Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “contentment”

Contentment

I need peace. My mind is never quiet. Even when my mouth is quiet, my mind is still having a conversation with itself.  I gave you a taste a couple of days ago of the chaos which is my mind.  Either no one read it, or if you did read it, you have decided I am rat-shit, bat-shit crazy and you will no longer be coming to this blog because you have a fear of osmosis.  Is there a phobia for that?  I bet there is, but if there isn’t, there should be.  SEE??  I just did it again, off on some other tangent.  Squirrel!  Shiny Thing!

Back to the topic–peace, contentment.  Since meeting The Zen Master I have been mulling all of this over in my mind more than usual.  Why?  Because of this feeling of utter contentment I get when I am with him.  It truly caught me off guard.  Because not only was I utterly content when I was around him, I also had this strange feeling of exhiliration.  It would seem as though those two should never meet, doesn’t it?  Which is why I think it caught me off guard.  (I will be doing a follow-up entry to this specific combination of contentment and exhiliration in a coming blog.  I was googling soulmates today, and strangely enough this combination was mentioned.)

As I was saying, I can’t remember the last time I felt so content.  Right now I don’t feel content, I just feel tired, but I am speaking specifically of the time I was in the presence of The Zen Master.  Which led to me wondering if this feeling of contentment, if we at some point date and have a relationship, would continue.  If we were to be together would I feel this way in say, 5 years from now?  Or 10?  Will I always feel this when I am around him?  I just can’t ever remember feeling content.  The Zen Master seems to really be messing with my mind.  I want to see him again, so I can find out if that feeling of contentment is still there.  I have to see if I just made it up in my mind.  I don’t think I did though, because I even kind of get the same feeling when I talk to him on the phone.  He quiets my mind.  He brings me peace, and that’s quite a feat.

 

Adventures in Dating (Part 2 of 2)

First let me give you a little update.  You remember “M”  that I talked about in First Dates?  Well, I am starting to think there’s not going to be a second date.  Last time I had any contact with him was last Friday, and that was by text.   Of course that’s the way we always communicated, except by messaging and email when we first started talking.

Anyway, I am on the Plenty of Freaks today, checking some dumbass message, when I notice “M” is no longer in my inbox.  His pic and our whole thread of messages are gone.  WTF?  Did he delete his account?  And why?  So I text him, ask him why he’s deleted his account.  No response.  Told him I was wondering how he was doing since I hadn’t heard from him the last couple of days.  No response.  My final text to him was, “Getting the feeling you don’t want to talk to me anymore and wondering, if that’s the case, why don’t you just come out and tell me that?”  No response.  Really?  Are we fucking adults here??  Are we forty-something year old grown people who should be able to tell another grown person that they no longer want to have contact with them??  What the hell does he think I’m going to do??  The stupidity of it just amazes me.  The best thing I could think of to call him today was “uber-douche”.  So, another one bites the dust.  But, maybe everything happens for a reason. . .

Now, let’s talk about “The Zen Master”.  How do you like that nickname??  Really, it just came to my mind because of the way this guy makes me feel.  The Zen Master and I have been communicating for awhile–first through messaging on the POF, and then he gave me his phone number so I could text him.  He is not a great texter though, which is fine, and I think he actually prefers to talk on the phone.  Which is totally fine with me, because The Zen Master’s voice is amazing–like buttah!!  I noticed this the first time we talked on the phone.  It’s music to my ears, and when I hear it, it’s like I am instantly calm.

Anyway, I was actually starting to think The Zen Master and I might never meet.  He had some family issues he was dealing with, and some projects he needed to finish up, and he kind of started slacking in the communication department a couple of weeks ago.  I was really missing our messaging through POF, because we would do questions back and forth, and I had started being really intrigued by this guy and his mind.  After a few days of no communication, I wrote him a message, and just came out and asked if he’d decided he wanted to stop talking, and to tell him that’s what I was assuming, unless he let me know any different.  He wrote back and told me no, that wasn’t the case, told me about the family stuff, etc. and that he hoped he hadn’t turned me off by that.  I was so intrigued I told him that he hadn’t, but to just keep me posted on what was going on.  Everything kind of fell by the wayside for a couple of weeks, during which time I had the date with “M”, and that kept me kind of occupied during the post date euphoria and consequential crash a few days later.

About a week and a half ago I texted him just to see how he, and his mom, were doing, and he replied everything was better and we would talk more during the week.  Well, we texted a bit off and on, and then he actually called me one evening and we chatted on the phone for about 15 or 20 minutes.  Buttah. . .dammit. .. that voice. . .like music, like a fucking siren song I tell you!!  We decided we would try to make a plan and meet sometime over the weekend.  Original plan was Saturday, but that ended up not working, so Sunday rolled around and we talked again.  He asked if he could just come by the house.  I know—big no-no.  I warned him that I could be some black widow, crazy woman who kills men and buries them in the basement, but I guess I didn’t scare him, so he came over.  He was very cool about it and stood at the door and made sure I was comfortable with him coming in, and I said I was, so he walked in and properly introduced himself and gave me the biggest, best hug ever!  Then he made himself at home on my couch and we chatted for awhile about what we’d done the day before, and the issue with my daughter, and numerous other things.  We were both feeling nappy and I told him like to take naps on my floatie in the pool, and he said, “let’s get in the pool!”  He had shorts in his truck, and I was totally game and ran upstairs and got my suit on.  WTH??  I just threw a swimming suit on my nowhere near to perfect body and hopped in the pool with this semi-stranger and I was totally relaxed and more comfortable than I would be around a lot of guys I’ve known for years???  Holy shit. . .something isn’t right.  So we floated, and we talked, and we talked, and we floated, and he touched . . . my hand, and my leg, and he always wanted eye contact with me, and held my hand a lot of the time so I wouldn’t float too far away from him.  He said he was perfectly relaxed, and I told him I felt perfectly content, and it scared the shit out of me.  Oh Zen Master, you scare me.  You truly scare the shit out of me. . .how do you make me feel perfectly content and exhilirated at the same time. . . what have you done to me??  Do you have this effect on all women?  You definitely need your own post, so we will continue this chat later and I will talk more about The Zen Master.  I will leave you with a song that I was listening to earlier, which also makes me very relaxed and peaceful. . .and let my thoughts right back to The Zen Master. . .

 

 

 

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