Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “second chances”

Sowing The Seeds Of Love

you sow the seeds

but you only grow weeds

in your little garden you planted with her

fertilized with bitter words

showered with yelling like the squawking of a crow

“I love her, but I have my doubts it will work”

you told me

(and I wondered why you were bothering trying again)

ever the scarecrow

you don the overalls and the floppy hat

but even you can’t stop the foraging

your previous crop with her had failed

withered on the vine

you were different gardeners

both of you

afraid to throw in the trowel

so to speak

you can’t seem to take the sage advice

of the farmer’s almanac

about cultivating a healthy  harvest

you reap what you sow you know

you have weevils


pests eating at the roots

nibbling away at the foundation

chop it all down

compost the crap

let go

and let it return to the earth

maybe then

you will find someone

who can help you bring in a crop





Hard to Handle

Yes, I am.  That title is relevant to my update this evening.  Remember the man I wrote about last night?  And about him cutting off contact with me?  Well, today I decided I would text him again.  I hadn’t called, or texted, since my phone call yesterday morning when I left the message asking him to please just be honest with me.  So this morning, right before lunch, I thought I would send a text, and keep it light and humorous.  I find myself quite humorous, and it’s altogether possible he might find me humorous too.  Here’s how it went:

Me:  Is it because I like disco??  I know that turns a lot of guys off, but I can’t help myself. . .when a good disco song comes on I just have to dance!  🙂 (Smiley for good measure, right?)  I tried to keep it a secret for the longest time, but just couldn’t!  LOL

Him:  It’s because you freaked me out.  😦

Me:  (after about an hour, because I went to lunch and didn’t realize he texted, and plus I wanted to be sure what I was going to text back) Would you be willing to give me a second chance?

Him:  (after about 29 agonizingly long minutes)  Maybe.  I’m sorry I stopped talking to you.

Me:  I have missed talking to you, and I am sorry you felt the need to stop talking to me.  I know I can be intense sometimes. . .I think the Black Crowes wrote that song, Hard to Handle, about me.  LOL  (I know it’s a guy singing, but I am still hard to handle dammit!)

Him:  🙂

We exchanged some more text messages after that, I asked how he’d been, we talked about working out, you know, basics.  I wanted to keep it kind of light.  He told me he was going to try to catch some sleep, and I told him to sleep well and that was the end of the conversation.

I know some of you might wonder why I would ask for a second chance.  The only thing I can say is that I really think this guy is different.  He tells me he’s different, and he truly seems to be different.  This means I need to be different too.  I don’t mean that I need to be a different person, I just mean that I need to be different in the sense that I have to back off.  I have to stop being so intense right up front.  It was like someone had flipped a switch in my head, and I just started pouring it on.

While discussing this yesterday with a friend of mine, she said, “You’re pushing him away.”  WTF?  Whatchoo talkin’ bout Willis??  I said, “What do you mean I’m pushing him away?”  “You’re pushing him away with all your insecurities.”  she said.  Wow, that was a pretty smart thing for a 29 year old to say.  So I thought about it, and she was right.  My fear of losing someone I thought of as wonderful, and a potential partner, led me to push things too quickly, and basically throw myself at him by driving over three hours to meet him while he’s staying in a motel, away from home for work.  My fear manifested, set off a chain of fear, because then he got fearful, also known as “freaked”, and he began to pull away.  I push. . . .he pulls.

It’s like I’m screaming at him. . .”See me??  See how wonderful I am??  I am going to show you how wonderful I am and drive over 3 hours to meet you for the first time when you’re stuck in a motel away from home!!  I don’t care if you don’t know what your schedule is, or how long you’re going to be there, I want to come see you!!  Don’t you want me to come??””

And he’s sitting over there in his chair going. . . “Ummm. . . how do I say this without hurting your feelings?  No, I don’t think it’s a good idea if you drive 3 hours to come see me crazy lady who I’ve never met before!!  I don’t really trust you yet, and even though I like you, and find you interesting, and want to meet you at some point, that point is NOT today, so why don’t you just back the hell off??”

And then I stop screaming and I’m like. . .”Ok, I understand, because you do seem to be wiser and kinder than the average man I come across, and okay, I can get a little out of control, but please understand me, and men have treated me badly, and please be honest with me, and be understanding of where I’ve come from, and. . . ”  on and on and on ad nauseum.  Truly, it makes me sick when I think about what I told him on the phone that night.  No wonder the poor guy didn’t want to talk to me!

But maybe. . . .I think I can work with maybe.  Maybe he already likes me enough to continue communicating until we can meet at some point.  Maybe I can keep it together this time and not let my insecurities come flying out.  Maybe he really is the great guy he seems to be.  Maybe with time and patience, I will find out all I need to know.

Oh yeah, this song totally rocks too, so have a listen!!



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