Kiwi-Strawberry, Passionfruit, Sweet Cherry, Tropical Punch. None of those flavors gets me in the mood, and they actually make me feel like someone might yell out “Hey Kool-Aid” and a giant pitcher is going to come busting through the wall, so who in the hell ever thought fruit flavored sex lube was a good idea?
I like pina coladas, but I don’t want one slathered on my cooter, and I certainly don’t want to have to lick it off some dude’s meat sword!
My mouth may spew expletives and be crass, but I have a rather refined palette. I like good food and drinks. I want taste explosions in my mouth. I want my culinary experiences to be as pleasurable as sex, so that got me to thinking.
Why not combine the two?
I think lube should start coming in flavors like filet mignon, or merlot, or chocolate mousse,or maybe Texas BBQ brisket flavor, which would come with a bonus of Lonestar flavored edible undies.
Or maybe hot beef sandwich flavor, or apple pie, or cinnamon roll.
Or maybe even a sushi flavored one. (Lord help you if you don’t need a lube to attain that particular flavor!)
Pretty sure I need to get a patent for this stuff. Seriously. This could be the next big thing.
Just think about it.
When was the last time you saw your man tear into anything fruity? You want your man lusting after you like he lusts after a T-bone and a shot of whiskey.
And guys, can you think of a better way to get your woman to orally pleasure you than to rub some lube flavored like chocolate salted caramel on your weiner?
That’s what I thought.
If you need me I’ll be at the patent office.
P.S. I’m taking applications from men who’d like to help me taste test.