Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “anecdotes”

Commitment Issues

I can’t commit.

No, this has absolutely nothing to do with my new relationship. That’s going quite well, thanks for asking.

This has to do with my blog. I can’t make a commitment to my blog.

I want to be a fantastically popular big hair rock star in spandex pants kind of blogger, but I don’t think I have the dedication.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to write. No, scratch that, I love to write, but only when the feeling hits me.

Problem is, my muse is like a no-good down on his luck drunk douche bag, who thinks the world owes him a living, so he does the bare minimum hoping to get by with the maximum. Some days he doesn’t show up at all. Other days he shows up so freakin’ wasted on cheap bourbon, with so many ideas, I couldn’t possibly write them all down, or ever hope to create an actual piece out of them.

I get mad at my muse for being a slacker, but mostly I’m mad at my muse because it’s like he’s rubbing off on me. I don’t know that I actually possess the desire to be great at this anymore, when I’ve spent so much time being nominal.

Maybe I started the blog for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I should’ve stuck to a certain type of post, and not hopped all over my wacked out mind and just posted whatever happened to spill out onto the paper that day–poetry, idiot ramblings, humorous anecdotes; all of it usually laced with profanity.

Followers hovering at near the 200 mark for almost a full year; so close but yet so far. Tagging the shit out of stuff to try to get more hits. None of it working it seems to bring me that fame I desire.

So I’ve decided to do something drastic. Read on.

Dear Blog,

Maybe it isn’t meant to be, and we should just break up. I have issues. Truth is I whore around, and spend more time adoring blogs other than you, because I like them better. Good relationships require time and attention, and I guess I’m just not really feeling it for you.

However, I do have a proposition for you Blog. We can be friends with benefits! I’ll come back every once in awhile to fuck around with you, and have a couple of beers, and write a few lines, then go about my business. How does that sound? Good? Okay, well then we’ve got a deal.

See you around.

—FBG

 

C&H

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