Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

The Man Test List

A joint effort between me and my son.

A joint effort between me and my son.

About two and a half years ago, after I had told my loser ex-boyfriend, Mr. ASPD, to kick rocks for the last time, and got a PFA to drive my point home, my son and I came up with “The Man Test List”.  We happened to be sitting in a restaurant, waiting for our food, and I brought up the idea of making a list of qualities I would like to have in a guy.  I had seen this list thing on Oprah awhile before this–you know, the one where they say to write a bunch of the qualities down you want in a man, and then put it away, and the guy with those qualities will come to you?  After being with Mr. ASPD for 3 1/2 years and enduring loads of bullshit, I figured what the hell, I would try anything to get a good guy.  So, my son and I put together the pictured list.

Pretty easy to tell the things he was concerned about—“knows how to sharpen sticks” and “good at video games”, but he also came up with the “good job he can stay at a long time and not get hurt”.  I think that last one came from the fact that Mr. ASPD did concrete work, and had hurt his back about 9 months before I booted his ass out (I won’t go into the numerous pain killers he was on and what an ass he became when he was taking them).  I guess I wasn’t the only one who got tired of hearing about how bad his back hurt!  Funny how kids pick up on those things too.

I have never put these items in any order of importance.  I’m not sure if I could.  Do I have to have a man who dances country?  No, I can live without him being able to dance, but it would probably be a good thing if he likes country music.  Does he have to love cats?  Well, not love them, but he would have to put up with them since we have 2 in this house.  The sticks and the video games?  I don’t think my son is very concerned about a guy having those particular talents anymore.  The rest of the stuff on the list?  I wouldn’t consider any of them negotiable.  I think I am all of those things, so why wouldn’t I want a man who is all of those things?

Many of the guys I have come across since I came up with this list don’t have even half of these qualities.  Most of them don’t possess the loyal and trustworthy traits, which are key, regardless of whether they have the funny, smart, and caring ones.  I guess my point is this:  you better bring it.  Like I said, I pride myself on being pretty much all of these things, and more, so if you want to be with this girl, you best bring your “A” game, because I’m not fucking around.  I can put up with a lot of shit from a good man, but I won’t put up with shit from just any man.


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4 thoughts on “The Man Test List

  1. I say to girlfriends never settle. There is always the guy you want out there. Just make sure you’re the gal on their list too.

  2. Adventures in Kevin's World on said:

    If I think all but 4 of those am I doing OK? (“Attractive to you” I obviously can’t rate!). Great list. I should do a list of my own and see what I come up with….

    • I would love for you to do a list so I could read it. I was just wondering if guys ever do lists? Maybe they do them in their heads and never put them on paper? Or maybe you just know when it’s right? I tend to go with my gut first, and if it feels right, then I will consult the list.

      By the way, I do think you’re handsome. ;). Of course I sort of have the upper hand when it comes to that, because I never post pics of myself on here. I could be some old hag, with only one good tooth in her head. But if you’re like me, I make up a picture in my mind of what someone looks like, when I read their blog, if they have no pics. I guess it’s kind of like reading a book and seeing the characters in your head.

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