The rain cascades down the window
flooding me with want
of a quilt
of the feeling of safety and peace so easily found in the crook of your arm
I need peace. My mind is never quiet. Even when my mouth is quiet, my mind is still having a conversation with itself. I gave you a taste a couple of days ago of the chaos which is my mind. Either no one read it, or if you did read it, you have decided I am rat-shit, bat-shit crazy and you will no longer be coming to this blog because you have a fear of osmosis. Is there a phobia for that? I bet there is, but if there isn’t, there should be. SEE?? I just did it again, off on some other tangent. Squirrel! Shiny Thing!
Back to the topic–peace, contentment. Since meeting The Zen Master I have been mulling all of this over in my mind more than usual. Why? Because of this feeling of utter contentment I get when I am with him. It truly caught me off guard. Because not only was I utterly content when I was around him, I also had this strange feeling of exhiliration. It would seem as though those two should never meet, doesn’t it? Which is why I think it caught me off guard. (I will be doing a follow-up entry to this specific combination of contentment and exhiliration in a coming blog. I was googling soulmates today, and strangely enough this combination was mentioned.)
As I was saying, I can’t remember the last time I felt so content. Right now I don’t feel content, I just feel tired, but I am speaking specifically of the time I was in the presence of The Zen Master. Which led to me wondering if this feeling of contentment, if we at some point date and have a relationship, would continue. If we were to be together would I feel this way in say, 5 years from now? Or 10? Will I always feel this when I am around him? I just can’t ever remember feeling content. The Zen Master seems to really be messing with my mind. I want to see him again, so I can find out if that feeling of contentment is still there. I have to see if I just made it up in my mind. I don’t think I did though, because I even kind of get the same feeling when I talk to him on the phone. He quiets my mind. He brings me peace, and that’s quite a feat.
Still histrionic, still a bookwhore; just faking competence because of my kid.
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