Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Archive for the tag “redneck sex”

My Baby Plays a Mean Meat Whistle

The "B" is silent.

The “B” is silent.

Bacon. Sex. Bacon. Sex. It’s kind of a toss-up. Seriously. That’s how much I love bacon. So I just came right out and asked him. “Would it bother you if I were to eat bacon while we were having sex?”

Now you might not be quite as enamored of the swine and bovine as I am, so that question might shock you. But to my warped mind, eating a pork product, or any other tasty meat treat while having sex makes perfect sense, and here are the reasons why:

1. In my neck of the woods, sex is sometimes referred to as “porkin'”. Example: “I was porkin’ this chick the other night. . .”

2. How many times have you heard of a man’s equipment being referred to in “meat” vernacular? For example:

Men can “beat their meat”, or “slap their salami”.
They can slip a woman the “hot beef injection”.
Hey baby, wanna ride the “bologney pony”?
Your wife or girlfriend’s favorite dinner? “Tube steak!”
“Pork sword”
“Weiner”. (Not to be confused with Anthony, whose weiner everyone has seen thanks to the internet.)

3. Let’s not forget that an erection is oft referred to as a “boner”. Meat often comes with bones in it. And as AC/DC says, I’m pretty sure “just givin’ the dog a bone” refers to putting your man meat in a chick’s mouth, but I could be wrong.

4. There’s also musical meat. Example: “Hey honey, why don’t you come over here and play a tune on my “meat whistle”. If you don’t know all the notes, you can just hum.”

4. Last but not least, meat terms you never want to be associated with your penis: vienna sausage, little smokie. When it comes to meat, the serving size does matter. Don’t let her bullshit you.

So you see, it all makes perfect sense now, doesn’t it?

Oh, and just in case you were interested? He told me it wouldn’t bother him a bit, just don’t forget to melt some cheese on it and dip it in mayo. I’m thinking he might be a keeper.

Post Navigation

Sparklebumps: The Mother Version

Still histrionic, still a bookwhore; just faking competence because of my kid.


i've choked on my words for far too long


It's not the length of life, but the depth.

My musings

This is my mind, it’s not supposed to make sense.

The Phil Factor

Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk and Lets Its Hair Down

Fighting the Myth

Shining the light of truth on delusion

The Haunted Librarian

Researching, investigating, and writing about the paranormal.


You either get it... or you don't.


Inky blackness, a yawning void ~

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa


Just my thoughts for all to behold

Ann Oblivion Blog

πŸƒ Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. πŸƒ

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Daniel Aegan

Writer, Tarot Reader, Designer

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

Even at Your Darkest

Seeking Beauty Beyond the Scars

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle


I blog now. I know, I can't believe it either.

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.