Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Fucking Thankful

That’s right, I’m not just thankful, I’m fucking thankful!  All these people on my FB are doing the how ever many days of November thankful shit.  You know, where you’re suppposed to post about something you’re thankful for every day?  It’s all that kind of sappy shit you put on there to make people think you’re a great person.  Well, maybe they are actually good people, and I’m just the screwed up one that thinks about sarcastic shit all the time.  I decided I should try doing my own list of shit I’m thankful for, so here goes.

1.  Expletives – I fucking love to cuss.  I used to try to curb my cussing, but thankfully, I have had a job the last 5 1/2 years where I cannot only cuss, but it’s almost encouraged!  Can you get any better than that?

2.  Job – yes, I’m thankful for my job, because I can go there and cuss, and, I happen to work with a bunch of funny motherfuckers.  I think I get extra thankful points for working in the word motherfuckers.

3. Family – I am almost certain this should have been #1, but really, this isn’t a ranking, it’s just a list, and my family is damn important to me.  Where else can I go where they know me and still love me?  Plus, some of my family members happen to be funny motherfuckers too.  Once again, worked in the MFer word!

4.  Friends – mostly likely, if you’re not a funny motherfucker, you’re not my friend.  And while I firmly believe true humor requires intelligence, you’re probably a smart motherfucker too.  Lucky me, I have funny, smart motherfuckers for friends!

5.  House – yes, the damn thing isn’t falling down, and it’s in pretty decent shape after the blood, sweat, tears, and expletives, I’ve put into it.  Some days I do wonder what possessed me to buy a house, and then I remember–because I get to paint the walls any damn color I want to!!  May not seem like an important thing to you, but it means a lot to me.

6.  Car – I need it get to the fucking job, and to take care of my kid, and to get to the liquor store.  Wait, scratch that last one, because I just happened to buy a house that has a liquor store within walking distance.  Sometimes I’m smarter than I think!

7.  Bloggers – Thankfully, there are hundreds of you out there, and I can go read posts from other people and figure out there’s people more fucked up than me, and on the down side, funnier than me too.  Fuck you people that are funnier than me!  And actually, fuck you people that are more fucked up than me too!  Can’t I ever be the best at something???

Fuck you and Happy Thanksgiving!  Be a little fucking grateful, why don’t ya?

 

 

 

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

8 thoughts on “Fucking Thankful

  1. meets or exceeds the fucking funny hurdle

  2. So awesome! This sounds like George Carlin at the climax of one of his later skits. You’re a funny ass motherfucker —

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Caffeinated Cyclist

i apologize in advance

Dirty, Naked & Happy

the erratic journals of a happily incorrigible lady-child

Playing for Time

"How did it get so late so soon?" ~Dr. Seuss

The Things I learnt

Happy Vibes ❤

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

My business is generally pleasurable.

The blogging home of Ella Dawson

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa

SAINTSWEST

Just my thoughts for all to behold

Book Snob

FOR DISCERNING READERS

An Obvious Oblivion Blog

🍃 Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. 🍃

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Lou Times Two

top knot wearin' mama to twin girls

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Tangled Up In Music

Music Reviews (and other things)

Yeah, Another Blogger

An Arts-Filled And Tasty Jaunt Through Life

Budgie Bigelow's Blog

Finely crafted short fiction & stories

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle

Buffalo Tom Peabody's blog 2

The 9 Lives of Buffalo Tom Peabody, Gunther Tootie, Ignatius “IGGY” Rattlebottom-Bunn, Larry "Bubba" Flowers & Doodlesack. NO AWARDS. please.

knowingkimberly

I blog now. I know, I can't believe it either.

Part-Time Monster

I eat books for breakfast.

The Reluctant Cat Owner's Journal

Gay humor writer writing about cats, cat care, life, and the adventures of being gay.

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

Stop Me If I Told You This...

MUSINGS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC STORYTELLER

BOURGEOIS ALIEN

SATIRE, TWITTER, DRIVEL

%d bloggers like this: