The Instant You Know
So here’s how it went down. I got a text from him around 6 last night, asking if he could come get some clothes. Because he’s such a dumbass, that when he had come Sunday morning to get stuff, he didn’t take any clothes with him. I told him yes, and then felt sick to my stomach that I had to let him in the house again.
He knocks, I let him in. He looks at me like I’m supposed to say something. I say nothing. He asks, “What are you still mad or something??”. I ask, “What do you want me to say?”. He starts carting drawers from his dresser out the door. He wants to know if I’ll “at least” open the door for him, so he “can be out of my hair” (which sounds like another total martyr statement to me). He asks if I had a nice afternoon with my son, I reply yes, that I did, all the while wondering why he would even ask. Another trip out the door, and he says to me, “Aren’t you glad your son wasn’t around to see any of it?!?”. Yes, I was very glad he wasn’t around to see any of it. Back in the door, he asks if the rent on the storage shed is due on the same day every month, and I bite my tongue from saying, “Yes, dumbass, responsible adults figure that shit out, not to mention the fact I have told you numerous times!!”. I simply tell him yes, and he volunteers the information that he paid it yesterday morning. I say I thought he hadn’t gotten paid. He asks what I said, claims he didn’t hear me, and I tell him it doesn’t matter anyway. This irritates him. Out the door, and he tells me that he guesses I am right, and that it doesn’t matter. In again, and one last thing to take out the door, he stops in the kitchen and asks if it’s okay if he leaves the bed awhile longer. I say yes, and I tell him this wasn’t how I wanted things to turn out. He says, “Well, that’s what happens when you beat the shit out of me.” What the fuck?? I tell him the only reason I hit him, was because I was tired of him hitting me, and after him cutting my face open earlier in the evening I wasn’t going to take it anymore. He says he was only hitting my hat, that he wasn’t hitting my face. I ask if he was only hitting my hat, how is it I have a fat lip? He then proceeds to tell me that I gave him a scratch on his arm, and his hand swelled up a little bit. I tell him that probably happened when I was trying to get his fucking hands off my throat because he was choking the shit out of me. He tells me that he only choked me because I wouldn’t stop hitting him. I told him I have a right to defend myself. He says the problem always is that I never know when to shut the fuck up. He says, just like now, you don’t know when to stop fucking talking, and he walks out the door.
In that instant I know. I know I will never take him back. I will never take him back, because next time, he might not take his hands off my throat. Next time, he might just kill me. You see, he has no remorse. No remorse whatsoever. He thinks I am at fault. He believes I brought everything on myself. He believes I deserved it. Fuck him. I know he’s wrong.
Fat Bottom Girl Said What 
You are right. Stay strong in your decision.
I am doing my best!! 🙂
I know a million people have probably already said it, but I won’t sleep unless I’ve done it too. For the sake of the next silly girl (you are really not alone in feeling like that), report him. Give those photos to the police. Show your son that women deserve respect (he sounds like he has a good Dad there).
Yes, others have told me I should, but I won’t. I don’t want to invoke anymore ire, and I have seen before how the “restraining order” system works in my county. I restrains no one. I want his stuff out of my house, and want him out of my life. Don’t want to have to deal with seeing him in court at some point in the future because I have pressed charges. I just can’t do it.
Just doesn’t seem fair. Keep on hanging in there xx
GURL….oh Ida held that damn door. Right between his head. Ida cold cocked his ass one more time….and his FKN ass woulda remembered it everytime he looked in the FKN mirror.
Shuga, you NEED YOU AN ANGLER. SHO NUF! Let me help you….
lol. . . .it takes a lot to get me pissed off enough to hit someone. I don’t like that he brings those kind of feelings out in me, because I’m not a violent person. I really would like to punch him in the dick though.
Punch him?
I’m sorry…huh?
My name is Lorena….
lol
Take the bed and whatever else remains of his shit in your house, stick it outside in the yard. Send a text and let him know it’s outside. If it rains, snows, or catches on fire, oh fucking well. Tell him to have it picked up by Sunday or you’ll have a charity come fetch it. Change the locks. Never allow him in your house again, never speak or text again.
If you won’t do that then demand that he schedule a time to come and get his crap and have a police officer present. It sounds like he’s looking for a reason to start up a fight and take another swing if you ask me.
He is a sociopath and an abuser. He needs to be in jail because he’s gonna do it to someone else. Maybe though the justice system he will be forced to get some much needed counseling.
I would’ve moved the bed already, if I could’ve, but it’s a king, and I can’t heft the mattress by myself. I do think it’s probably best to have someone present the next time he comes, so I won’t have to listen to anymore of his bullshit spewing about what victim he is. I know he seems to think I always give him a reason to be physically violent with me, so I am sure he could find some reason to do it again.
This is the first day of the rest of your life. You are stronger. You love your son, and you can make good choices. Those cuts will heal, and hopefully you will grow proud of you. One step at a time.
I remember when I was nursing I met a lovely nurse. We had a battered mum in who had broken ribs, a broken collar bone and a black eye. She had taken two buses to the hospital as she was too embarrassed to go to her own hospital again. She refused admission as she was afraid for her kids and had to be home for her husband at 5pm.
I was so upset seeing her leave. I said to the other nurse “how ridiculous was that” and “why would she stay, especially with children?”, The nurse turned to me and said “It is not that easy”. Something in the way she said it made me look at her twice. Later she told me she was in a very abusive relationship for four years. He physically and mentally tortured her. In the end her father broke in when she was at home ( she was locked in when he went out) and her dad “kidnapped” her. She said it took over 6 months but eventually she was able to kick him out of her past and future. That was many years before and she was at the time I met her married with children.
I write this only to say “YOU CAN”.
Thank you so much. I don’t know how I got myself into this situation. I suppose out of my desire to be loved, but this isn’t love, and I know I have to leave it behind. Thanks for being supportive!!
He knows he’s wrong. He knows he blew it for the last time. He knows you’re right. And he knows admitting any of those things means admitting he has a problem he can’t handle. What YOU need to remember is that it’s his problem, and not your job to handle again. Ever.
I think he does know he’s wrong, but he uses his usual defense mechanism, which is denial. You know it’s not just a river in Egypt!! Yes, it is his problem. I can’t even begin to heal a soul that’s as broken as his. Plus, I have some work to do on my own. 😉
Absolutely right. You can’t sacrifice your on soul to fix his. For you, and for your son.
I refuse to sacrifice for him anymore!!
FBG – the last few months I have been pulling myself out of some similar shit – the people around me could not grasp and / or believe what I was telling them, that this guy could really be all that scary up close, but I found some solace on the internet that has helped get me through – here’s a few sites, I’ll see if I can find more – http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/
http://ladywithatruck.com/about/
http://www.lovefraud.com/
Thank you dear!! This isn’t the first time I have had to pull myself out of an abusive relationship. You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson the first time, huh? The first one wasn’t physical like this, emotional and psychological, and sometimes that’s worse. I think what has pushed me to be done so early on in this one–this is only the third incident–is that it shows on my face. My son saw it, for fuck’s sake, and I can’t have that!! I hope you are doing well, and thanks so much for the sites. I will check them out soon. 🙂
Narcisists always tell you that it is your fault. They need you to feel crazy to vindicate their behavior and allow you to override your rationale to tak them back. It’s essential to their neurosis to be forgiven.
Narcissists will always hit you again. They have no empathy. He has proved himself to be one and don’t ever take him back. Especially when he turns on the charm, which will probably be his next course of action. Don’t listen to him and don’t believe him. No one deserves that.
I don’t believe he is a narcissist, but I do believe he is a VERY sick alcoholic. Either way, I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth, because he is a lying piece of shit. I won’t be taking him back, because he is like poison, and would kill me slowly.
I apologize for the confusion, as they both have similar tendencies. Though your instincts are on point and I’m glad for you.
It’s okay. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist, and have been gaslighted. This current asshat displays very typical alcoholic behavior–the world revolves around him, and his “victim” status gives him plenty of reasons to drink. It’s kind of sad, considering he could change his life, but chooses not to.
What a ass!! Stand strong!! If you feel like giving in let me know I will stand strong with you!! You can do this!!
Thanks!!
Been there. The ‘enough’ state. Sending you love right now x
Thanks, need all the ❤ I can get right now!! 🙂
I hope you never shut the fuck up. Never. Not here. Not in your day to day life. Not anywhere. You don’t deserve this. Nope. You deserve to be heard. And to be loved. And you will be.
I hope some day a man will come along who wants to hear every word I have to say. Who never gets tired of hearing anything that comes out of my mouth. I just keep hoping. . .
Gotta keep hoping. I never thought I would find mine… and as luck would have it, just like people always say, I didn’t find him until I stopped looking.
I am going to have to really focus on me, & doing what makes me happy, and then maybe that guy will show up. 🙂
I am living proof that it happens, mama.