He Ain’t Seen Me Crazy Yet
I am not a good liar, but I tried to lie to my son about how this happened. He didn’t believe me. He is a very perceptive boy, and always has been. I came clean with him about it. He told me, “My dad was afraid something like this was going to happen.” His dad worries that I make poor choices in men, I guess. My son wanted to know if I need his dad’s help. My son said, “Please don’t ever let anyone do this to you again.” My heart hurts tonight. I don’t know how I got back here again. This isn’t the first abusive relationship I’ve been in. I want it to be the last.
You know the worst part? I hit back. I was tired of just sitting there taking it, so I hit back, and then he choked me, right there in his pickup, while we’re sitting in a parking lot, truck running. Pretty sure you stand a better chance of encountering a cop when you’ve had a couple of beers and get behind the wheel, than when you’re getting choked out in a pickup.
I titled my post last night “Stupid Girl”, because I feel stupid. I am a college educated woman, with my own home, and decent credit, and a good job, but sometimes I am still a stupid girl. I should’ve never gone back after the first kick and subsequent bruise, I should’ve told him to pack his shit after the second shove and subsequent landing on my ass on the ground and my head barely missing the paving stones. You know what cut my cheek? A baseball cap. The plastic thing on the back of a baseball cap. He got pissed off at me and threw the baseball cap right at my face. I didn’t even realize that it had cut my cheek until I pulled my hand away and saw the blood. He told me it cut me because I am “weak”. That’s what he said—I am weak. He wouldn’t have thrown it, but I pissed him off because, I “don’t know when to shut my fucking mouth”.
I think that motherfucker better just be glad I didn’t call the cops. Not only would he have been arrested for a domestic, I am guessing he would’ve also gotten charged with DUI, and it would’ve been his 4th. Here in Kansas your 4th DUI is mandatory one year in jail. That’s a good long while to sit and think about shit, isn’t it?