Fat Bottom Girl Said What
When my ass talks, people listen.
Five Card Stud
If life were a card game
there would be no
championship, no tournament
for me
I can’t bluff
I don’t have a poker face
I don’t know when to hold ’em
or when to fold ’em
No ace in the hole
No see you, no raise you
No call, no fold
spread
squeeze play
stud
suck out
tainted out
texture
tilt
tight
I’m a wild card baby
an irregular declaration
a maniac
So ante up
with your deep stack
go all in
push
I’m an exposed card
What you see is what you get. . . .
File This Under WTF
While fucking off some time at work this morning, trying to avoid doing my actual job, I was perusing Overstock.com and found this. Batman Eau de Toilette. Yep, file this under WTF. What do you imagine Batman smells like? He hangs out in a fucking Batcave. I would imagine a Batcave smells like guano, and that can’t smell good. What man in their right mind would buy this shit? Just for future reference, you’re NEVER getting laid if you use Batman cologne.
Dirty Little Mind
This invoice just crossed me desk. Hammer bits and layered gel “pro” kneepads. WTF is wrong with my mind??
Which also reminds me of this great tune by Jackyl:
Moustaches and Manners
Hey boys and girls! Look what I got in the mail today from that stalker JWo! It’s my official thank you note for my Movember donation. I think it’s very nice that he took the time to send a personal, handwritten note, because I usually only get bills. And on top of thanking me for supporting his prostate region, er, uh, prostate cause he also included these sexy pictures to fuel my moustache ride fantasies! Next year can you and Chowderhead and about 10 other guys get together and do a whole calendar? But seriously, get your prostate checked!! Paging Ben Dover. . .Ben Dover. . .
Transparencies
Do you see it?
Maybe you missed it
Hidden behind my independence
My brashness and sarcasm
The word “fuck” flying out of my mouth at record speed
The unconventional hairdo
The tattoos
I don’t think it’s hard to see if you know what you’re looking for
Stop and look again.
Do you see the smile?
The kindness in the eyes?
The love for family and friends?
The loyalty to those I care about?
My kindness towards animals?
My sense of humor and wit?
My willingness to make an ass out of myself to hear other’s laughter?
You still don’t see it?
Then you must not be the man for me.
White Christmas
I wanted to be sitting in a refurbished opera house right now watching a big screen showing of one of my favorite Christmas musicals, White Christmas, but instead I am laying around on my couch sneezing and snotting with a head cold I woke up with. I am not a good sick person. I don’t like being sick. It pisses me off. I don’t want to lay around unless I decide I want to lay around! However, it’s cold outside and snowing, so who really wants to go out anyway? Since I couldn’t make it to the theatre today, I had to get my White Christmas fix on youtube. Maybe I should tell Santa I want a copy of it for Christmas.
Deck The Fucking Halls
Finally the damn tree is decorated and all the lights match! The bulb placement might not be perfect, but I can always make adjustments. Best thing about this tree? It makes a great night light and creates some major ambiance up in here. Too bad I don’t have a man to snuggle on the couch with and enjoy it. But, it’s on my Xmas list, so maybe Santa will bring him. 😉
Boundaries
I drew my line in the sand.
“Don’t cross it,” I told you.
You didn’t listen, so I tried to tell you again.
In different ways.
“This is my personal space, and I don’t want you in it.”
“You’re using up too much of my air and I’m finding it difficult to breathe.”
“I won’t allow you to swallow me whole, like I’m sure you’ve done to so many others.”
But once again, you didn’t listen.
So I walked away.
A Narcissistic Fairytale
He’s the narcissistic fox, and I am the trusting gingerbread man.
run, run, as fast as you can,
don’t let him catch you,
he’s the narcissistic man
If you’ve been hanging around here for a couple of years reading the drivel I write, you’re probably aware I was in a relationship with a narcissist a couple of years ago. If you’re interested in going back, I talk about it here, and here. That was when I first started my blog, and I had about 2 followers at the time. I might possibly have a few more than that now. Anyway, fast forward to 2013, and here I am face to face with a narcissist again. What to do, what to do?
Fat Bottom Girl Said What 