Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Cock-Eyed Optimist

Photo Credit:  thesinglenester.com

Photo Credit: thesinglenester.com

Yep, that’s me. Always seeing the potential in a man. “A victim of my own optimism” on numerous occasions. I have high expectations of myself, and therefore tend to have high expectations of men I become involved with. I know. . . most of them never seem to live up to the expectations, but I continue to have them! Is this the same as believing someone can change? Yes, I think it’s very similar, and we all know we can’t go into a relationship with someone expecting them to change. I wouldn’t want someone to go into a relationship with me, and expect me to change, so it seems silly for me to expect that. And, I can sit around and say that I don’t expect them to change, that I like them just as they are, but when it comes to the majority of the guys I’ve been with in the last 12 years, that isn’t true. Really, there were these glaring things about them I knew I couldn’t live with, but I glossed them over with my cock-eyed optimism.

I need to remember what Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The first time The Fuck Stick kicked me and left the bruise on my leg he showed me exactly who he was, and I didn’t believe him. The second time, when he pushed me down and I almost hit my head on the paving stones, he confirmed it, and I knew, but I ignored him. The third time when he cut my face open, and had his hands around my throat, all optimism went out the window, and I saw him for the total fuck stick he was(is!).

I want to be optimistic about love, but I don’t want to be foolish. I want to be strong enough to walk away from men when they show me they aren’t worthy of my time. If they’re not worthy, and I stay, it is out of a sense of desperation, and I’m not desperate. I don’t need to be desperate. I just need to be happy.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

14 thoughts on “Cock-Eyed Optimist

  1. You have helped me come to terms with my lack of judgement in men and helped me realize that it is really hard to get away. I’m like you. I say I want to “fix” people. We see the best in them and try to it bring out.
    I’ve discovered that people don’t change. But it’s also ok to set the bar high. It’s not your fault that you set high expectations for people and they tend to let you down. Just keep the expectations realistic and the right guy will fill the void. At least I keep telling myself that. For now, I enjoy the lack of fear. Best and most important feeling ever!

    • It’s such a delicate balance, isn’t it? My brother likes to tell me my “picker is broke”, and I guess for the most part it is. I can sit around all day knowing in my head what I want, but if I accept something less, then what is the point of knowing??

  2. There is a huge difference between seeing the good in someone and ignoring blatantly obvious signs of assholeness. You’ll learn the difference……just believe in your own worthiness.

  3. You’re getting WAY smarter, and I’m so happy whenever I hear “empowerment” coming from someone. You are “optimistically smart” about love, and that’s going to make all the difference in the world. Guess what? When we’re down on ourselves, others pick up on it and prey on us like vultures (just like f*** stick did). When we’re strong and feeling great about ourselves, that’s the kind of person we’ll attract!

    I can feel your strength and self-worth coming through and I’m so happy!!! You are far from desperate! You’re an empowered, strong, beautiful woman!

    • Thanks Clara!! I am starting to feel better, and truly believing that none of this was my fault. He is a very sick person!! I found out last weekend, from our mutual friend, that he has an extensive history of physical abuse towards women. I don’t want to say finding that out makes me feel better, but at the same time, it does because I’m not alone in what happened. Thanks for being such a great supporter!!

      • 🙂 PS It should make you feel better knowing it was not just “you” he chose to abuse, but he’s a totally sick person who will, in all probability, continue to abuse women for the rest of his life. I’m SO glad you’re not with that thing (I cannot bring myself to call him a man because real men don’t hurt women like that)!

        A very happy day to you!

      • I agree, he is not a real man!! And a happy day to you too!!

  4. Kira on said:

    I really think you are my twin! lol I am the same way with men. I know my “picker is broke!” I’m not picking anymore. I’m going to sit back and chill for awhile 🙂

  5. One of my favorites from South Pacific! Put that one on your playlist, too. 😉 And “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera. (Dorky video, good song.) Never lose that optimism. It may be misguided on occasion, but life is awful without it. Hang in there, sister!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Dirty, Naked & Happy

the erratic journals of a happily incorrigible lady-child

Playing for Time

"How did it get so late so soon?" ~Dr. Seuss

The Things I learnt

Happy Vibes ❤

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

My business is generally pleasurable.

The blogging home of Ella Dawson

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa

SAINTSWEST

Just my thoughts for all to behold

Book Snob

FOR DISCERNING READERS

An Obvious Oblivion Blog

🍃 Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. 🍃

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Lou Times Two

top knot wearin' mama to twin girls

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Tangled Up In Music

Music Reviews (and other things)

Yeah, Another Blogger

An Arts-Filled And Tasty Jaunt Through Life

Budgie Bigelow's Blog

Finely crafted short fiction & stories

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle

Buffalo Tom Peabody's blog 2

The 9 Lives of Buffalo Tom Peabody, Gunther Tootie, Ignatius “IGGY” Rattlebottom-Bunn, Larry "Bubba" Flowers & Doodlesack. NO AWARDS. please.

knowingkimberly

I blog now. I know, I can't believe it either.

Part-Time Monster

I eat books for breakfast.

The Reluctant Cat Owner's Journal

Gay humor writer writing about cats, cat care, life, and the adventures of being gay.

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

Stop Me If I Told You This...

MUSINGS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC STORYTELLER

BOURGEOIS ALIEN

SATIRE, TWITTER, DRIVEL

%d bloggers like this: