Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Round and Round and Round It Goes. . . .

Things I have been thinking about, or rather, obsessing about, lately:

–Do things happen for a reason?
–Is there such a thing as synchronicity/serendipity?
–When was the last time a man told me he loved, and really meant it?
–Where is my “big love”?
–What is my purpose here?
–How do I get happy?
–How do I begin to live with no excuses and no regrets?
–Why does the universe bring me something I have been asking for, and then keep it at an arm’s length?
–Is love at first meeting possible?
–Where do I go from here?
–Why do I forgive people so easily?
–Or is it forgiveness, or do I make excuses for them and their behavior?

I have been trying so hard to get out of my head, because all of the thinking is driving me crazy. And with the thinking comes the feeling, and the feeling all of it is nearly destroying me. I have always been one to feel things too deeply, and I often wish I didn’t. I just want to get to the other side of this current chasm I am experiencing. Problem is, I’m just not sure how to climb out of it.

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17 thoughts on “Round and Round and Round It Goes. . . .

  1. FatBottom-Sister, What can I do to help you, honey? Is there something I can do to ease your burden? Please reach out to me. Let’s talk. E-mail me. I want to help. I love you.

  2. Do things happen for a reason?
    No, it’s just an excuse to help us feel better, like shit isn’t shit and may turn into flowers one day. Shit is shit. Plant flowers to get flowers.

    Is there such a thing as synchronicity/serendipity?
    Is this like coincidence? If no, then no. (I’m really helping here, aren’t I?) Serendipity, though, I do think so. Sometimes accidents can be happy. I accidentally turned left this morning instead of right. Which way I go to get to work depends on what time I leave, and I autopiloteted the way I wouldn’t usually go at the time I left but I avoided a major traffic jam, and that made me happy.

    Where is my β€œbig love”? – inside you my dear, inside you. You are your big love, and someday I hope you can feel this and embrace yourself.

    How do I get happy?
    Gardening might help. I suggest not using chemical weed killer so weeds grow because it is mighty relieving to rip those fuckers out by the roots and throw them on the ground. Jumping up and down on them and screaming helps too, though the neighbors might be concerned for your sanity.

    How do I begin to live with no excuses and no regrets?
    Evaluate your excuses and question if they are real. I didn’t go out saturday because I needed to clean house. That was an excuse to keep myself from pushing myself to explore new places and meet new people. Truth be told, the dirt would still be there sunday and I could very well have cleaned sunday, or even monday. As far as no regrets? I’ve heard copious amounts of alcohol helps to minimize memories that lead to regret.

    • Currently I am working on:

      1. Testing your theory on copious amounts of alcohol, although I have discovered that it sometimes it adds to the regrets, thereby reducing the number of regretful memories it minimizes. . . .damn Catch-22!!
      2. Gardening. . . .I do love me some digging in the dirt!! It is currently paying off in tomatoes!! And boy, are they tasty. πŸ™‚ Getting ready to get my fall decorations up. . .pumpkins, mums, often milo and corn stalks around my lamp post, too. I got lucky this year and had a “volunteer” blue moon pumpkin, which pleases me.
      3. If things don’t happen for a reason, then what the fuck am I doing here?? How can you have some sort of a divine (not meaning godly) purpose, without some sort of order to the chaos? If not, it would seem we are all just wandering around for nothing. And if so, why I am I still wasting time carting this body around??
      4. Reasons for happenings kind of segues into the synchronicity question. . . .do we see—-if we are looking, or are aware—synchronicities to tell us we are on the correct path? I just tend to believe there is some sort of “method to the madness”. Don’t believe in god, don’t believe in any divine being, but I there are natural rhythms and patterns to everything, so that would make me tend to kind of believe in the butterfly effect.
      5. Self-love is great, but it can only get you so far. And then we come back to our purpose here. . . .if not for love, then what??

      See?? Questions lead to more questions, and this is how my fucked up, crazy mind works!! Every night I am amazed I can still get 5 or 6 hours of sleep.

    • Oh, and BTW. . . .get your ass out of the house and to a bar/club and hit the dance floor!!! NO EXCUSES!! Time to get yourself back out there again!! πŸ™‚ If you were here in Kansas we would totally be at the bar this weekend!!

      • Ugh. No. Not going to happen – not the hitting a bar with you. If I’m ever in Kansas near you, we should totally hit the scene, but going out to a club or bar by myself just isn’t going to happen.

      • I go out by myself all the time. I don’t have any single friends anymore, and I have no desire to sit at home all the time. Of course I am the type that doesn’t give a second thought to walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation. I also have the sort of persona that strangers always feel this need to tell me things about themselves. . . .sometimes more than I want to know!! hahaha

  3. I’d love to send you some Reiki to help you find your answers and your peace. I also suggest exercise to get you into your body and out of your head for a little while.

    Reiki is a Japanese technique for releasing stress.

  4. Gotta work for serendipity, but it beat fatalism any day.

  5. radaronelson on said:

    Hey sorry I’ve been out of it the past 6 months but I’m back and I hope you find the answers your looking for. I look forward to your posts.

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