Because of all who came before you. . . .
You’re grown. . .you can do this. . .he is going to show up. . .why do you think he’s going to show up?. . . some of the other guys didn’t show up. . .always let you down. . .you can’t count on a man to do what he says can you?. . .but he’s not those guys. . . you have to give him a fair chance. . .what’s fair? nothing in life is fair is it?. . .fair, as in, he said he is coming, so believe that he’s coming. . . do I have to believe in him?. . .isn’t that like having an expectation. . .shouldn’t have expectations. . .no expectations. . .really? I need to be able to expect him to show up, shouldn’t I?. . .I think that would be the bare minimum for expectations. . .yes, just have a little drink, just to calm your anxiety. . .if I still smoked I would be chain smoking. . .I need to change my perspective on this. . . how to do that. . .he would be foolish if he doesn’t show up because I am awesome. . .so I’m not the most beautiful woman, or the smartest, and I don’t have the perfect body. . .but fuck you, I look good for 44, and I am attractive, and guys check me out. . .and I am smart, I am well-read, and I know lots of shit. . .and I’m talented, and I’m interested in a lot of different things, and I have a karaoke machine and I can cook, so really what more would you want??. . . and thank the hell, the boy has some manners and just texted to say he is on his way so I can relax a little. . .
*This is the kind of tornado that runs through my head because of the experiences I have been through with men. My self-esteem is shit. I can act like I am all that and a bag of chips, I can pretend I fucking rock and that I’m great, and make everyone, even some of my best friends believe it, but I’m not. I have absolutely no idea why a guy would want to take the time to come see me, or date me. I truly believe I am the “fuckable, but not dateable girl”. God, I have to stop that fucked up thinking!!
Fat Bottom Girl Said What 
All that crap in your head was put there by abusive men – it’s not YOUR inner voice. Turn down the volume on the nay-saying voices and listen to the little one in the background – she’s the Real You 🙂
Sooo hard to do!! Still trying to figure out how to get past all that crap running around in there!
Pink. Listen to Pink. “Fucking Perfect” and “Raise Your Glass” are a good place to start 🙂
I did go listen to “Fucking Perfect”, right after you said this! 🙂
Did it help? We are all Perfect in our own way and if we can just accept that fact and go out and be Fabulous, think of what we could do to change the world!
The video was kind of sad, but I do love the song. I also love “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks, because I think it’s kind of an anthem for women—we wear so many hats, play so many roles, and it reminds us that if a man can’t accept all those sides of us, then we should just let them keep walking.
There is nothing wrong with “fuckable” as long as it is on your terms. I think perhaps this was not always the case. As for not dateable, I find you so warm, interesting and as we say here great “craic”. You just need to know your true worth and stop selling yourself short!
I am still trying to figure out how to stop those old tapes that run through my head. It turned out to be a very nice night, and I received many compliments from him, which has been a rarity among the last few boyfriends.
Give yourself a break and really listen what the people above have said. It’s all true. Don’t pull yourself down. Rise above this crap. You are fuckable, you are dateable and you are lovable. Don’t you dare listen to anything else..
Thanks honey! I am such a lucky girl to have so many awesome supporters on here, that I must be doing something right!! The universe has smiled upon me by giving me this blogging family. 🙂 And, yes, it seems I might even be dateable. lol
Oh if only we had better control over all the ridiculous thought we allow in to our heads. I am currently dating at the moment too and it’s driving me insane. I seriously worry for my mental health after this.
Bonus points for the karaoke machine for certain!
Good luck 🙂
I am a terrible dater!! Which is why I usually don’t do it!! lol I hate what it does to me, so I end up withdrawing and trying to tell myself I will be fine if I never find someone. That only works for so long though, because I really do want to have that great relationship.
Talk about bonus. . . .this guy wants to try out my karaoke machine!! 😉
As I was in the midst of a self-depreciating marathon last night, the receiver of my harsh words against myself told me, “Believe in yourself. You’re worth it.” We would all do well to listen to that little gem.
Like I have posted before, we would never, ever, talk to anyone we loved the way we feel free to speak to ourselves!! I am still trying to figure out why so much of my self-esteem is wrapped up in whether a man loves me or not. I have a lot of love in my life, even if a man doesn’t love me, so I should be grateful. Easier said than done though.
You’re right. We would never ever speak that way to a loved one, other than ourselves.
I feel ya on this. The past relationships have brought my self-esteem to zero, so sometimes I go through the same stuff you wrote! But letting the past losers make me feel like a zero is letting them win. I try to remind myself of that as often as possible. I won when I walked away from them and I will continue winning by realizing it was their loss in not trying (at all) to keep me in their life. You’re a winner, and if a guy isn’t going to see how wonderful you are, then he doesn’t deserve you 🙂
That’s a good way to think about it—walking away a winner!! Maybe our mantra to ourselves should be “Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!!” 🙂
Definitely!!! I like it 🙂
our lastsentence is where it all starts.
Always trying to stop it, Tom. 🙂
To a certain extent, everyone has a thought process like that. It’s natural. But that means everyone. And since everyone is worrying about what other people think, particularly in a first date situation, every so often in your train of thought you should try to throw in what HE’S worried about/obsessing over. There’s bound to be something.
Then you can relax and enjoy yourself.
Disclaimer: I haven’t dated in 18 years.
But this is true in all sorts of situations, not just relationships. Just today, I saw a coworker who everyone likes and respects and who had just won some type of employee of the quarter award 15 minutes earlier get up and shake while he gave a presentation. What reason did he have to be nervous? Because public speaking is unnerving. For everyone.
I would like to think a guy gets nervous when going into a first date situation, but I often think men approach things differently than women, so I’m never sure. I did have an excellent time though, and he seemed to also!
The guy gets more nervous before asking the woman out
As much as past relationships have messed up my head, I try to remember that I can’t put that kind of crap on a new guy. I have to remember each guy is an individual, and they deserve a fresh page. If they screw it up it’s on them.
Totally agree.
We are the same, you and me.
I call those thoughts “The Flying Monkeys”. I did a poetry post on this a few months ago. Did you see it?
Time for a Xtina intervention.
❤ that song!!