Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Cheater, Cheater. . .Where’d you meet her?

“You know her, she’s my biographer.”  

Way to go General.  I think you’re a very intelligent man, but you were obviously thinking with the “Little Colonel” when it came to this decision.  Had to go and pick some bitch who started sending nasty emails to some other chick who she thought might be trying to edge in on her territory.  Oh, but wait!  There was another General taking care of that business already.  This whole thing comes off looking like a damn soap opera.  I do have to give kudos to Petraeus for just coming clean.  Hell, even Bill Clinton didn’t have the balls to do that!  I have always said I would have more respect for Bill if he would have just fessed up and told everyone he did the nasty with Monica.  Instead, he denied it, we had to hear about the stain on the dress, and on and on, ad nauseum until I couldn’t hardly take it anymore.

The topic of cheating is just so ripe for discussion.  If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know I have been cheated on.  I was cheated on by my ex-husband with one of my ex-best friends of almost 20 years, and I have been cheated on by my last two boyfriends also.  Sometimes I wonder if there’s something about me that just makes guys want to cheat on me.  Oh, bullshit!  I know there isn’t, but it does seem awful strange doesn’t it??

Here’s the deal, and many of you might not agree with this, but I don’t think wives are always just victims in this whole thing.  Yes, I do think there are men out there who are truly, just low-down, dirty, lying, sack-of-shit guys who only want to have their cake and fuck it too, but I think those guys are few and far between. I think in general, people do not set out to cheat.  I think the field has to be fertile in order for it to occur.  The conditions have to be just right.

Soon after my divorce, I figured out I had contributed to my ex-husband’s affair.  Did I tell him to do it?  Ummm. . .no, but I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it from happening.  Our relationship was shit.  Our communication skills were almost non-existent at that point, our sex life was in the toilet, we didn’t even enjoy each other’s company, and could barely manage to be civil to each other at that point.  In fact, I’m not even sure why we were still married, except that we were both stubborn and didn’t want to admit to ourselves, or each other, that it wasn’t working.

Enter the “best friend”.  Here’s my shoulder, cry on it, tell me what a bitch she is, I’ll be so fucking understanding and tell you how wonderful you are.  Let me rub your penis for you.  Okay, so maybe not that last part, but you know that sex was part of it.  Basically, she was giving him something at that point that I couldn’t give him.  Trust me, it wasn’t intelligent conversation, because she doesn’t have much of it, but I’m guessing whatever it was, it gave him a big ‘ol ego boost.  So then it moved on to him thinking he needed to get rid of me–pregnant with his first child me–and marry her.  So he did.  I forgave him at some point, after I stopped being fucking furious with him for being a dumbass douche bag, but I still haven’t forgiven her.  I will never forgive her.  Do I hate her?  No, because she is not worth that emotion.  I am apathetic towards her–which contains the word pathetic, which I believe she is.  You don’t fuck over your friends.

I think I might have strayed from my point though.  I was watching Oprah one day about six months after my divorce was final, and the topic was infidelity.  She said something that continues to resonate with me to this day.  She said, “If the door isn’t open, no one is able to walk through it.”  Meaning, if you have a strong relationship, if your relationship with your spouse is good and healthy and functioning, neither one of you is interested in fucking that up, so no one else can come between you and your spouse/partner.  Why the fuck didn’t I think of that?  It makes perfect sense when you think about it that way doesn’t it?  It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes two to break it.  Now that doesn’t mean he needed to be sticking his dick into some other chick, but I guess he thought that was necessary.

Really, the grown-up thing to do would’ve been to come to me and tell me he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted a divorce.  But people, especially adults, don’t always do grown-up kinds of things when it comes to love and sex.  We are human and we make mistakes, and we pick wrong, and we hurt people we vowed to love until death us do part.  So right now these two very powerful men,  are being publicly humiliated for making extremely poor choices.  I guess it just goes to show that no matter how much rank, or money, or power you have, one wrong decision made for a moment of passion, can devastate a marriage, a career, an entire lifetime.

Life in general is messy, and the general(s), seems to be in a bit of a mess right now.



(I definitely encourage comments on this topic, because I can debate this sort of thing all day!  🙂 )

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5 thoughts on “Cheater, Cheater. . .Where’d you meet her?

  1. I agree. It takes two to break a relationship.

  2. It takes two to hurt a relationship, but it only takes one to have an affair. If you don’t want to view yourself as the “victim” and if you want to take a sliver of responsibility for your ex-husbands affair, go right ahead; you shouldn’t though. But no matter what, when a spouse cheats, it is 100% their fault. They could have left before straying. Or, they could have kept their vows and taken them seriously.

    And you stated that everyone makes mistakes. Forgetting to pick up milk at the grocery story is a mistake. Leaving the stove on too long is a mistake. An affair is not a mistake. It takes too much calculation and planning to merely be a mistake. You have to first get to know someone; rarely do people commit an affair within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. Then you have to calculate your lies and cover your tracks. There are so many steps that are taken in which the act of cheating could have been stopped.

    There is something that I find interesting and that I find often: women are usually more upset with the woman their significant other cheated with. Why is it that you forgave your ex, but not your ex friend? If anything, I would think you would forgive your friend, both, or neither at all. After all, he is the one that promised to honor your marriage-not your ex friend.

    Either way, I’m glad you were able to forgive him. You are so much stronger than I; my husband would be bleeding to death from his chest out on the street if he cheated. *sorry for the long response* 😛

    • I can’t forgive her because she broke the girlfriend code. In my book there is no forgiveness for breaking the girlfriend code. Maybe you don’t see it that way, but you might reconsider if the same thing happened to you. You don’t know how you will react to it until it happens. Maybe you could forgive your husband and not leave him dying in the street from a sucking chest wound, and maybe not. I didn’t think my ex would ever cheat. I thought he was loyal as a dog. Turns out he was just a dog! lol

      Relationships need nurturing. Without it they will die. Ours had died, but we didn’t want to admit it. He made it easy on himself–he already knew her, and she was quite willing to go there with him. He didn’t have to do much work, because she saw the life I had, and she wanted it. I don’t think I said I was more upset with her than him. They both had a hand in it, and he’s the one who was married, so he had the responsibility not to stray outside our union. He lied, she lied. Their marriage lasted about as long as his and mine, and now he is married to someone else. Karma is a bitch and I didn’t have to exact any revenge in this situation. What went around came back around.

      I had to forgive my ex because we have a child together. I couldn’t co-parent effectively with him if I didn’t forgive him. Did I forgive him for going and leaving me while pregnant with his child? Not really. Did I forgive him for sticking his dick in some other chick while he was still married to me? Not really. Did I forgive him for not being in love with me anymore and not being able to do the grown-up thing and leave me before starting another relationship? Yes, I did. Because in the end the most important thing is my son. He is the best thing to come out of that relationship. I love him so much more than I could ever hate his dad.

      Thanks for your comment and your visit! Hope you come back again!

  3. Or maybe it was just the penis rubbing thing. Conversations sound more interesting when that is going on.

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