Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Commitment Issues

I can’t commit.

No, this has absolutely nothing to do with my new relationship. That’s going quite well, thanks for asking.

This has to do with my blog. I can’t make a commitment to my blog.

I want to be a fantastically popular big hair rock star in spandex pants kind of blogger, but I don’t think I have the dedication.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to write. No, scratch that, I love to write, but only when the feeling hits me.

Problem is, my muse is like a no-good down on his luck drunk douche bag, who thinks the world owes him a living, so he does the bare minimum hoping to get by with the maximum. Some days he doesn’t show up at all. Other days he shows up so freakin’ wasted on cheap bourbon, with so many ideas, I couldn’t possibly write them all down, or ever hope to create an actual piece out of them.

I get mad at my muse for being a slacker, but mostly I’m mad at my muse because it’s like he’s rubbing off on me. I don’t know that I actually possess the desire to be great at this anymore, when I’ve spent so much time being nominal.

Maybe I started the blog for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I should’ve stuck to a certain type of post, and not hopped all over my wacked out mind and just posted whatever happened to spill out onto the paper that day–poetry, idiot ramblings, humorous anecdotes; all of it usually laced with profanity.

Followers hovering at near the 200 mark for almost a full year; so close but yet so far. Tagging the shit out of stuff to try to get more hits. None of it working it seems to bring me that fame I desire.

So I’ve decided to do something drastic. Read on.

Dear Blog,

Maybe it isn’t meant to be, and we should just break up. I have issues. Truth is I whore around, and spend more time adoring blogs other than you, because I like them better. Good relationships require time and attention, and I guess I’m just not really feeling it for you.

However, I do have a proposition for you Blog. We can be friends with benefits! I’ll come back every once in awhile to fuck around with you, and have a couple of beers, and write a few lines, then go about my business. How does that sound? Good? Okay, well then we’ve got a deal.

See you around.

—FBG

 

C&H

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23 thoughts on “Commitment Issues

  1. that was totally hilarious!! loved it…… you can’t leave, not even for a little bit.

  2. hahaha….shit, i’ve had my moments of absence….times where my life was utterly boring that I sure as hell wasn’t going to write about it. you’re not alone…trust me!!

  3. don’t leave us altogether! even your simple musings are great- I love your humor and being so real.

    I know what you mean about commitment and wanting more people to find your blog… I can only write when it’s time to say something, and I can just ask that that happens more, and then trust it’s perfect timing. I think it is harder to have a bigger following when there aren’t regular posts, perhaps? Not sure how this all works!

    • I have no idea how it works, and I really have no time to figure it out. lol I am not leaving altogether. I just have this HUGE guilt complex if I don’t post regularly, and add the guilt of not being able to read regularly, and it just turns into a stew I get mired in. I wish I wasn’t such a guilt-ridden person, but that seems to be a characteristic I am having a hard time ditching.

      Thanks for being such a great supporter Lucia, and don’t worry, my big butt, and my big mouth, are never far away!

  4. Come back little friend…We need your humor! However, I did like that kind letter that you wrote to your blog….

    • I am just re-grouping and trying to figure out what need my blogging fulfills in me. I started out on one course, and it seems it changed somewhere.

      I feel quite lucky that there are other individuals out there who share my sense of humor!

  5. Yeah, please don’t go running off! I’m glad your relationship is going well by the way. If all else fails, you can NEVER go wrong just posting Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. Never!

    • I might be one of the few chicks who has a Calvin and Hobbes book on my bedside table. You never when you’re going to need a good laugh, or some bit of Calvin philosophy!

      Not to worry, I’m never very far! 😉

  6. So you are proposing to give us Variable Reinforcement. That is even more addicting.

  7. Come and go as you please. Your blog served a purpose for you when life was less than ideal. Maybe you’re just a bit happier now? I love your humour and honesty so whenever you appear I’ll be reading.

    • Thanks so much Tric! I would have to say I am much happier now than I’ve been in a long time, because well, I guess I’m just more “me” than I’ve been in years, and it feels really wonderful!!

      Thanks for being such a great supporter. 🙂

  8. Go ahead. Try walking away from your blog. See how long you can stand it. I try it all the time but I always get SUCKED right back IN. You’re addicted. Admit it. You need this blog. I (that is to say, “we,” your blog and I) laugh at your threats. See you soon. Ha.

    • hahaha. . . I hate to admit that you’re probably right! I am a total attention hooer. . . .that’s like a whore, but much more blatant! Even though I am still fairly anonymous, I get a certain amount of my feel-good from every like and comment on one of my posts. It truly is a sickness.

      • What do you mean probably right?! Is IS a sickness! I hate it! Would I actually even exist if I didn’t maintain my blog? I’d rather not fuck around and find out. And I’ve only got 28 followers! The whole thing is a gigantic cosmic joke being played on me. Just me.

      • It’s quite reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has these issues! lol

  9. Nooooooooo…don’t leave your adoring FatBottomFANS! I joke. I get it.

    This blogging thing is a freakin’ full-time job and as for me personally, I already have two of those. I had no idea the kind of hours that blogging and establishing a relationship with my blogging family would require. So, I get these feelings completely. I also get the long bouts of writing blockage. Sometimes, nothing inspires.

    So, you do what you need to do to be here and be healthy, baby. That’s all that matters. We will not leave you. We will hold on. We will navigate the oceans of our lives until you come back in your big-ass boat for a visit. 🙂 Love you, sis. And, I’m soooooo glad that you are happy with your man-muffin. It brings joy to my FatBottom to know this. XOXO

    • My big-ass boat. I like the sound of that!! lol

      I won’t be far. I don’t know if I would ever be able to totally give it up. It’s learning how to give myself permission not to be perfect at it, and not to have to adhere to some sort of level. Fucking perfectionistic tendencies–they kick my ass every time!

      Even as I say I am straying, and unsure of my level of commitment to the blog, I currently have numerous ideas and drafts in the works. So maybe, just maybe, giving myself permission to come and go as I please, will give my muse the room it needs.

      Nice to know I have so many amazing blogger friends who would miss me if I wasn’t spouting cuss words on a regular basis!

      Love ya!

  10. Having read your About page, this, and the next post about dildo related sufferings, I look forward to glee with whatever you post, whenever you post it.
    As long as you’re enjoying it.

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