The Seedy Underbelly of Blogging?
I’m not a “Mommy Blogger”. I have read those types of blogs before, and I have written about my family before, but if I were to categorize myself, I would be more of “questionable parenting moment blogger” than a mommy blogger.
For one reason, that’s not all I am. I’m not just a mom.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of holding that particular title, but I’m so much more than a mom on any given day.
But I just came across a blog post, written by a blogger I follow, who was very upset about a fellow “mommy blogger”, Josi Denise, who came clean about her long term blog and what went on behind the scenes. You can find Josi’s post here.
This blogger I follow, whose posts I usually enjoy reading, though I would never consider her a “mommy blogger”, felt Josi launched “a vitriolic attack” on mommy bloggers, and stated what Josi did was “women to women misogyny”. (I choose not to link to this other person’s blog, as she has a large number of followers, and I have no desire to draw ire from a horde of followers.)
I read Josi’s post, and I took something totally different away from it than it seems she did.
First of all, I have to say I would agree with some of Josi’s points.
Which, probably means nothing, because what do I really know about blogging, let alone big business blogging, where everyone is looking for you to sell shit for them by paying you. You know, like a job. A job where you get paid to do things you may or may not agree with in exchange for cold hard cash. Cold hard cash that feeds your kids and pays your internet bill so you can write more fluffy crap to gain more followers to make more cold hard cash.
Yeah, I wouldn’t know anything about that side of blogging, because that will never be me. I’m not really looking to do anything with my blog except get shit out of my head, and I don’t have any dreams of becoming a novelist. I mean sure, writing a book which would actually sell and make money would be awesome, but I try to be realistic.
Back to my original points though! It sounds to me like Josi is giving people a warning about the seedy underbelly of the blogging world, and the kind of path it can take you down. I get that this other blogger feels she did it in the wrong way, but Josi didn’t mention names of blogs, so I would hope all the women bloggers out there wouldn’t take it personally, and would be able to stand behind whatever their personal reasons for blogging are.
For me personally, I’m so used to being picked on for being a blogger in general, that I really couldn’t give two shits about this Josi chick or what she says. I could’ve taken it personally when I read a post this fellow blogger reposted yesterday on Facebook, which was written by another female blogger who said she was tired of everyone “bleeding” all over their blogs. I write very emotional and depressing things sometimes, so I could have taken this to heart, but I didn’t.
I write what I want to write when I want to write it. Therein lies the beauty of the blog, and in any form of writing—if someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to read it. We are not mindless zombies, we have the power to choose.
I think when blogs get huge, whether it’s a “Mommy” blog, or a humor blog, or a cooking blog, they become a different beast, and cross over into a social media platform where everything takes on a different meaning. Just like Facebook, or Twitter, or other sites, the fact remains people can use social media however they choose–to pretend their life is better than it seems, to garner attention, to make money, to rail about what an asshole their current/ex boyfriend/girlfriend is, or to share their love of Jesus and bunches of pictures of their dog.
But once again, I still hold the power to choose how I react to social media. I can scroll by. I can choose to feel someone is speaking directly to me. I can take it personally enough that I can choose to start a discourse about it, which is what this blogger I follow did, and in turn, I am choosing to post my own thoughts on what I read on her blog.
Secondly, regarding her feelings of “women to women misogyny”, this may sound harsh, but I don’t believe I’m responsible for building up every woman in this world. Neither should I tear them down, but after 47 years on this earth, I pick and choose my battles too.
Sometimes wisely, sometimes not so wisely, but honestly, life is dog eat dog, and I spend too much of my day just trying to maintain my own life, and take care of people I love. So I can’t rally behind her feeling that what Josi Denise did is misogynistic.
Will I rally about equal rights? Hell yes!
Will I rally about stopping domestic violence and rape and sexual assault? Hell yes!
Will I rally because some “former mommy blogger” has brought to light the greed mill which is big blogging? Fuck no.
Because to me, it’s not a battle worth fighting.
I read that as it was shared in a group I’m in. Most did agree in many ways with it but it’s so far removed from the world of blogging I live in that I didn’t really care about it.
What I do dispise is the term Mommy Blogger. If anyone ever referred to me or my blog as such I’d be up for criminal damage. I’m not sure why I feel such rage about the term, perhaps because I think it’s dismissive and patronising.
Like you I love to read what I enjoy and couldn’t be bothered reading what I don’t. I’ve the blogs I follow in my reader or facebook and that keeps me entertained. I too have bother enough in my own life without looking for a row online.
Mind you she may critisie those working with brands or hoping too, but she is someone who used to make good money from her blog and with over 6.5 thousand shares of that article I suspect she still does, or if not will in the very near future.
I agree the term is dismissive. And, I imagine she will probably continue to make money through her blog, but I guess that’s the business of blogging if you manage to get in the business. lol
I think recently I’ve been in another world of blogging, where it’s a bit, almost, nepotistic, so to speak. That’s the cliqueishness I was speaking of, and I hate it. Some of these blogs have such loyal followers that regardless of what the blogger says, they will blindly agree with it. Ick.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Tric!!
I’m glad you felt you could express your opinion. I’m open to discussions of all kinds, as long as someone isn’t yelling at me that I SUCK!!
As for the day before, Lizzi and I had a conversation because she knows I have been known to advise writers to “open a vein,” as I am one who does this myself. I’ve been far too serious lately! All my posts have been very heavy. And the blog world has seemed so gloomy. My facebook status was mainly directed at myself. I need to write some light stuff!
I’m just not in the mood lately.
I don’t experience your poetry as gloomy or bleeding, by the way. I enjoy it.
I promise you, not one of my readers would have been angry just because you disagreed with me. We’re all entitled to our opinions! Wouldn’t the blog world be boring if we all had the same ideas?
Keep on keeping on Xox
I was just curious as to why you took what she said so personally. In my opinion, she’s basically a sell out, and admitted to everyone what a sell out she is. I’ve never thought of you as a “mommy blogger”, which happens to be a term I detest, because it implies women are nothing but moms, when we are so much more.
I think you and I both know what can happen within the blogging world cliques, and it can get extremely ugly, so I always think carefully about what I might be subjecting myself to when I publish my opinions on different topics. Of course I forget, that only a select handful of people even read my blog. hahaha
I feel like blogging has crossed over into social media. There’s something different about it now, as opposed to when I started, and I’m not liking it.
That’s a fair question.
I don’t see it as taking it personally. I see what she did as part of a pattern in our culture- women attacking women. It’s a well documented tendency. Men are aware of it, and much has been written about their failure to take us seriously on any level, because we in-fight so much.
Men don’t. They argue when something is at stake, but they don’t spontaneously judge and try to take each other out, non-provoked.
In my opinion, her post was just the way women are conditioned to respond. She was disgusted with mommy blogging. But instead of writing a cautionary tale of how fucked up and insincere it is to write sponsored posts, she wrote a hate rant against other woman. Instead of against the industry that’s oppressing her.
I met with tons of brands at Blogher, and had lots of offers to write sponsored content last year. It wasn’t for me. Blog posts about Lysol and sunscreen? Not my thing.
But I just walked away. I didn’t write about how every single woman who does that is garbage. Different strokes, ya know?
Honestly, I work with men, and I see them in-fight all the time. I call it pissing contests. The difference is, they are usually able to let things go much quicker than women, and not go around holding grudges. This is why I prefer working with men over women, because women always act like you’re trying to take something from them—their man, their job, attention, whatever it may be, it’s a constant competition. It’s exhausting.
I don’t think I could ever do sponsored stuff. I’m not a very good bullshitter. lol
I always got along better with men, but I thought it was because I was raised with five brothers and no sisters.
Maybe men are just easier to deal with at work. Hmm.
I truly believe they are. That’s why I fit pretty well in the construction world. Plus you can cuss.
Oh crap! I’m on my phone and thought this was on my blog!
I hope this comment wasn’t too long!
No, it was fine. I appreciate the discourse. I can understand your feelings regarding it, and really appreciate that you didn’t feel like I’d offended you by posting about it.
Not at all! Look, you can be mighty snarky when you want, and you were totally respectful with what you wrote.
We’re cool. 💜
This is cool…I follow both of you, love your stuff. I love the way both of you handled this. But as a guy, I would have preferred some nude mud wrestling. And do not read any male chauvinism into that. Guys like mud…moms know this.
I prefer pudding wrestling, because you don’t have to worry about getting it in your mouth. Plus pudding.
OK…now we’re talking…pudding it is, bring it on. Hey, how come I can’t comment on Josie’s blog?
lol. Not sure. Maybe she didn’t want to deal with comments.
My first time to your blog. I popped over from Samara’s. I read Josi’s post last week and not even sure how I found it. I think it was through BlogHer. The funny thing is, when I read it I laughed in some parts and nodded. I also said to myself, this lady has balls! I didn’t once consider her female misogynist. I did think her words were a bit cutting toward mommy bloggers in general but she wasn’t singling anyone out plus she is a mommy blogger herself. It’s interesting the furor she has caused by airing her honest opinion. Nice reply to a reply here, at Fat Bottom Girl. I love the title of your blog! 🙂
Thanks so much for coming over and reading, and it’s nice to know someone felt the same way as I did. It seems to me that Josi pretty much “outed” herself for being a sell-out, but given the same chance to make money like that, who knows what I would do? Hard to know when you need to pay your bills!! Thanks again for coming by!
It must be hilarious for people on the outside of blogging to consider blogging to have any kind of underbelly, seedy or not. I’ve been in standup comedy for a long time and some of these discussions remind me of the back-and-forth between female comedians. For those on the outside the media coverage is always about women trying to make it in a field dominated by men, but so many women have written about the competition and backstabbing that goes on between the women as being one of the toughest things to navigate.
I would agree, and tend to think that in the blogging biz, women definitely have the upper hand over men–especially when it comes to peddling products, because I’m just guessing maybe 2/3 of the blogging audience is female.
Since I’m such a small blog, I don’t have to worry about companies approaching me to peddle their wares, and that’s just fine with me, because I’d be totally inappropriate in my reviews. hahaha
“if someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to read it”
This is key. I compare telling other people what to put on their blog to telling other people what to put on their body. Does anyone have the right to walk in your house, stride up to your closet, and order you to wear that blue tank top today? No? Then they can keep their effin’ noses out of your Edit page, too.
I know that at different times, I have gotten wrapped up in worrying about what I should, or should not post. Of course then I kicked myself, because I started blogging for me, purely as a cathartic tool. So I would kick my ass, and get back to my original reason for being here. I doubt I will ever get rich or famous, but that’s okay. I spew my bullshit and get rid of it, and it’s all good.
If you remain completely authentic in life, you automatically attract those who agree with your awesomeness and repel the ones who need a good public caning for their grammar, alone. So, being yourself is not only sane, it’s efficient as hell.