Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Because of all who came before you. . . .

You’re grown. . .you can do this. . .he is going to show up. . .why do you think he’s going to show up?. . . some of the other guys didn’t show up. . .always let you down. . .you can’t count on a man to do what he says can you?. . .but he’s not those guys. . . you have to give him a fair chance. . .what’s fair? nothing in life is fair is it?. . .fair, as in, he said he is coming, so believe that he’s coming. . . do I have to believe in him?. . .isn’t that like having an expectation. . .shouldn’t have expectations. . .no expectations. . .really? I need to be able to expect him to show up, shouldn’t I?. . .I think that would be the bare minimum for expectations. . .yes, just have a little drink, just to calm your anxiety. . .if I still smoked I would be chain smoking. . .I need to change my perspective on this. . . how to do that. . .he would be foolish if he doesn’t show up because I am awesome. . .so I’m not the most beautiful woman, or the smartest, and I don’t have the perfect body. . .but fuck you, I look good for 44, and I am attractive, and guys check me out. . .and I am smart, I am well-read, and I know lots of shit. . .and I’m talented, and I’m interested in a lot of different things, and I have a karaoke machine and I can cook, so really what more would you want??. . . and thank the hell, the boy has some manners and just texted to say he is on his way so I can relax a little. . .

*This is the kind of tornado that runs through my head because of the experiences I have been through with men. My self-esteem is shit. I can act like I am all that and a bag of chips, I can pretend I fucking rock and that I’m great, and make everyone, even some of my best friends believe it, but I’m not. I have absolutely no idea why a guy would want to take the time to come see me, or date me. I truly believe I am the “fuckable, but not dateable girl”. God, I have to stop that fucked up thinking!!


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29 thoughts on “Because of all who came before you. . . .

  1. All that crap in your head was put there by abusive men – it’s not YOUR inner voice. Turn down the volume on the nay-saying voices and listen to the little one in the background – she’s the Real You πŸ™‚

  2. There is nothing wrong with “fuckable” as long as it is on your terms. I think perhaps this was not always the case. As for not dateable, I find you so warm, interesting and as we say here great “craic”. You just need to know your true worth and stop selling yourself short!

    • I am still trying to figure out how to stop those old tapes that run through my head. It turned out to be a very nice night, and I received many compliments from him, which has been a rarity among the last few boyfriends.

  3. Give yourself a break and really listen what the people above have said. It’s all true. Don’t pull yourself down. Rise above this crap. You are fuckable, you are dateable and you are lovable. Don’t you dare listen to anything else..

    • Thanks honey! I am such a lucky girl to have so many awesome supporters on here, that I must be doing something right!! The universe has smiled upon me by giving me this blogging family. πŸ™‚ And, yes, it seems I might even be dateable. lol

  4. Oh if only we had better control over all the ridiculous thought we allow in to our heads. I am currently dating at the moment too and it’s driving me insane. I seriously worry for my mental health after this.

    Bonus points for the karaoke machine for certain!

    Good luck πŸ™‚

    • I am a terrible dater!! Which is why I usually don’t do it!! lol I hate what it does to me, so I end up withdrawing and trying to tell myself I will be fine if I never find someone. That only works for so long though, because I really do want to have that great relationship.

      Talk about bonus. . . .this guy wants to try out my karaoke machine!! πŸ˜‰

  5. Melanie on said:

    As I was in the midst of a self-depreciating marathon last night, the receiver of my harsh words against myself told me, “Believe in yourself. You’re worth it.” We would all do well to listen to that little gem.

    • Like I have posted before, we would never, ever, talk to anyone we loved the way we feel free to speak to ourselves!! I am still trying to figure out why so much of my self-esteem is wrapped up in whether a man loves me or not. I have a lot of love in my life, even if a man doesn’t love me, so I should be grateful. Easier said than done though.

  6. I feel ya on this. The past relationships have brought my self-esteem to zero, so sometimes I go through the same stuff you wrote! But letting the past losers make me feel like a zero is letting them win. I try to remind myself of that as often as possible. I won when I walked away from them and I will continue winning by realizing it was their loss in not trying (at all) to keep me in their life. You’re a winner, and if a guy isn’t going to see how wonderful you are, then he doesn’t deserve you πŸ™‚

  7. our lastsentence is where it all starts.

  8. To a certain extent, everyone has a thought process like that. It’s natural. But that means everyone. And since everyone is worrying about what other people think, particularly in a first date situation, every so often in your train of thought you should try to throw in what HE’S worried about/obsessing over. There’s bound to be something.

    Then you can relax and enjoy yourself.

    Disclaimer: I haven’t dated in 18 years.

    But this is true in all sorts of situations, not just relationships. Just today, I saw a coworker who everyone likes and respects and who had just won some type of employee of the quarter award 15 minutes earlier get up and shake while he gave a presentation. What reason did he have to be nervous? Because public speaking is unnerving. For everyone.

  9. We are the same, you and me.

  10. Time for a Xtina intervention.

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