I Wanna Go Back
25 years. I graduated from high school 25 years ago. Yeah, I know I don’t look a day over 35, so that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I am 43 years old. I lived through 501’s and hair bands. . . god I really miss both of those things! I miss high school too, but only to a point. School was not easy for me. Don’t misunderstand–I’m not talking about not easy education-wise, I’m talking about not easy social-wise. I know school isn’t easy for most people social-wise, so I am certainly not the exception, but the thought of attending this upcoming 25 year reunion has got me thinking a lot about this.
A few months ago I was really excited to go, but now the closer it gets, the more I am feeling like I don’t want to go. I went to 15–it was pretty casual, just a picnic at the lake, and it was fun, but that’s probably because only one of the girls talked to me and I sat around and bullshitted with the guys. Basically just like high school–I preferred hanging out with the guys as opposed to the girls, and the girls still think I’m a bitch! lol When 20 rolled around I was lean and mean and had every outfit picked out and was ready to go! Only problem was I had had my hysterectomy about 10 days before it, and a root canal about 5 days before it, and I ended up with this really weird killer headache that sent me to the emergency room, so I didn’t even make it to the reunion but spent the weekend in the hospital instead. And even though my brother actually cooked for it, he said there were only a couple people that came up and asked him where I was. So, no one really missed me not being there, and I do believe everything happens for a reason.
Do I really want to go to 25? It’s not like anything has changed since 15. Well, my ex-best friend isn’t married to my ex-husband anymore, since now he’s divorced her too, so I guess that part has changed. But have I changed? Well, I am still single, which will still piss the girls in my class off, and I’m not as thing as I was when I missed 20. I am more successful, and probably make more money than a lot of the girls and maybe even more than some of the guys, and I own my own home.
My point is, what difference does it make? Why do I want to go back? So I can compare myself to all the other girls in my class? So I can feel fat, or lonely, or like an underachiever? So I can remind myself what a living hell high school actually was instead of this really fun pipe dream I’ve managed to create in my head when in reality I was getting drunk, having sex with guys I didn’t care about, getting pregnant and being ostracized by most everyone including parents? I think I want to go back as a big “fuck you”. You know, basically just to let them know that most of them don’t make a damn bit of difference. In the grand scheme of things what are most of those people? A fairly insignificant part of my life. I am in contact with the ones I care about, and most of the other ones I can find out what they’re doing thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook.
For now I guess the debate will rage on. I will probably hash and rehash it a million times before Memorial Day Weekend finally rolls around, but I will be sure and let you know what I decide. Enjoy the tune from the fabulous Eddie Money!
Fat Bottom Girl Said What 