Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

He Thinks Farts Are Funny, and So Do I


We haven’t always seen eye to eye,
and we never will,
“Especially since I have been taller than you since about 8th grade,” said I, in my sarcastic tone, which I get from you.
I remember I was your favorite until my brother came along. . .
I remember you used to take me with you, and sometimes let me sit on your lap and drive the car. . .
I remember watching you soap your arms down and wash off with the garden hose, upon returning home after a day spent cutting wheat. . .
I remember the time you tried to fix the bathroom sink and got so pissed off, you knocked it off the wall and water went everywhere. . .
I remember you bringing home stock tanks in the summertime to be filled with waters, so I could swim before my hometown had a pool. . .
I remember you picking me up to give me hugs and rubbing your whiskers against my cheek and saying “gruzzle, gruzzle, gruzzle”. . .
I remember you telling me your disappointment in me because you didn’t like my performance in a basketball game. . .
I remember your disapproval in my choices of men, hair color and style, and the fact I don’t have Jesus in my life. . .
I remember you teaching me how to drive, I had to master a standard first before you would let me drive an automatic. . .
I remember how much you have made me laugh over the years with your particular brand of humor: finding farts hilarious, and utilizing an endless string of euphemisms. . .
I remember you are the one who taught me how to dance the two-step, and tell a good tale to a captive audience. . .
I remember how badly I felt for you when you and mom were divorcing and you were living in the camper. I knew you were sad and hurt, but I also knew there was nothing I could do for you. . .
I remember asking you to come to church with me, one Father’s Day, about 30 years ago, and you did, and it saved you, and you’ve been going ever since. . .
I remember, every day, that I love you, and I know that you love me, and would do anything you could for me. . .
Even though we will never see eye to eye.


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