Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

The Fat Bottom Bard

Recently I decided to shake some shit up. No, not a martini. My blogging. But now I’m really thirsty for some reason.

I was getting very frustrated about my blogging stats. I’m not a stat whore or anything, but my views have really dropped. Like dropped down to where they were when I first started blogging. Like low. Like practically non-existent.

So I talked to My Man about it. My Man is a blogger too, has some pretty impressive stats, and I’m not just talking about in his pants. Seriously, he’s working on being uber famous and some day we’re going to have a beach house and a maid and a huge bathtub because of it.

The conversation went a little something like this:

FBG: My stats suck. Like not suck in a good way (blow job reference), but in a bad way.

MM: Sweet Cheeks, don’t take this the wrong way, but honestly, your blog is a clusterfuck. You’ve got shit about blow jobs and sex toys and funny shit mixed in with sappy shit. I think it just confuses the shit out of people.

FBG: But Stud Muffin, I’m confusing as shit. It’s an accurate representation of me.

MM: That’s for damn sure my Cock Sucking Angel, but unlike me, most people don’t want their minds blown by your eclecticness on a regular basis. Your funny shit is funny, and your sappy shit is good, but it just doesn’t work all in one place.

FBG: My Amazing Meat Pony, I think you’re right. I hate to admit it, because you’re right about a lot of things, but I really think you’re right about my clusterfuck blog.

Okay, so maybe the conversation didn’t go EXACTLY like that, but you get the drift right?

The result of that, after some contemplation and heel dragging, is The Fat Bottom Bard. No longer shall my Fat Bottom Girl followers have to suffer from me waxing poetic when they only come here looking for a good dick story!

And no longer will those who might enjoy only my poetry and prose have to suffer my filthy sailor mouth. Well shit, no promises on that actually, because I know some of my poetry will have a lot of fucking cussing in it.

Either way, follow one, follow both, follow none. I must follow my muse wherever he takes me, and usually it’s straight into the dregs of hell, so buckle up boys and girls, it’s always a bumpy ride when a Fat Bottom Girl is driving.

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27 thoughts on “The Fat Bottom Bard

  1. rougedmount on said:

    this resonates with me as my blog is an ADHD Blog as well. Far too much on far too many topics.

  2. LOVE this, my FBG. You are so cute. I love the smorgasbord that is your blog. One can never be bored here. I’m happily following your new blog as well. But, to be honest, I’d follow you into hell, sis.

    Anyway, my stats have died, too. And, I get why it bothers you; it bugs me, too. It’s just part of the natural eb and flow of being a blog parent, I guess. Hang in there. Keep your adorbs chin up and keep telling us what you think, no matter how eclectic the subject matter.

    Hugs and kisses to you and your man-meat! Love, BigLizzy

    • That’s so sweet Liz!! And if you do joint my “descending parade”, you can bet your fat bottom that it’s going to be a hell of a trip, complete with dick jokes, beer, tasty food, and urine-inducing laughter!!

      I need to buy that damn motorcycle soon, because we truly need to hit the highway.

      So glad you followed!! And thanks for the words of inspiration!

      Love you!!

      • My FBG!! Can’t wait for your next posts. Everyone needs more penis humor! I also can’t wait for you to get a bike and get your fat bottom over here for some delicious riding, my sister. πŸ™‚ What a joyous day that will be, babe! Love you, honey.

      • Damn straight! πŸ™‚

  3. If it makes you feel any better, my stats are sucking too right now. It could be summer. A lot of people take a break. Do what feels right. You crack me up. I’ll follow you no matter what!

    • Awww, thanks Amy! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one whose numbers are in the shitter. lol

      My problem is that I forgot why I started blogging. I did it for me. Sure, I love having followers, and it’s especially nice when I have ones like you, and my other crazy regulars, but I originally did it just to get my craziness on paper. Problem is, somewhere along the way I wanted to be a real writer, and started writing for the audience.

      I think my new blog is maybe a way to get back to just penning the insanity. I’m going through a shit storm right now, and my head is a fucking tornado, so all the debris will likely end up on the new blog in the form of a poem.

      Glad you’ve decided to come along for the ride!!! Love you!!

      Where’s my fucking homemade ice cream??

  4. Marjet segmenttion is a wonderful Marketing tool, then later you can have a strategic buy out of the Bard subject to FTC approval. Or be like me and deny the accuracy of WordPress stats.

  5. When I first followed you I saw you as a “personal blog” or as I like to call it an “anything goes” blog.
    I’ve followed your bardic blog, and am smiling here. Only you could look at your stats and think “I’ll give up” and ten minutes later (might be an exaggeration) think “I’ll start a second blog”.

  6. I haven’t been on here in a while. I spend hours catching up with my own blog and trying to read yours and a few others. I think summertime is a busy time.

    • It’s very busy, but I don’t think I can blame it all on summertime. I think there’s probably a certain ebb and flow to blogging, mine just seems mostly ebb! lol

      Honestly, I’m just currently on a journey of self-discovery. Trying to figure out who I am. Or possibly, maybe I’m just trying to figure out how to be a better me.


  7. I OBJECT! I find your blog to be disturbingly similar to mine, and I find no fault in a good clusterfuck. Boo on your man. Just boo.

    • lol . . . In all fairness, I asked his opinion, and I think he’s quite accurate, that when it comes to getting bigger numbers, that you kind of need to pick a theme and stick with it. He’s very successful, so I wanted to know what he thought.

      However, I am a total clusterfuck, and he loves me, so I guess that means he enjoys the clusterfuck. lol Or quite possibly, it’s merely my fat bottom he loves. πŸ˜‰

      Either way, I love your clusterfuck blog, because I can relate! Thanks for the follow on my new venture!

    • And also, I called it a clusterfuck, not him. Most of that conversation was ad-libbed by yours truly. Lol

  8. Well, my stats aren’t starting to suck — they’ve never reached non-suckage. πŸ˜‰ But I still write about whatever comes to my distracted mind, and I know no other way, so I get the confusion part. I will have to go follow the Bard, as well.
    I see I’ve been gone too long and I have some catching up to do!

    And…”Amazing Meat Pony” — you do have a way with words, don’tcha? πŸ˜‰

    • And thankfully My Man has an excellent sense of humor, which matches my own, and doesn’t mind the moniker! lol

      I’ve been so bad about reading lately. Truth is, I usually read at work and have just been buried under piles of paperwork. So, I’ve actually had to work while at work. Go figure!

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! I will be moving all my fiction to the new blog soon, so there will be a bunch of re-posts for any of my regular readers.

      • Working at work — I hate it when that happens!
        Yes, I agree — I’ve always said that I married the Mister for his sense of humor, and our marriage proves he can take a joke! Seriously, though, it’s good to have a man who can laugh at himself, laugh at the world, and make life a little smoother with a well-placed bit of humor.

      • No truer words were ever spoken! It’s been laughter that’s gotten me through some of my toughest times, and his sense of humor is what originally attracted me to him. As luck would have it, he’s drop dead sexy too. πŸ˜‰

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