Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the month “February, 2018”

Night Blindness

You walk around in the world

unseen

It’s come to be expected

Those who purport to care about you

have become blind

to your struggles

You wander aimlessly in the darkness

because there’s no one there

to help you find your light

Knowing if the misery swallowed you whole

no one would come to claim

your corpse

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Nightfall

The darkness settles in

along with the loneliness

perfect partners

dancing in the shadows

until daybreak finds us

naked and alone

Tick Tock

4 years

5 months

12 days

in a Hampton Inn in Toronto

 

I don’t remember it because it was you

I remember it because it was the last time

a man touched my skin with longing

(10 hours)

 

Now the longer my skin goes without being touched

the less it wants to be touched

it’s a catch-22 of desperate proportions

(46 minutes)

 

I am painfully aware of how long it takes a soul to die

(13 seconds)

 

Fat Girl

He told me one time

he fell in love with a fat girl

as if that was supposed to make me feel better

as if there are other reasons I’m not worthy of love

as if I’m a fat girl

 

 

 

 

High Tide

Your words were missives in the sand

which couldn’t stand up to

the pull of water or time

 

temporary

just like your presence in my life

 

 

Fat Tuesday

#FatTuesday

Fat Bottom Girl Said What

mardigras

Ash Wednesday

was merely you stamping out your cigarette

and me standing there watching

as the last of the smoke escaped your lips

unable to give you up

for any sort of ridiculous religious conviction

atheist or otherwise

my sins paled in comparison to yours

and left me feeling pious and righteous

never worried about whose left hand I would be sitting at

when all was said and done

the food and the fucking both taste so much better

when someone tells you you can’t have them

so pour your communion wine into the dip of my shoulder

my belly button

and drink of life’s blood

drown out the trumpet sounds drifting through the windows

and toss aside all the beads

our Mardi Gras will never end

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The Old Neighborhood

my heart is the

neighborhood tavern

the diner down the street

dingy but inviting

unpretentious

there for as long as you can remember

the booths with cracked vinyl

the formica tabletops worn from resting forearms and elbows

the stool at the end of the bar

where the wood is polished from years of wear and marked by cigarette burns

but you are only interested in

the new tapas place down the street

which will be closed before the year is up

 

 

 

Queues

They always love something more than you

alcohol

drugs

other women

the game

So you go to the back of the line

and wait

hoping some day it will be your turn

to come first

But time passes

and the queue never gets any shorter

and you can no longer believe the lies people tell you

that your time is coming

that you should stop looking because he’ll find you

that some man is really going to appreciate you

And hope

which was once a steadfast companion

abandons you on the side of the road

 

Black Void

You never get points

for being

the one who’s there

because they always want the one

who’s gone

the one who left them heartbroken

alone

the one who didn’t know

loyalty

or love

the one whose hair is longer

who’s prettier than you

thinner

the one who

manufactured lies

into realities

and left them empty

Gyroscope

I would go to the ends of the earth for you

but if I fell off the face of it

it would take days for you to notice

but it’s okay

because I often forget myself

become disconnected

from the strings of the puppet master

who makes my arms lift

head nod

knees bend

always lost among the scenery

blending into the bland backdrop

a bit player

in what you believe to be your masterpiece

which was written on the insides of empty cigarette packs

and cereal boxes

because you were to lazy to fetch a piece of paper

and you thought it would make a better story

to write it on recycling

because it’s what you’ve always done

told the same lies over and over again

retelling a truth which never existed

and leaving me

to wander the globe

without knowing which way is up

because you broke my internal compass

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I invite you to read my short novel below.

May the novel bring you inspiration in your daily ruminations.

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