Hook, Line and Sinker–Take the bait bitch!
“Can you send my mail to such and such address in BFE, Kansas, please”. . . .this is the text I get from him this morning
“Oh, you moved home? What did you tell your parents?”. . . .yes, me playing dumb about him moving back down home, but knowing that the address he’s given me is his parents’
“the turth(sic)”. . ..he can’t spell for shit, when he texts “ain’t”, he spells it “ate”, but of course I wonder whose version of the truth would that be?? He has is own special brand of the truth, which doesn’t seem to come even a close to being accurate
“So you came clean about losing your job in April?”. . . .knowing he most likely hasn’t, because that would be a baby step towards wellness by getting rid of one secret, and he is buried under so many secrets I don’t know how he would ever dig himself out even if he could find a shovel
. . . no response from him, and I can’t resist, because remember, I am “the woman who doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up”, so I text him the following, knowing I won’t get any response from him, but that it will make ME feel better
“I realize you feel as though you owe me nothing, but a simple word of appreciation about allowing you to live in my home for 2 months rent free, plus me buying all food and beer, would’ve been nice. It would also be nice if at some point you could pay me the money you owe me for what I paid on the storage shed, the socks & underwear I bought you, & what it cost me to file your taxes for you.”
. . . .paused for about 40 minutes, then added the following
“You know at some point it would be nice if you would get some help & sober up so you could be around for your son. He worships you already & it would be great if you were actually the person he thinks you are. I wish I could have seen him ride the bike I got for him.”
I don’t think he even noticed that I never told him whether I would, or wouldn’t be sending his mail, but I am thinking that wasn’t even the point of the text message anyway. After all, he only gets bills, and it’s not like he is going to pay them. Plus, he could go to the post office and do a change of address if he was really worried about getting the mail. Him asking me to do it is a real crap shoot, because I’m not sure I really feel like doing it. My original point being though, that I think his purpose in texting me this morning was to dangle bait. He was fishing, trying to see if I would respond, and letting me know where he was at the same time. Nibble, nibble, I’m a fucking fish. He is an attention whore, and likes to keep numerous women on the string, just in case he gets lonely and needs a little ego stroke. It’s an abuser thing. And I know this, because I have been in this fucking pond before, but nibble, nibble, I am a fucking fish and I took the bait. . . .He wants to make sure he gets his mail, but he’s not concerned about all his tools and his tool box, which are still sitting in my garage??
I don’t know. Maybe I’m all wrong. Maybe he really doesn’t give two shits about the tools which help him to earn a living, and he’s more concerned about getting his bills and copies of Men’s Health which he can’t even pay for. And fuck forwarding those copies of Men’s Health, they’ve got some tasty smelling cologne inserts in those things, he ate (ain’t) ever getting them!!
**Be sure to chime in and let me know if I am thinking correctly about this, or if I’m just truly fucked up in the head.
Ha! I would submit the change of address form with 1 or 2 digits off. Out of your mail box and lost in space somewhere. He can’t prove it was intentional… JusSayin
I did his change of address for him when he moved in with me, but also told him he should inform his insurance company, etc, of his new address. He never did. I’m not going to be responsible for this one, and won’t spend my own money forwarding his mail to him. I might do him the favor of a good Elvis tune. . . .”Return to sender, address unknown”. . . but write his forwarding address on there so the bill collectors know where to find him!! 😉
Well you did ask!.New phone. New number. Fresh start. If not I think you should delete, delete, delete. Treat any text from him as a virus and do not open it. You are still engaging in conversation and “needing” an apology of sorts. He is not worth it. Whatever you had with him was not what you thought it was. You need to parcel him up and put him away forever and concentrate on looking at the fabulous you in the mirror. Of course these are only my thoughts and I have not been in your situation. If I had been I truly do not know if I would even be as strong as you are.
Wouldn’t it be nice to get an apology?? lol I know it will never happen, and it’s like talking to the wind when I text him, and on top of that, I seem to be inviting his rage, like I somehow deserve it. It is a self-punishment of sorts. The only reason I need to have any communication with him is because he still has the tool box at my house. I know I shouldn’t respond to anything unless he is making arrangements to come get the tool box. I asked, and I received!! lol I do appreciate the feedback! 🙂
If I were your friend over there I would take that tool box to my place and inform him that he would be “welcome” to come and get it ( if he dared). 🙂 I really am not condemning you. It is a long road you have to travel one day at a time. You are doing great. Picking up pieces is never easy.
Thanks Tric! Maybe I should send him to my brother’s to pick it up!! hahaha
Now you’re talking!
^this. A thousand times, this.
You got this one sussed out, in my opinion. It was just a bit of bait to test the waters. He is a grown man, he should be able to sort out his own affairs without bothering you. Might be worth the hassle to change your number…just to be rid of his texts.
I felt like that’s what he was doing. He isn’t very responsible though, and always wants other people to clean up his messes. I just won’t do it anymore. And, if need be, I can always block his number. 😉
Gone even without an apology beats the alternatives.
Just block this bum’s number… should be able to do it on your carrier’s website. He can text all he wants…you’ll never know and he’ll never get a response. They say men don’t listen to words, they listen to silence. I’d give him some.
I know I should, it’s the actual doing it, that’s the hard part.
I get a little stronger every day though, and hope to be able to be tough enough to do it soon.
Personally I’m with Cordelia ….and that dayum gun of hers.
I have been in your shoes. Kinda still am. I know how you feel. And that bastard does not deserve your attention. And you are ABSOLUTLEY right calling HIM the attention whore. It’s all ego. Pet me. Pet me. For Pete’s sake. He needs to get a FKN life. Maturity started years ago honey.
Don’t take the bait don’t take the bait. As hard as it is, block him from all sources. It’s the only way out. You have to do it for you.
Make life ABOUT YOU NOW. You deserve it.
If your gut instinct tells you something is wrong, you better always listen. Your gut knows no boundaries. And it’s always right. Every single damn time. It will never lead you wrong.
I’ve always remembered my grandmothers fond words, “when in doubt, don’t.”
And lastly, his shit is his problem. Period. End of discussion.
Don’t you need to have a burn party? Hell. I’ll come. Phst…what tools…
hahaha. . . .soon the tools will be sold to try to recoup some of the money I spent “keeping him in the manner he was accustomed to”!! I am irritated with him because he had plenty of time to get his tools, yet chose to spend his time drinking instead. Sadly, the tools won’t burn, but might be worth some cha-ching!!
How do I make life about me? I think I’ve totally forgotten how. 😦
The minute you start blocking him you will start feeling an overwhelm of power. Take back the power girl! But you have to start somewhere. Sometime. Somehow. Someway. And lastly…someday. Break out of the pity cycle and just do it. Pity is where he wants you.
You are not pitiful.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You are not bait. He wants you to feel shitty.
The sooner you feel YOU and man up so to speak, the quicker you will feel better. My friend literally burned her ex’s things. In the front yard. In a pile. Yeah. And she isn’t that kind of gal.
But he is controlling you. Don’t let him. For then, you are still bait. Unhook yourself now. As for your heart, it will heal. I promise you. Time heals wounds. Block his ass!
Scary. . . I am baby-stepping it right now! lol
Explain to me why.
I do know he totally wants me to feel sorry for him, because he lives his life as a victim and doesn’t want to take responsibility for himself. I have to stop being sucked into his pity party!
YOU are pitying yourself.
Get away from the pity. Your dumbass and my dumbass sound like the same man. Ego bastards. When you take that step into blocking him…you will feel power. He not returning your texts is a coward first. And WTF anyway…why a duckin TEXT? Can they not CALL? WTF? I never understood that. Texts never convey the right messages. Call. Pick up the damn phone and let me hear your voice. That alone is cowardly.
Show your woman strength. Maybe not today. But muster it up. You can do this.
I have decided I will hold onto the tool box for another week or so. If he still hasn’t made arrangements to pick it up, I will start selling shit out of it.
By the way, I hate text msgs too. I am a phone talker!!
My girl is finding her strength.
My email is on my blog. Feel free anytime. Day or nite. ❤
Hey. We got to stick together. Right?
You can do it Shugg! I have faith in you. Look in that mirror and see yourself as the beauty you truly are!
Lifting YOU up is not scary. It’s the most precious thing you could ever do for yourself. ❤🙏
Thanks Lisa!! 🙂
I was reading your header under your name…..
Re read that sweetie.
YOU wrote that… ❤
Yes, I need to get my fat bottom girl attitude back!! Soon!
If I lived close, I would come get you.
And not to paint. Sorry.
🙂 And you’re right, we do have to stick together!!
I know, I know, I know, not replying is THE hardest things to do! Oh and it’s SO nice to get in a few little digs & get it alll out there just so you’re clear! BUT tell me, what bothers you more, if someone is mad at you & spouts off about it, or they don’t even care enough to respond, ever. Even by saying spiteful truths you are showing him you haven’t moved on, and thus, he is winning. And we can’t have that now can we!
Hmmm. . . never thought of it that way. I am a poor loser, so don’t want him to win!! 😉
Go ahead Mariette – excellent advice for a delicate topic.
Put his post back in the post box with ‘No longer at this address’ scrawled all over them. Either change your number or stop responding to his texts. Finally – sell the tools!!!!
BAIT…totally bait! One day we will stop responding to their damn bait! I must confess that I fall for it on most days. I’m suck a weakling! But, I will get stronger. I have to get stronger!! We will get stronger together
Yes, we have to, and we will!! We are not fucking fish!! Don’t take anymore bait!!
I think we should do a “bait protest!” No more bait! No more bait!!
I don’t think you’re loco. You’re human. Sometimes we need to take the bait, and sometimes we need to take the bait off the hook…Think of the most awesome friend you have. If she were in this position, what would you advise or want her to do? Many times that’s the best advice for ourselves. Keeping you in my thoughts.
I give excellent advice, but can’t seem to follow it!! LOL I would’ve told her to dump him a long time ago!!
I’ve been in your position before. And if I took the bait, it’s because deep down I still wanted the bait, the drama, the opportunity to show him I cared and the chance for him to show he cared too. Only when I finally saw the situation for what it was, decided to cut the cord, and decided I no longer cared, no longer wanted him to care – that is when you can easily ignore the bait. And that is when he will know he has lost you.
I agree with what you’re saying. I want him to miss me. It’s sick, and it’s twisted, but it would be nice to know he misses all the good shit I did for him. However, it is wasted wishing, because he is a selfish, alcoholic fuck stick, and it will never happen. I just need to deal with what happened, let it go, and get on with my life. Thanks for reading and commenting!!
You deserve to be appreciated, and he might…one day…but that could be years from now. I’ve gotten my apologies…but they were years later. His apology will barely make up for what you’ve already done for him, will it also make up for all the time you wasted waiting on it? He might grow up one day and realize how good you were to him, but that epiphany will come from himself and is beyond your control. It’s much easier said than done to let it all go, so I hope you have your “ah ha moment” where your heart feels what your brain does and you can have some peace:)
I am just talking the talk until I can walk the walk at this point. I am actually pretty quick to forgive, something which doesn’t always benefit me, but usually gives me peace a bit quicker. 🙂 In reality, I think he will probably drink himself to death, which saddens me, but I have no control over his ultimate self-destruction. I am thinking I won’t waste time waiting on his apology, but let karma take care of it!
Sounds like you’ve got a plan!
Well, maybe not an actual plan, but I really don’t have any desire to waste anymore time on him than I already have!! lol