Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Mind Fuck

The old mind fuck.  A little game I like to play with myself.  Been playing it for years, and I’ve had a big round of it going today!  I had debated whether to write about it or not, because of the reason I’m doing the mind fuck.  Yes, it has to do with a guy, but for some reason I’m feeling kind of superstitious about not writing about him.  I know, sounds weird, but I have this silly notion that I might jinx it if I write about it on here.  The reason is, because he seems so fabulous.  I would stress the “seems”, because I haven’t even met him in person yet.  His work schedule is quite hectic, and we are trying to figure out a time.

The mind fuck began last night.  Now mind you, this was after he and I had spoke on the phone at least twice yesterday, for at least two hours.  Didn’t make any difference though, because I had told him something that made me feel exposed and vulnerable.  And the mind fuck begins.  I guess at the basis of the mind fuck is self-esteem issues, which have been around for years, but are really still in excess since I only seem to be able to have relationships with guys who cheat on me, or who are emotionally abusive, which leads to trust issues, which is what led me to blabbering on like an idiot to him last night.  I really don’t want this guy to think I’m a total nut job and that I need medication, but I think a man who “seems” to be the genuine article and a potential partner needs to know a few things about me.  So I have told him about the abusive ex, and I have told him about the cheating exes, and he seems very understanding of where I am coming from when I tell him my wariness about certain situations.  But, it still starts the mind fuck for me.  Even considering a relationship, even with a guy who “seems” amazing, is a source of extreme anxiety for me.  I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t know how to stop it!!  Why can’t I just enjoy it?  Why do I have to start the constant barrage of questions in my head about why he hasn’t texted enough, or why didn’t he call right when he got off work?

It’s all kinds of crazy, because I had a life before he came along, and he had a life before me too.  I have to continue to live my life, and he has to continue to live his.  If it’s going to work, we will figure out a way to mesh them together.  I have to stop the old tapes in my head. He is not the men that have come before.  He is his own person, and I have to allow him to be whatever he is.  I do hope what he is, is the wonderful man he’s shown me so far.

I have to remember that I am a wonderful woman, and he would be lucky to have me.  I have to remember I am a competent, smart, talented, humorous, sexy, strong woman, and to stop acting like some simpering little bitch.  Basically, I need to remember that I am a fat bottom girl and I need to rock it!

 

 

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

One thought on “Mind Fuck

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Dirty, Naked & Happy

the erratic journals of a happily incorrigible lady-child

Playing for Time

"How did it get so late so soon?" ~Dr. Seuss

The Things I learnt

Happy Vibes ❤

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

My business is generally pleasurable.

The blogging home of Ella Dawson

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa

SAINTSWEST

Just my thoughts for all to behold

Book Snob

FOR DISCERNING READERS

An Obvious Oblivion Blog

🍃 Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. 🍃

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Lou Times Two

top knot wearin' mama to twin girls

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Tangled Up In Music

Music Reviews (and other things)

Yeah, Another Blogger

An Arts-Filled And Tasty Jaunt Through Life

Budgie Bigelow's Blog

Finely crafted short fiction & stories

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle

Buffalo Tom Peabody's blog 2

The 9 Lives of Buffalo Tom Peabody, Gunther Tootie, Ignatius “IGGY” Rattlebottom-Bunn, Larry "Bubba" Flowers & Doodlesack. NO AWARDS. please.

knowingkimberly

I blog now. I know, I can't believe it either.

Part-Time Monster

I eat books for breakfast.

The Reluctant Cat Owner's Journal

Gay humor writer writing about cats, cat care, life, and the adventures of being gay.

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

Stop Me If I Told You This...

MUSINGS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC STORYTELLER

BOURGEOIS ALIEN

SATIRE, TWITTER, DRIVEL

%d bloggers like this: