I don’t know that I am there, but I sure as fuck can see it from here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not stuck in some sort of deep depression, or anything. I have been in a fairly positive mood lately. But at times, when I least expect it, the tears hit me, like they did on my drive home today. I am just tapped out. I am fucking exhausted. I feel like I can’t write. Like it’s such a struggle to write. I am now to a point where I don’t even seem to have the energy to read blogs. I keep trying, but I feel like I can’t keep up, and when I can’t keep up and do it perfectly, like read every one I subscribe to, then the guilt sets in. I have perfectionistic tendencies, and they totally fuck my world up. I am especially tapped tonight because I just finished a post for Deliberate Donkey. I needed to write it, it was cathartic, but it was fucking exhausting too. It will post on Thursday. I hope you read it. I apologize, if I can’t get around to reading everything. I try to be supportive, but I have to be honest and tell you I just can’t do it right now. Hopefully soon I can find some of the ADD crazy energy that seems to appear every now and then.
I’ve felt like that a lot this past year. Sometimes it’s just best to step away. It’ll be ok. XOXO
Breaks are good in everything my dear. If you need a break from the computer to help you recharge, by all means do it. You can always catch up at your leisure in the future. Just take care of yourself and I’ll see you on Thursday. =)
I hear ya, sister, it’s not easy to keep up with everybody’s blog posts. I have the same thing where I feel like I need to read everybody’s that I normally do plus some of my new followers. Ugh. Well, screw it, right? Let’s just get some drink in us and forget about it. Except for my blog. Your fat bottomed ass better read my shitty blog everytime!! Lol.
lmao Don, how could I miss any of your posts?? Don’t know about you, but I had a couple of beers, and almost slept through the night, and feel a little bit better this morning. Thank god I’ve never been FP’d, or I would be totally screwed when it comes to keeping up! llol
Its ok to pause and recharge every once in a while. Its a given and we deserve it. Dont be so hard on yourself. Take a break and come back strong. 🙂
It’s hard not to kick my own ass on a continual basis. I have extremely high expectations of myself, and am trying to figure out how to relax. It’s a huge issue for me, and I need to let some of that shit go. 🙂
Its not homework and no one will judge you for taking time off. Just turn off the computer and someday soon you will want to turn it back on. You owe no one in the blogosphere anything. If it’s any consolation I have a lot going on and have no mind to post about anything but misery.
Misery is all I feel I have posted about lately too! I have always needed to write to be able to process the shit that happens in my life, so it’s hard to step away from it. I need to learn how to let it go.
I do this speech at the start of term to all my students, it applies just as much to you and I : “Do your best. No one can reasonably ask for more. If it all gets too much, ask for help, and remember ‘your best will always be good enough'”. It’s something I believe so much, it’s tattooed on my forearm. (I just have to read it again sometimes to remind myself!)
Hell, I think I need that tattoo!! I have felt for years that I wasn’t “good enough”, and I really need to change that, as it has become a core belief of mine, which makes me susceptible to abusive men.
It’s a life changer that one.
Hang in there, don’t over commit, take a breather, and take heart in the knowledge that lots of other bloggers often feel like this as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to just chuck my honours degree this year, I find such structured, scheduled writing pretty exhausting. My coping mechanism is to mentally take myself back to running my first marathon two years ago and how I decided with 2ks to go that I’d do whatever it took just to get over the line however much I wanted to just stop short…..I may have to crawl to the end of this particular spell of writing but I’ll hopefully be even more resilient and stronger for overcoming the worst moments. Having read some of Deliberate Donkey, I completely understand how some writing takes much more out of us emotionally and mentally as well……just as exhausting as pushing ourselves physically to go further than most of the rest do.
I have contemplated returning to school for a master’s or a law degree, but don’t know how well I would hold up in the structured environment at this point. Yes, I work every day, and there is a semblance of structure, but for the most part I do all my own scheduling, so it’s different. Thanks for your comments. I guess one of the reasons I hate to think about stepping away is because of all the amazing support I get from all my blogger friends on here!! 🙂
It is absolutely impossible to keep up with the sheer volume of posts put out on a daily basis. I miss a lot. I do a lot of catch up, sometimes reading something a week or so after it’s been published. I’ve done that here with you, going back and reading several in a day. Life and work and all kinds of other things have to take priority or insanity will set in.
I am currently feeling a little cray-cray!! lol Well, more than usual! So, I will be skimming through my reader for awhile, and trying to dump those shitty guilt feelings.
Don’s right. As long as you read his shitty blog and my awesome blog, everyone will forgive you. lol!
Seriously though, blogging is something you do when you have time, and that includes reading other posts. it should be fun, don’t sweat it!
I used to blog Monday-Friday every week, and felt like I was going back on a commitment when it became less than that after Buddy was born. We all get it. you have shit going on!
Hearts and Hugs, babe.
Thanks dear!! Gotta stop kicking my own ass, because the world seems to do it enough for me. So glad to have all the blogger buddies support!!!
I hear you loud and clear as you can see you are not alone….but don’t give up writing your blog just use it as a form of therapy. Shit I wish I can write about some of the things currently going on but I can’t because Mr.Crazy reads it and would LOVE to know that things aren’t all kittens and rainbows over yonder…..hahaha….
I am so glad I don’t have a “Mr. Crazy” reading my stuff. There is safety in anonymity! 🙂
Hugs to you! Take it easy and come back when, or if, you feel like it.
Don’t worry. You already know if you miss my blog it isn’t fatal. Infact it may be invogoration.
Write when you feel like it. Read others’ blogs when you feel like it. And, you know what? The world goes on. You sound like you have a bit of the “perfectionist” gene in you. I share that, too, and the guilt is sometimes a bit much. But, I’m getting better at shutting down when I need a “time out” and I’ve found that people understand. And, if they don’t? Like I said, the world continues to go on…..
Take care of yourself!!!
The world always travels on, with us, or without us. That makes me quite melancholy just thinking about it.
Those damn perfectionistic tendencies won’t leave me alone!!
It’s okay to take a break (I should know), you make the rules when it comes to how many posts you write or how many posts you read.
I am just extremely hard on myself. I am trying not to be, but I have been this way for 44 years. Old habits are hard to break. 🙂
My aunt and uncle lived on a lovely piece of saltwater front; their driveway was a terribly steep patch of concrete leading down from the main road. It actually had switchbacks.
But the reason I tell you this is that the sign they posted at the road, at the top of the hill, had their name and “Rock Bottom” on it. That was their name for their waterfront home. Since then, the term Rock Bottom has always evoked grand memories of summer and sunshine and swimming pools (yeah, they had one next to the beach — I always thought they were rich!) and sumptuous fare.
Rock Bottom isn’t always bad. Sometimes, it’s wonderful.
What a delightful take on it!! 🙂