I did something stupid last night. After attending a party, and getting slightly inebriated, I texted The Fuck Stick. Yes, I used to refer to him as The Cowboy, but there’s really nothing cowboy-like about him except he wears boots and can rope some shit, so he will now be referred to as The Fuck Stick. Back to my stupidity. It was late, I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself, and lonely, and this is what it said: “Can you just admit to me that I was a convenience and you never cared about me? Because that’s how I feel.” He didn’t respond. He still hasn’t responded, and most likely he won’t. That’s okay. I think his not responding is telling. I don’t think he cares about me at all. I know that may seem strange that I wonder if he cares about me, but I do. Does he have the capacity to care about me? I don’t know. I just really don’t know anything right now, except that I am lonely. I know I will get past all this, but right now it’s still sucking. I have decided I am just going to be proud of the fact I didn’t tell him I miss him, or some sort of stupid shit like that.