Relationship Lessons – Volume I
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
That Kahlil Gibran, he was one smart motherfucker. Can I say that?? Is that really appropriate to say about a poet? Probably not, but since when am I appropriate? I think this passage is the perfect bit of advice when it comes to relationships. However, I have never really put it into practice. I have said even people who are in love need time to themselves, but I have only paid it lip service. After last night, and a chat with my “Knight on a Paint Horse”, it is time to actually do it.
See, it seems I had been doing the same thing I always do when I get into a new relationship–smothering. I wanted to be with him all the time! Yes, like all the fucking time. I wanted to see him after work, and before work, and sleep in the same bed (yes, it has moved rather quickly), and spend all our time together on the weekends! So I led, and he followed, until he couldn’t follow anymore, and he finally said something about it. I took it well, because I know I do this. Hell, I think I know why I do this; I am half a bucket full of crazy. That’s not quite the reason, but it’s close. I do it, so I can keep him close to me, because I have an extreme fear of losing him. What?? Yep. It’s true. After being left more than once by a man, I seem to have packed up this nasty little bag with abandonment issues.
But what better way of making sure a man never abandons you for another woman, if you have him in your sights constantly? Oh, wait, you don’t think that’s the way to keep a man? You think it’s better to let him have his space? You think I shouldn’t focus all my attention on him, and keep some of it on myself? You think I need to keep a sense of myself, because a relationship will never work if I don’t remain true to who I am, and if he doesn’t do the same? Do you think there should be spaces in our togetherness? I agree. Did I just say I agree? Yep. I do. But I can’t say it any better than Kahlil Gibran said it, so read it again. Then maybe read it again.
I love those words ! They were one of the readings at my wedding but I think I was too immature to really understand them. Now I’m old and wise they make total sense. Yes… that prophet guy is one wise dude !
A passage from The Prophet was read at my wedding. . . to my ex!! lol Guess we didn’t listen, huh??
Gosh…this reminds me of my favorite Pink song.
There is value in space.
Love me some Pink!!
Me, too! She rocks.
It is a blessing and a curse. Is finding the right balance similar to finding the exact tax rate that rich people should pay 🙂
hahaha. . .very true!!
You kill me. When I started reading I was thinking: no way, what got into her?Did she write this? Where did she go? And then. BOOM! You kick down the door with, “That Kahlil Gibran, he was one smart motherfucker.”
I actually have The Prophet. It’s been sitting on my shelf for ten years and I barely even looked at it. After reading this excerpt however, I’ve decided I’m gonna go read it now. That spoke on a very personal level to me. Thanks for posting it.
I own 2 copies of it, that’s how much I love it. This bitch is DEEP!! hahaha
I think sometimes when I can not BE smart I just surround myself with smart motherfuckers. Good man that he brought this to your attention instead of bailing. A keeper. Try and release your hold on his throat and let him breathe. 😉
I agree!! Most guys would just high-tail it straight out the door! lol
Good words. (not just the poet’s either). Thanks for sharing.
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