Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “emotional abuse”

The Honeymoon Phase

Don’t do it, I want to tell her.  Don’t go back to him.

But it’s too late.  She’s with him again, and she’s got all the same old excuses for being with him.

I’m keeping it casual.

He’s different now, not like he was before.

So you forgot, I guess.

You forgot all the nasty things he called you.

You forgot how he made you feel like a piece of shit by all the things he said, and all the things he did.

You forgot all the insecurity and the tears and the feelings of insanity.

You forgot how he didn’t put you first.  Hell, he didn’t even put you second.

You forgot how your son said he was scared of him. How your son knew that this guy didn’t make you happy.

But you went back anyway.

I suppose you went back for all the same reasons all of us go back–because you can’t get those old tapes to stop playing in your head, you can’t get past the fear of being alone, you can’t put yourself first, let alone your son.

I want to tell you you’ll regret it.  I want to scream “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GO BACK TO THAT PIECE OF SHIT AND CHOOSE HIM OVER YOUR KID!”.

But I don’t.  I stay quiet.  There’s nothing I can do even though I can see how this all will play out, and I don’t even need a crystal ball.  You will have to learn on your own, because it’s something which can’t be taught.

I had to be my own teacher, but I eventually learned.

I have been you.

And you are now me.

 

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you’re aware I’ve been involved in more than one relationship which has been abusive, be it either physically, psychologically, or both.  I prefer not to label myself as either a “victim” or a “survivor” of domestic violence.  I prefer to see myself as a scholar of life in general.  There have been times in my life when I have made poor choices about relationships, and I have learned many hard lessons, and have moved on to make better choices.  That’s all.

You might not think someone who has learned some of these particular life lessons might want to see any sort of violence, but when the now infamous video of Ray and Janay Rice surfaced this week, curiosity got the best of me and I watched it.  I watched it, and then I started reading everyone’s reaction to it, and then I got irritated.  The more I read the more irritated I got.

Did these people see the same video I saw?  It seemed that maybe they didn’t.  I didn’t see one “victim”.  No, I don’t see Janay as the victim in this as so many others seem to.

I can almost hear the collective “oh my gods” as I type that, and I realize by even writing this blog post I am subjecting myself to all kinds of criticism of my opinion, and even possible backlash, but obviously I’m still doing it, and I can, because this is my blog.

Let me tell you why I don’t take the same view as others have.

I have had vitriol spewed at me, I have had hands around my throat trying to choke the life out of me, I have been kicked and pushed and even had my face used as an ashtray, and never once, not one fucking time, even during states of inebriation, would I have thought to smack one of my abusers in the face, or spit at them, or taunt them with words.

That’s not proof that she’s not a victim of domestic violence, you might say.  But if getting punched in the elevator by Ray makes Janay a victim, why don’t her actions towards Ray make him a victim also?

You know why?  Perception.  Society seems to have an extremely skewed perception that men can’t be victims of domestic violence because they’re often taller, or more muscular than their spouse or significant other, they often make more money, and seem to have more power within the relationship.

But the way things seem to be isn’t always the way they are.  Statistics show 40% of domestic violence victims are men.  40%.  I would guess the actual number is probably higher than that, as most men are often embarrassed to come forward and admit they have suffered abuse from their partner because of the stigma attached to it.

In my own personal experience, I have seen my brother take being hit, scratched, having his clothes torn off him, and called names by his drunk high school girlfriend while he just stood there and took it.  I know other men who have suffered constant verbal abuse, and have been slapped and pushed, by girlfriends or wives, who never once even lifted a hand to defend themselves against these physical attacks, who have stayed in relationships for the same reason abused women do, because they made a vow, or for their kids, or because they’re too scared to leave for fear of what their partner would do if they did.

Am I saying Ray Rice is a victim of spousal abuse?  I can’t say for sure, but it appears to me Janay dishes out abuse to him also, just without the same physical result of the abuse he dished out to her.  It appears to me they have a very volatile and mutually abusive relationship, and I think it’s sad they feel the need to be in that type of relationship.

My point is this:  maybe it’s time to bring the subject of males suffering domestic violence out into the light, because it’s a reality.  It happens every day, and it’s very possible you know a man who’s suffering in silence right now.

Please take a minute to check out the following link, and watch the video. This is a hidden-camera experiment which was done to gauge reactions to violence.  The differences in onlookers’ reactions to man on woman violence, as opposed to woman on man violence is unbelievable, and to me quite sickening and inappropriate when it comes to seeing the female being abusive to the male.

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/watch-how-people-react-when-they-see-a-woman-abuse-a-man-in#12r9a1p

 

No one, absolutely NO ONE should have to suffer abuse, be it physical or verbal!

 

 

 

 

 

Mind Fuck

The old mind fuck.  A little game I like to play with myself.  Been playing it for years, and I’ve had a big round of it going today!  I had debated whether to write about it or not, because of the reason I’m doing the mind fuck.  Yes, it has to do with a guy, but for some reason I’m feeling kind of superstitious about not writing about him.  I know, sounds weird, but I have this silly notion that I might jinx it if I write about it on here.  The reason is, because he seems so fabulous.  I would stress the “seems”, because I haven’t even met him in person yet.  His work schedule is quite hectic, and we are trying to figure out a time.

The mind fuck began last night.  Now mind you, this was after he and I had spoke on the phone at least twice yesterday, for at least two hours.  Didn’t make any difference though, because I had told him something that made me feel exposed and vulnerable.  And the mind fuck begins.  I guess at the basis of the mind fuck is self-esteem issues, which have been around for years, but are really still in excess since I only seem to be able to have relationships with guys who cheat on me, or who are emotionally abusive, which leads to trust issues, which is what led me to blabbering on like an idiot to him last night.  I really don’t want this guy to think I’m a total nut job and that I need medication, but I think a man who “seems” to be the genuine article and a potential partner needs to know a few things about me.  So I have told him about the abusive ex, and I have told him about the cheating exes, and he seems very understanding of where I am coming from when I tell him my wariness about certain situations.  But, it still starts the mind fuck for me.  Even considering a relationship, even with a guy who “seems” amazing, is a source of extreme anxiety for me.  I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t know how to stop it!!  Why can’t I just enjoy it?  Why do I have to start the constant barrage of questions in my head about why he hasn’t texted enough, or why didn’t he call right when he got off work?

It’s all kinds of crazy, because I had a life before he came along, and he had a life before me too.  I have to continue to live my life, and he has to continue to live his.  If it’s going to work, we will figure out a way to mesh them together.  I have to stop the old tapes in my head. He is not the men that have come before.  He is his own person, and I have to allow him to be whatever he is.  I do hope what he is, is the wonderful man he’s shown me so far.

I have to remember that I am a wonderful woman, and he would be lucky to have me.  I have to remember I am a competent, smart, talented, humorous, sexy, strong woman, and to stop acting like some simpering little bitch.  Basically, I need to remember that I am a fat bottom girl and I need to rock it!

 

 

Post Navigation

Sparklebumps: The Mother Version

Still histrionic, still a bookwhore; just faking competence because of my kid.

GREAT AWAKENINGS

i've choked on my words for far too long

ZOVISION

It's not the length of life, but the depth.

My Blog

A great WordPress.com site

The Phil Factor

Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk and Let's Its Hair Down

Fighting the Myth

Shining the light of truth on delusion

The Haunted Librarian

Researching, investigating, and writing about the paranormal.

bloggerelstl

You either get it... or you don't.

theonerealheir.wordpress.com/

Inky blackness, a yawning void ~

Caffeinated Cyclist

oh what's the point.

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

Ella Dawson

My business is generally pleasurable.

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa

SAINTSWEST

Just my thoughts for all to behold

Book Snob

FOR DISCERNING READERS

An Obvious Oblivion Blog

🍃 Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. 🍃

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Daniel Aegan

Writer, Tarot Reader, Designer

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

Even at Your Darkest

Seeking Beauty Beyond the Scars

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle