In Case You Were Interested. . . .
If you’re going to love me, there are a few things you should know.
1. I expect you to love me with all of your being. Yes, all of it. You know why? Because if I love you, I will love you with all of mine, so I only think it’s fair you do the same. If you can’t love someone with all of your being, then what’s the point?
2. Some days I won’t be easy to love. I know some days you won’t be easy to love either, but on these days, I expect each of us to look at the other, and remember the reason we began loving each other in the first place. Then we need to make a conscious effort to make each other laugh, because I know one of the reasons we will have begun loving each other is because we can always make each other laugh.
3. Because you have a child (or if you have a child), I don’t always expect to come first, but I better be a damn close second. You might not need me to be a mother to your child, and I know I don’t need you to be a father to mine, but being in a relationship with someone who already has children can be tough sometimes, but we still need to remember we are in a relationship. I believe happy parents raise happy children, and well, just see #1, because if that’s what’s going on, everything will be okay.
4. I don’t have to spend every waking moment, or every day with you. However, I do expect to have daily contact with you. Daily contact to me means speaking on the phone for at least a few minutes, if we cannot see each other, and we are not living together. Texting doesn’t count. Texting is lazy.
5. I expect you to help me through tough times. This doesn’t mean I think you need to pay my bills. I need you to be there for me when I’m having a rough day, just like I will be there for you.
6. I expect you to help me with projects. No, I am not just trying to use you to do “man stuff” around my house. I expect it, but it is very hard for me to ask for help. I am stubborn, I am prideful, I am hard-headed, and I don’t like to be beholden to anyone. I would imagine you are the same, because if you’re not, we probably wouldn’t have ever gotten together in the first place. So please, volunteer to help me with stuff. You helping me is sexy, and will get you tons of sex!
7. I don’t have to have expensive gifts, but every once in awhile it would be nice to get thoughtful gifts. I try to give the people I love thoughtful gifts, something that speaks to the type of person they are, and the things they like. I like to receive thoughtful gifts, because it makes me feel like you’re paying attention, and that you really know me.
8. I just realized this list could go on for awhile. It’s not that I am telling you how to love me, I am just letting you know some of the ways I would like to be loved. Do I like hear someone telling me they love me? Of course. Do I need to hear it 50 times a day? No. Do I need to be shown, through actions, that I am loved? Yes, I do. Love is a verb.
been struggling with number 3 for two years now…. emotionally balancing kids/woman seems to be especially hard for men, judging by all of the forums and blogs I see about never, ever, EVER dating a man with kids…. I sorta thought I was cool enough to ride that wave but I am beginning to believe I have failed. 😦
I wonder why that is? Are most women more willing to set aside time for a man, than vice versa?
Also, you have to contend with the mothers of these children possibly, at some point. If they don’t even want to work with the father of the child/children, to successfully co-parent, how in the hell are is a girlfriend supposed to deal when thrown into the mix?? I try to keep my mouth shut, but when I see KOAPH struggling because his son’s mother is withholding visitation, I get pissed!! These women that do that shit piss me the fuck off, because it makes all of us look bad!
Don’t feel bad, I don’t know that I am cool enough to ride the wave either, because I haven’t ever done it! Can you say. .. . WIPEOUT??? LOL
A little late to the part-ay here… my experience is that at least the man I have been dealing with seem to have an extreme amount of unspoken guilt about moving on “without” his kids… like building a life and being happy with other people is a betrayal or something. To the point that he has ruined many moments extracting himself from an experience to manufacture a way to insert them into it. Does that make any sense? He will stop a moment in its tracks (leave a blues show, walk away from a sunset…), separate himself to leave and connect with them. Very frustrating, no matter how selfless of a woman you are. I know a lot of women avoid divorced dads like the plague for the obvious reasons… being broke because of support, mama drama, etc. But for me, my relationship with a dad is failing because it feels like he always keeps one foot out the door. I guess it’s just something I’m not good at.
Sounds like it has more to do with him than you, so don’t be so hard on yourself! I think dating after a divorce, with children, is difficult any way you slice it. Some people just make it harder than others with a lot of unnecessary guilt.
I used to tell my ex every day how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I always thought that telling her was enough, because in my mind I was very sincere. I never thought I needed any actions. Seems I was very mistaken
Well, I think love is definitely an action word. It’s nice to hear someone say they love you, but I think you can also tell a person too much, and then it starts to seem like a person is saying it out of obligation almost. I tend to be the type of person who does things for people when I care about them, so maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about action being so important when it comes to love. I don’t just pay it lip service. 🙂
Yeah, my ex husband must’ve told me every hour on the hour that he loved me…it got to feel like it was “awkward silence filler” more than a heart felt sentiment. Sorta like the time I had been hit with the flu for two days, looked like a bomb had gone off in my face, and he very dramatically looked at me and said “you are SO beautiful”.. say what? Us girls can get pretty pissy when we feel like we are being patronized…at least this one, anyhow. 🙂
Agreed! I like to hear I am beautiful, or how awesome I look when I get dressed up, but it can be over done. I bet you looked really hot after having the stomach flu!! LOL