Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “communication”

Life Lesson #564

The things you said

Or all the things you didn’t say

In the end

Didn’t make a damn bit of difference

It was what you did

Or all the things you didn’t do

That did.

So when all was said

And

All was done

You weren’t the one

**Note to self:  Actions speak louder than words. Always.  If you’re important to him, he’ll find the time.

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Mars and Venus, or is it Uranus and Venus??

So I get it, men and women have two different styles of communicating.   Women communicate and men don’t.   Okay, so that wasn’t exactly fair.  Let’s say men communicate long enough to get a woman hooked and then they’re done, and the woman is left wondering what happened to stop it.

Guys, be sure and chime in here if you think I’m wrong about this.  This is something which is quite perplexing to me and I am always up for learning more about the male mind and what makes it tick.  Let me just throw a scenario at you—new guy, been talking almost two weeks, finally met last Friday night.  We have touched on numerous subjects, and he has shared many, very personal things with me.  This surprised me at first because he was so open, but I can roll with it.  I tend to have that effect on people, and I figure the more comfortable he feels sharing things with me, the better off we are if this is headed towards “relationship” status.

Anyway, lots of personal information, seems very honest, etc, we meet last Friday night and the chemistry was all there in person too, and we even touched on being open to exploring a relationship.  I talked to him Saturday morning before he went to work, we texted a bit on Saturday night, I sent him a text on Sunday, to which I received no reply, and called him and left a message.  Basically, I haven’t heard from him since Saturday night.  I’m thinking WTF??  Is this normal?  We totally click, and agree on this fact, even in person all the chemistry is there.  (For those of you who internet date, you know that sometimes you can click over messages and texts, but have no chemistry in person.)

I am at a loss. I am now refusing to text him, or call him.   Yeah, I’m really tough like that.  Oh, hell!  Who am I kidding??  This guy seems so great that when he does get ahold of me, I will probably act like it’s no big deal that he hasn’t talked to me for days.  Which to him, maybe it isn’t a big deal.  Maybe he doesn’t think anything of it.  He does have an extremely demanding job, which he is on call for and usually only gets about 12 hours between shifts.  Friday he managed to not get called in, so he hopped in his truck and drove the hour and fifteen minutes to come meet me in person.  I am in no way making excuses, I just know how guys can be extremely one-track minded.

I do think this guy likes me and is interested in me, so why am I getting so freaked out by the lack of communication?  At my age I don’t really want someone up in my shit all the time, and I am sure he feels the same.  Plus, we aren’t officially dating at this point, so should I expect him to have daily contact??  Maybe I only expect the daily contact because I got that the first week.  Seriously, if I’m dating someone, then yes, I do expect to have daily contact with them.  But for now I think this thing is supposed to be casual, though I think if we were about 15 years younger, we would be so up this shit it would be unbelievable!!

I am going to attempt to play it cool.  He is aware I am quite interested in him, and I believe the feeling is mutual.  At this point what more can I do?  I have to stand back, let go of my control issues, and let him take the lead.  He is the man after all.  And what a huge, smokin’ hot, hunk of a man he is!! 😉

Like I said—please comment and let you know what you think!!  I would love to hear everyone’s opinions!

 

 

 

 

I’m impulsive, reckless. . .

Remember when I said I didn’t want to write about the new guy I had been communicating with because I was afraid I would jinx it? Well, I guess I should have just wrote away, because I think it might be over before it’s even begun!  I have absolutely no clue what happened.  Which, is quite surprising considering how much time I’ve been giving the whole subject over the last two days!

I am going to try and recap this whole thing as quickly as possible, so here goes. . . .I message him, because in his main profile pic he is dressed up like a clown, and I wonder what kind of guy this is, and think that he must be fun if he is willing to do this, and I am so tired of the same old douche bag guys on the Plenty of Freaks website. . . he almost immediately messages me back and we message back and forth for the better part of a day and a half, then he gives me his number, and says I can call if I would like. . .I loved the fact that he said to call him, and offered me his number, because I wasn’t planning on offering him mine. . .I don’t call him right away though, but I do text, and we text for another half of the day, and before he goes to get on the train—this is his job right now—he calls to let me know that he has to have his phone off while he’s on the train, and he just wanted to let me know so I wouldn’t think he was ignoring my texts. . . so what do I think??  well, of course I think–how fucking sweet is that??  Can’t remember the last time a guy was so courteous, and I literally about shit my pants because the guy has done this. . . .yes, I have been with some real loser men who weren’t very considerate. . . so that night, I go to bed wondering about this guy. . .we had really seemed to hit it off, and he actually calls to tell me this. . .maybe this might be something good, even though I know the odds aren’t in my favor. . .he gets on the train, I go to bed, and wake up to text messages in the morning. . .he can’t sleep, so we text while I am getting ready for work, and then we email during the day also. . . .he sends me a couple more pics, and then we talk on the phone again on my drive home from work. . . .he tells me there’s something he wants me to know–that he’s got PTSD(he is retired military and has been to Iraq more than once and numerous other places), but he says he wants to assure me that he is not violent, and that he doesn’t have anger outbursts, that it only affects his sleep. . . I am truly not surprised by what he has shared, and we discuss it a little more and move on, we talk about the fact he is separated, and not divorced yet, we talk about his kids, we talk, and we talk, and we talk, until he has to get on the train again. ..he sends a message in the middle of his train journey, and then I don’t hear from him again until nearly 4 the next afternoon, when he gets up and says he has slept almost that whole time, which doesn’t surpise me, because he takes medication to help him sleep, and he hadn’t slept well the day before…his schedule is not exactly conducive to developing a good sleep pattern, but he also seems to need a job that’s somewhat exciting after all the stuff he has done in the military–I think this is probably pretty common, especially with guys who have been in a lot of combat, or very stressful situations. . . .we talk and text on Friday night while he is at supper and having a couple beers with the railroad guys, we talk when he gets back to him room, we go to sleep, and I text him when I wake up, he replies, and then texts again while they’re waiting outside to get into the station, once he’s in, he calls and we talk while I drive a little over an hour. . .I am visiting friends, and he is going to watch football, and says he will be really focused on that, but then he starts to text me again. . .wants to know if I’m sure I don’t want to come see him since he is going to be in a little longer than he thought, I tell him I can’t, thought I want to. . .next day he is stuck in his “away” town, and thinks he will be there until Monday, so I tell him I am driving out there to meet him. . .this sort of freaks him out, and he wonders why I would drive 3 hours out there to meet him, because he says I don’t know him that well, etc, reminding me he is a former MP, and that I should be more careful. . . I tell him I am a smart girl, and am not planning on putting myself in a dangerous situation, and he says he would be more comfortable if I didn’t come, and would rather I wait, and he will drive to where I live to see me within the coming week. . .I agree this is probably more logical, we talk my entire trip home, about 1 1/2 hours, and everything seems fine, he keeps saying he’s sorry he told me not to come, and that he didn’t want to upset me, and I tell him to stop apologizing, because I appreciate the truth. . .I feel ridiculous about even considering it, but know that I totally would’ve done it, and he says he’s not like other guys in that respect, and I tell him that’s fine, because I’m pretty tired of the way most guys seem to think and operate, and I appreciate the fact he kind of put the brakes on the whole thing. . .we each go work out, and he grabs something to eat, and then I text him later to tell him something. . since he’s back in his room I ask if I can call him before he goes to sleep, and he says of course. . we end up talking for another hour, I tell him maybe too much stuff, about how I am guy-shy about men, and untrusting, and I even admit he is the only man I am talking to right now, because I want to see where this goes, and he says he understands. . .I am a little emotional, overtired, and should’ve shut my mouth, but it was already said, he tells me he totally understands, we say good night. . .I go to sleep that night not knowing when he will get back to his “home”, but I text him in the morning, get no reply. . . I text him a couple hours later asking if he is stuck “away”, and he says that he got home almost an hour before, and is going to the gym and going to get some sleep. . .I call since I want to talk to him before he goes to sleep, he seems a little rushed, and the next thing I hear some guy talking to him and he tells me he needs to go because his neighbor wants to talk to him. . .I text him later that evening around 8 asking if he is still sleeping. . when I get up the next morning he has returned my text about 10:20, saying, “not anymore, just got called for work”. . .that is the last time I have heard from him. . . yes I have texted a couple of times, yes I have tried to call a couple of times. . .this morning I called and actually left a message just asking what was going on. . .I told him I am quite confused by this, thought we had hit it off really well, and that I hoped he can be honest with me and let me know what’s going on. . . I don’t tell him that I am crushed, I don’t tell him that being the foolish dreamer and silly heart that I am I have cried. . .oh yes, I have cried. . .I know, stupid, huh?  I have only known him a few days, and have never even met him in person, but it was just one of those things. . . I just knew it when we started talking that there was something there. . .one of those connections that only come along once in a great while. . . I thought it was going to be really good, and he seemed to reciprocate that with what he was saying, and now just. . . nothing. . . fucking nothing. . .and I don’t know how many more times I can do this. . .how many more times I can pick myself up. . .I usually keep that wall up, but I let it down and let him too close, and when I let him in, all my insecurities came flooding out. . .I am such a fool. . .have I pushed him away with my impulsivity, and recklessness and insecurities?? . . .

Adventures in Dating (Part 2 of 2)

First let me give you a little update.  You remember “M”  that I talked about in First Dates?  Well, I am starting to think there’s not going to be a second date.  Last time I had any contact with him was last Friday, and that was by text.   Of course that’s the way we always communicated, except by messaging and email when we first started talking.

Anyway, I am on the Plenty of Freaks today, checking some dumbass message, when I notice “M” is no longer in my inbox.  His pic and our whole thread of messages are gone.  WTF?  Did he delete his account?  And why?  So I text him, ask him why he’s deleted his account.  No response.  Told him I was wondering how he was doing since I hadn’t heard from him the last couple of days.  No response.  My final text to him was, “Getting the feeling you don’t want to talk to me anymore and wondering, if that’s the case, why don’t you just come out and tell me that?”  No response.  Really?  Are we fucking adults here??  Are we forty-something year old grown people who should be able to tell another grown person that they no longer want to have contact with them??  What the hell does he think I’m going to do??  The stupidity of it just amazes me.  The best thing I could think of to call him today was “uber-douche”.  So, another one bites the dust.  But, maybe everything happens for a reason. . .

Now, let’s talk about “The Zen Master”.  How do you like that nickname??  Really, it just came to my mind because of the way this guy makes me feel.  The Zen Master and I have been communicating for awhile–first through messaging on the POF, and then he gave me his phone number so I could text him.  He is not a great texter though, which is fine, and I think he actually prefers to talk on the phone.  Which is totally fine with me, because The Zen Master’s voice is amazing–like buttah!!  I noticed this the first time we talked on the phone.  It’s music to my ears, and when I hear it, it’s like I am instantly calm.

Anyway, I was actually starting to think The Zen Master and I might never meet.  He had some family issues he was dealing with, and some projects he needed to finish up, and he kind of started slacking in the communication department a couple of weeks ago.  I was really missing our messaging through POF, because we would do questions back and forth, and I had started being really intrigued by this guy and his mind.  After a few days of no communication, I wrote him a message, and just came out and asked if he’d decided he wanted to stop talking, and to tell him that’s what I was assuming, unless he let me know any different.  He wrote back and told me no, that wasn’t the case, told me about the family stuff, etc. and that he hoped he hadn’t turned me off by that.  I was so intrigued I told him that he hadn’t, but to just keep me posted on what was going on.  Everything kind of fell by the wayside for a couple of weeks, during which time I had the date with “M”, and that kept me kind of occupied during the post date euphoria and consequential crash a few days later.

About a week and a half ago I texted him just to see how he, and his mom, were doing, and he replied everything was better and we would talk more during the week.  Well, we texted a bit off and on, and then he actually called me one evening and we chatted on the phone for about 15 or 20 minutes.  Buttah. . .dammit. .. that voice. . .like music, like a fucking siren song I tell you!!  We decided we would try to make a plan and meet sometime over the weekend.  Original plan was Saturday, but that ended up not working, so Sunday rolled around and we talked again.  He asked if he could just come by the house.  I know—big no-no.  I warned him that I could be some black widow, crazy woman who kills men and buries them in the basement, but I guess I didn’t scare him, so he came over.  He was very cool about it and stood at the door and made sure I was comfortable with him coming in, and I said I was, so he walked in and properly introduced himself and gave me the biggest, best hug ever!  Then he made himself at home on my couch and we chatted for awhile about what we’d done the day before, and the issue with my daughter, and numerous other things.  We were both feeling nappy and I told him like to take naps on my floatie in the pool, and he said, “let’s get in the pool!”  He had shorts in his truck, and I was totally game and ran upstairs and got my suit on.  WTH??  I just threw a swimming suit on my nowhere near to perfect body and hopped in the pool with this semi-stranger and I was totally relaxed and more comfortable than I would be around a lot of guys I’ve known for years???  Holy shit. . .something isn’t right.  So we floated, and we talked, and we talked, and we floated, and he touched . . . my hand, and my leg, and he always wanted eye contact with me, and held my hand a lot of the time so I wouldn’t float too far away from him.  He said he was perfectly relaxed, and I told him I felt perfectly content, and it scared the shit out of me.  Oh Zen Master, you scare me.  You truly scare the shit out of me. . .how do you make me feel perfectly content and exhilirated at the same time. . . what have you done to me??  Do you have this effect on all women?  You definitely need your own post, so we will continue this chat later and I will talk more about The Zen Master.  I will leave you with a song that I was listening to earlier, which also makes me very relaxed and peaceful. . .and let my thoughts right back to The Zen Master. . .

 

 

 

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