Cock-Eyed Optimist
Photo Credit: thesinglenester.com
Yep, that’s me. Always seeing the potential in a man. “A victim of my own optimism” on numerous occasions. I have high expectations of myself, and therefore tend to have high expectations of men I become involved with. I know. . . most of them never seem to live up to the expectations, but I continue to have them! Is this the same as believing someone can change? Yes, I think it’s very similar, and we all know we can’t go into a relationship with someone expecting them to change. I wouldn’t want someone to go into a relationship with me, and expect me to change, so it seems silly for me to expect that. And, I can sit around and say that I don’t expect them to change, that I like them just as they are, but when it comes to the majority of the guys I’ve been with in the last 12 years, that isn’t true. Really, there were these glaring things about them I knew I couldn’t live with, but I glossed them over with my cock-eyed optimism.
I need to remember what Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The first time The Fuck Stick kicked me and left the bruise on my leg he showed me exactly who he was, and I didn’t believe him. The second time, when he pushed me down and I almost hit my head on the paving stones, he confirmed it, and I knew, but I ignored him. The third time when he cut my face open, and had his hands around my throat, all optimism went out the window, and I saw him for the total fuck stick he was(is!).
I want to be optimistic about love, but I don’t want to be foolish. I want to be strong enough to walk away from men when they show me they aren’t worthy of my time. If they’re not worthy, and I stay, it is out of a sense of desperation, and I’m not desperate. I don’t need to be desperate. I just need to be happy.
Fat Bottom Girl Said What 
You have helped me come to terms with my lack of judgement in men and helped me realize that it is really hard to get away. I’m like you. I say I want to “fix” people. We see the best in them and try to it bring out.
I’ve discovered that people don’t change. But it’s also ok to set the bar high. It’s not your fault that you set high expectations for people and they tend to let you down. Just keep the expectations realistic and the right guy will fill the void. At least I keep telling myself that. For now, I enjoy the lack of fear. Best and most important feeling ever!
It’s such a delicate balance, isn’t it? My brother likes to tell me my “picker is broke”, and I guess for the most part it is. I can sit around all day knowing in my head what I want, but if I accept something less, then what is the point of knowing??
Amen
There is a huge difference between seeing the good in someone and ignoring blatantly obvious signs of assholeness. You’ll learn the difference……just believe in your own worthiness.
The ignoring is the issue. I would like to believe I am getting smarter though!
You’re getting WAY smarter, and I’m so happy whenever I hear “empowerment” coming from someone. You are “optimistically smart” about love, and that’s going to make all the difference in the world. Guess what? When we’re down on ourselves, others pick up on it and prey on us like vultures (just like f*** stick did). When we’re strong and feeling great about ourselves, that’s the kind of person we’ll attract!
I can feel your strength and self-worth coming through and I’m so happy!!! You are far from desperate! You’re an empowered, strong, beautiful woman!
Thanks Clara!! I am starting to feel better, and truly believing that none of this was my fault. He is a very sick person!! I found out last weekend, from our mutual friend, that he has an extensive history of physical abuse towards women. I don’t want to say finding that out makes me feel better, but at the same time, it does because I’m not alone in what happened. Thanks for being such a great supporter!!
🙂 PS It should make you feel better knowing it was not just “you” he chose to abuse, but he’s a totally sick person who will, in all probability, continue to abuse women for the rest of his life. I’m SO glad you’re not with that thing (I cannot bring myself to call him a man because real men don’t hurt women like that)!
A very happy day to you!
I agree, he is not a real man!! And a happy day to you too!!
I really think you are my twin! lol I am the same way with men. I know my “picker is broke!” I’m not picking anymore. I’m going to sit back and chill for awhile 🙂
I know I should, but I like to live dangerously too though!! lol
Both of us do! We are bad like that! lol
One of my favorites from South Pacific! Put that one on your playlist, too. 😉 And “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera. (Dorky video, good song.) Never lose that optimism. It may be misguided on occasion, but life is awful without it. Hang in there, sister!
South Pacific might possibly be all-time favorite musical!! I will have to go listen to “Fighter” again. 🙂