Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Sex Lube and Fine Dining

Kiwi-Strawberry, Passionfruit, Sweet Cherry, Tropical Punch. None of those flavors gets me in the mood, and they actually make me feel like someone might yell out “Hey Kool-Aid” and a giant pitcher is going to come busting through the wall, so who in the hell ever thought fruit flavored sex lube was a good idea?

I like pina coladas, but I don’t want one slathered on my cooter, and I certainly don’t want to have to lick it off some dude’s meat sword!

My mouth may spew expletives and be crass, but I have a rather refined palette. I like good food and drinks.  I want taste explosions in my mouth.  I want my culinary experiences to be as pleasurable as sex, so that got me to thinking.

Why not combine the two?

I think lube should start coming in flavors like filet mignon, or merlot, or chocolate mousse,or maybe Texas BBQ brisket flavor, which would come with a bonus of Lonestar flavored edible undies.

Or maybe hot beef sandwich flavor, or apple pie, or cinnamon roll.

Or maybe even a sushi flavored one. (Lord help you if you don’t need a lube to attain that particular flavor!)

Pretty sure I need to get a patent for this stuff.  Seriously.  This could be the next big thing.

Just think about it.

When was the last time you saw your man tear into anything fruity?  You want your man lusting after you like he lusts after a T-bone and a shot of whiskey.

And guys, can you think of a better way to get your woman to orally pleasure you than to rub some lube flavored like chocolate salted caramel on your weiner?

That’s what I thought.

If you need me I’ll be at the patent office.

P.S. I’m taking applications from men who’d like to help me taste test.

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12 thoughts on “Sex Lube and Fine Dining

  1. Taste Tester line starts here.

  2. Sure why not count me in.

  3. FatBottom-baby. Ummm…only men? What about some hot-under-the girdle hussies ready to help you taste-test? Just sayin’…why limit yourself. Hahahahahah! Great post. You crack me up routinely, sista. I love you for it.

  4. beingbrianbrew215 on said:

    I’d love to help you taste test haha.

  5. Hilarious, only surprised that there wasn’t 200 volunteers to help you!

  6. Well, you’ve had over a year to work on this. I might be interested if you have thin crust pepperoni with extra cheese pizza or loaded baked potato with sour cream.

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