Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the category “Lazy Asses”

Lazy Asses – Installment #3

Truck drivers!  You lazy asses!  What is this fascination with pissing in gallon containers and leaving them on the exit ramp?  Seriously, I understand your need to urinate.  I would even go so far as to say I understand your need to urinate in an old milk jug, because you need to make time and can’t spare the ten minutes to pull into the rest area and take a proper whiz.  But really, could you do the rest of us the courtesy of disposing of your pee properly?  Who in the fuck do you think is going to pick up that jug of apple juice looking piss you have so kindly left sitting on the side of the road?  Your lazy ass needs to take care of that yourself!

Lazy Asses – Installment #2

How fucking lazy can you be?  Hey douchebag in the car in front of me!!  Why did your lazy ass just throw trash out of the window??  Is the interior of 1999 Ford Taurus so pristine that you can’t keep the trash in the car, until you stop at a convenience store to get you a big gulp refill and a taquito, so you can dispense of said trash in an acceptable receptacle?  You litter bug piece of shit!  Keep your Doritos bag in the damn car and throw it away in the proper place.

Oh, and smokers, be courteous!  As a former smoker, I tried to be courteous about where I put my butts.  First of all, here in Kansas (that is pronounced Kans-ass, according to the new beau), we appreciate it if you don’t throw any fire hazards out the window as you’re driving down on interstates and highways.  This is the wheat state, and we also have a lot of pasture ground, so shit tends to catch on fire around here.  Also, dump your ashtray in a damn trash can instead of out the car door in the parking lot of the local Piggly Wiggly!  Yes, the paper and what’s left of the tobacco will decompose in a couple of months, but the filter could take anywhere from 2-10 years to do the same, so just dress the damn thing and put it in the fucking trash can.

Just throw your shit away in trash can you lazy asses!!

Lazy Asses – Installment One

If there’s one thing that irritates the shit out of me, it’s lazy people. I’m not talking about taking a day off every once in awhile to just veg on the couch in your jammies all day kind of lazy. I’m talking about the stupid kind of lazy. The kind of lazy where you wonder how it is that these people manage to breathe they’re so fucking lazy. Welcome to the first installment of Lazy Asses!
It is snowing here in Kansas. If it continues to snow tonight, it will be the most snow we have seen this winter. Right now I think we’re about up to 4 inches. The cold sucks, but I don’t really mind the snow. I especially wouldn’t mind the snow if I had someone to snuggle on my couch with. But I digress. My point is, for us rednecks here in Kansas, this is quite a bit of snow considering we’re in a drought. No big deal to most of us non-lazy people though; brush your car off, scrape your windows, scoop your walk.

What do the lazy people do? As little as possible. They go out to get in the car, the lazy asses only clean off one little circle on the driver’s side of the window. Why the hell would they bother cleaning off the back window?? Hell, all they have to worry about is seeing directly in front of them right?

Here’s another totally lazy ass thing–snow blowers. We don’t live in fucking Alaska people, or even Colorado! Get that damn snow shovel out and scoop your fucking driveway. Maybe it will help you work off that beer/Cheetos gut. I sat here today and watched two lazy ass guys unload a snowblower from the back of a truck, and spend almost 15 minutes trying to start it, all so they could blow the snow from the neighbor’s sidewalk. They could have had the damn walk shoveled in the time it took them to do that! Lazy asses.

What the hell is this world coming to when people can’t shovel 3 inches of snow? Get those lazy ass kids of yours out there walking the neighborhood, and asking people if they need their walk shoveled. Their lazy asses might even make a buck or two doing it!

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