Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.


I’m sure you know that person.

All of us know at least one.

You know, that person that always has to one-up you, regardless of what the topic of discussion is.

One of my co-workers, whom I have befittingly deemed Hypochondria, does this with health issues. She constantly has something or other wrong with her, and how dare anyone else be sicker than she is.

Yesterday I was down in the back.

Well, more down in the back than usual. I’ve had neck and back issues for years, and am at the point now where I don’t recall what a day free of back or neck pain is like, but I try not to complain about it, because what’s the point?  It’s a constant, and it’s most likely never going away.

Anyway, yesterday was worse than most, as the pain had kept me awake for a couple of hours during the night, and I made the mistake of telling her I was going to leave early to go to the chiropractor to see if that would help.

And that’s when it started.

“Oh, I know, I have a pain here, and it shoots down my leg, and I’m going to have to go to the doctor too, and it’s probably a UTI and a yeast infection, and my neck is all messed up and I should probably ask the doctor about that too, plus I need to go get a massage again, because chiropractic never helps me, and my ADD and my nose and my . . . . .”

For fuck’s sake.

I bit my tongue, willed myself to hold back the “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” that I wanted to scream.

Say instead, “Yeah, maybe you better go get that checked”, as she hit the speed dial button for her doctor’s office.

Seriously, what would she do if she ever had an actual medical condition?  You know, one that rivaled all the made up ones she has?

Oh sorry, gotta run, she has another list of her white girl problems to tell me about.





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6 thoughts on “Maladies

  1. I am so sorry for your pain, especially the chronic crap, I can commiserate and yes, it is a bitch to live with… still, you still made me laugh with that last line… I hope you’re having a better day.

  2. I may be becoming this person, Ugh

  3. I know someone like that too. They are completely oblivious to what the people around them go through – a complete lack of awareness of others and compassion. Sorry to hear about your pain, that’s horrible.

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