Fat Bottom Girl Said What

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Archive for the tag “lost love”

I Lost It

It was another one of those mornings.  I guess I am just in a certain mood, feeling emotionally bankrupt I guess,  and I heard a certain song, and I lost it.  That hiccup of air and the tears start.  I wanted to stop them, didn’t want to ruin my makeup, but I couldn’t stop.  Can I pinpoint the reason for the tears?  No, it’s most likely a number of things–thinking about my post at Deliberate Donkey going live this morning, the fact my son was sick yesterday and it was the first time I wasn’t there to take care of him, or how lately there has been a looming question in the back of my mind that I may never have an answer to.  I keep wondering when the last time was that a man loved me—I mean really loved me, like a person should be loved, or if a man has ever loved me like that.  Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes again, because I know it’s possible no man has ever truly loved me, or ever will.  That scares the shit out of me.  So here’s the song that caused all this shit this morning, listen at your own risk:

Haunting Regret

What’s the one regret you can’t work through?
You got it baby, mine would be you
Yeah you got it baby, mine would be you

As if the morning wasn’t emotional enough, I had to hear these lyrics and think of you.  The tears were instantaneous–a build-up of what-ifs, disappointments, and lost love–flowing down my cheeks, intermingled with sobs.  I am still mad as hell at you after all these years.  You just gave up on everything and walked away.  You never even gave me and you a chance.  I had loved you from the first night we met, and after 4 1/2 years of loving you, you just walked away.  Do you know that every relationship I have had since you has been shit?  Of course you don’t, because we haven’t spoke in over two years now.  I am still trying to figure out why I can’t let you go.  Is it the regret I can’t work through, or do I still love you after all this time?

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