“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
That Kahlil Gibran, he was one smart motherfucker. Can I say that?? Is that really appropriate to say about a poet? Probably not, but since when am I appropriate? I think this passage is the perfect bit of advice when it comes to relationships. However, I have never really put it into practice. I have said even people who are in love need time to themselves, but I have only paid it lip service. After last night, and a chat with my “Knight on a Paint Horse”, it is time to actually do it.
See, it seems I had been doing the same thing I always do when I get into a new relationship–smothering. I wanted to be with him all the time! Yes, like all the fucking time. I wanted to see him after work, and before work, and sleep in the same bed (yes, it has moved rather quickly), and spend all our time together on the weekends! So I led, and he followed, until he couldn’t follow anymore, and he finally said something about it. I took it well, because I know I do this. Hell, I think I know why I do this; I am half a bucket full of crazy. That’s not quite the reason, but it’s close. I do it, so I can keep him close to me, because I have an extreme fear of losing him. What?? Yep. It’s true. After being left more than once by a man, I seem to have packed up this nasty little bag with abandonment issues.
But what better way of making sure a man never abandons you for another woman, if you have him in your sights constantly? Oh, wait, you don’t think that’s the way to keep a man? You think it’s better to let him have his space? You think I shouldn’t focus all my attention on him, and keep some of it on myself? You think I need to keep a sense of myself, because a relationship will never work if I don’t remain true to who I am, and if he doesn’t do the same? Do you think there should be spaces in our togetherness? I agree. Did I just say I agree? Yep. I do. But I can’t say it any better than Kahlil Gibran said it, so read it again. Then maybe read it again.