Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Hard to Handle

Yes, I am.  That title is relevant to my update this evening.  Remember the man I wrote about last night?  And about him cutting off contact with me?  Well, today I decided I would text him again.  I hadn’t called, or texted, since my phone call yesterday morning when I left the message asking him to please just be honest with me.  So this morning, right before lunch, I thought I would send a text, and keep it light and humorous.  I find myself quite humorous, and it’s altogether possible he might find me humorous too.  Here’s how it went:

Me:  Is it because I like disco??  I know that turns a lot of guys off, but I can’t help myself. . .when a good disco song comes on I just have to dance!  🙂 (Smiley for good measure, right?)  I tried to keep it a secret for the longest time, but just couldn’t!  LOL

Him:  It’s because you freaked me out.  😦

Me:  (after about an hour, because I went to lunch and didn’t realize he texted, and plus I wanted to be sure what I was going to text back) Would you be willing to give me a second chance?

Him:  (after about 29 agonizingly long minutes)  Maybe.  I’m sorry I stopped talking to you.

Me:  I have missed talking to you, and I am sorry you felt the need to stop talking to me.  I know I can be intense sometimes. . .I think the Black Crowes wrote that song, Hard to Handle, about me.  LOL  (I know it’s a guy singing, but I am still hard to handle dammit!)

Him:  🙂

We exchanged some more text messages after that, I asked how he’d been, we talked about working out, you know, basics.  I wanted to keep it kind of light.  He told me he was going to try to catch some sleep, and I told him to sleep well and that was the end of the conversation.

I know some of you might wonder why I would ask for a second chance.  The only thing I can say is that I really think this guy is different.  He tells me he’s different, and he truly seems to be different.  This means I need to be different too.  I don’t mean that I need to be a different person, I just mean that I need to be different in the sense that I have to back off.  I have to stop being so intense right up front.  It was like someone had flipped a switch in my head, and I just started pouring it on.

While discussing this yesterday with a friend of mine, she said, “You’re pushing him away.”  WTF?  Whatchoo talkin’ bout Willis??  I said, “What do you mean I’m pushing him away?”  “You’re pushing him away with all your insecurities.”  she said.  Wow, that was a pretty smart thing for a 29 year old to say.  So I thought about it, and she was right.  My fear of losing someone I thought of as wonderful, and a potential partner, led me to push things too quickly, and basically throw myself at him by driving over three hours to meet him while he’s staying in a motel, away from home for work.  My fear manifested, set off a chain of fear, because then he got fearful, also known as “freaked”, and he began to pull away.  I push. . . .he pulls.

It’s like I’m screaming at him. . .”See me??  See how wonderful I am??  I am going to show you how wonderful I am and drive over 3 hours to meet you for the first time when you’re stuck in a motel away from home!!  I don’t care if you don’t know what your schedule is, or how long you’re going to be there, I want to come see you!!  Don’t you want me to come??””

And he’s sitting over there in his chair going. . . “Ummm. . . how do I say this without hurting your feelings?  No, I don’t think it’s a good idea if you drive 3 hours to come see me crazy lady who I’ve never met before!!  I don’t really trust you yet, and even though I like you, and find you interesting, and want to meet you at some point, that point is NOT today, so why don’t you just back the hell off??”

And then I stop screaming and I’m like. . .”Ok, I understand, because you do seem to be wiser and kinder than the average man I come across, and okay, I can get a little out of control, but please understand me, and men have treated me badly, and please be honest with me, and be understanding of where I’ve come from, and. . . ”  on and on and on ad nauseum.  Truly, it makes me sick when I think about what I told him on the phone that night.  No wonder the poor guy didn’t want to talk to me!

But maybe. . . .I think I can work with maybe.  Maybe he already likes me enough to continue communicating until we can meet at some point.  Maybe I can keep it together this time and not let my insecurities come flying out.  Maybe he really is the great guy he seems to be.  Maybe with time and patience, I will find out all I need to know.

Oh yeah, this song totally rocks too, so have a listen!!



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