That’s right, I’m not just thankful, I’m fucking thankful! All these people on my FB are doing the how ever many days of November thankful shit. You know, where you’re suppposed to post about something you’re thankful for every day? It’s all that kind of sappy shit you put on there to make people think you’re a great person. Well, maybe they are actually good people, and I’m just the screwed up one that thinks about sarcastic shit all the time. I decided I should try doing my own list of shit I’m thankful for, so here goes.
1. Expletives – I fucking love to cuss. I used to try to curb my cussing, but thankfully, I have had a job the last 5 1/2 years where I cannot only cuss, but it’s almost encouraged! Can you get any better than that?
2. Job – yes, I’m thankful for my job, because I can go there and cuss, and, I happen to work with a bunch of funny motherfuckers. I think I get extra thankful points for working in the word motherfuckers.
3. Family – I am almost certain this should have been #1, but really, this isn’t a ranking, it’s just a list, and my family is damn important to me. Where else can I go where they know me and still love me? Plus, some of my family members happen to be funny motherfuckers too. Once again, worked in the MFer word!
4. Friends – mostly likely, if you’re not a funny motherfucker, you’re not my friend. And while I firmly believe true humor requires intelligence, you’re probably a smart motherfucker too. Lucky me, I have funny, smart motherfuckers for friends!
5. House – yes, the damn thing isn’t falling down, and it’s in pretty decent shape after the blood, sweat, tears, and expletives, I’ve put into it. Some days I do wonder what possessed me to buy a house, and then I remember–because I get to paint the walls any damn color I want to!! May not seem like an important thing to you, but it means a lot to me.
6. Car – I need it get to the fucking job, and to take care of my kid, and to get to the liquor store. Wait, scratch that last one, because I just happened to buy a house that has a liquor store within walking distance. Sometimes I’m smarter than I think!
7. Bloggers – Thankfully, there are hundreds of you out there, and I can go read posts from other people and figure out there’s people more fucked up than me, and on the down side, funnier than me too. Fuck you people that are funnier than me! And actually, fuck you people that are more fucked up than me too! Can’t I ever be the best at something???
Fuck you and Happy Thanksgiving! Be a little fucking grateful, why don’t ya?