dropped off the face of the earth during this last year and didn’t post on regular basis so you all abandoned this fat bottom ship?

Okay, I see how you are.

Well, I’m back.  At least for now.  I’ll be here when the feeling hits me

I’ve promised myself I won’t worry about stats, even though obviously I do because I hate not having any followers.  Doesn’t every writer want to be wildly popular?  Seriously, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t have a fucking blog, so you might as well be honest about being an attention whore.

So in the spirit of attention whoring, here’s something I want you to do–follow me on Twitter at @fatbottomgirl1.  The one is because I’m the fucking original, and all the others are just imitations

I tweet some hilarious shit, it’s just that no one ever reads it.  If you don’t follow me, here’s some of the shit you’ve missed:

I wore all black to work the other day.  Boss asked if I had a funeral.  I told him yes, a little piece of me dies each day I come there.

What’s the big deal about a thigh gap?  If I stand around with my legs spread I have a fucking thigh gap too.

Found out an ex-bf’s wife is now a photographer.  Let’s hope she can photoshop him a bigger penis.

My hands smell like Vaseline and bacon.  I must be at a sex party with really good snacks.

Your average Kansas bar is basically Walmart with beer.

On a pessimism scale I’m a cat.  Regardless of how much anything there is, my bowl is always half full.

Why does all corned beef in a can come from Argentina? Is that the only place beef is cornable?

46 quickly approaches making bifocals a necessity for all close-up work, even blow jobs.

Hobby Lobby’s so  holy roller it makes me feel like the ultimate atheist sinner when I shop there.

For some reason I feel like this day was a total waste of pants.

Beware men who write under a pseudonym. But mostly who live life under one.

Can deep throat a 10′ dick but gags while trying to brush the back of her tongue. #pornstarproblems

You should actually get out of your marriage before getting into. . . .another woman’s vagina.

If Bartles & James is more appreciative of your support than your current SO, you might be in the wrong relationship.

Revenge is a dish best served. . . .with wine. Lots of wine.

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6 thoughts on “Cult Followings

  1. You will never get shed of me. Lol! Glad to see you’re back! I agree with you, blogging should be on your terms anything else is just Facebook.👍

  2. FatBottom!!! How I’ve missed you, sis. I almost choked to death on these:
    “What’s the big deal about a thigh gap? If I stand around with my legs spread I have a fucking thigh gap too.” and “Can deep throat a 10′ dick but gags while trying to brush the back of her tongue. #pornstarproblems”. Hahahahahahah!! I’ll never leave you, sis. My blog stats have died, too. It’s part of the gig and yes, it bothers me, too. But, we’ll hang in there. Your real tribe, your family, your sister and brother writers will never leave you. Rock that FatBottom, girl! LOL! 🙂

    • Lizzy!!! So happy to hear from you!! When I’m sad and needing reassurance, I always return to blogging. It has been my touch stone for almost 4 years, and I have found amazing support through my blogger friends. I will most likely write soon about where I’ve been, and what’s happened for me to feel the need to return full force. I’ve been having a life lesson. 😉 Much love to you!!

  3. “Twitter is a Fad” Mark Zuckerberg

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