States of Being
This morning I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. I want to break down and cry. I want to run screaming out of my office and jump in my car and drive to you as fast as I can, so I can see your face. I want you to make me feel better. I want you to fix what is wrong inside me. I want you to tell me that I am good and that you love even the broken parts of me. I want, I want, I want…
Why is it that no response to a text message sent to you can send me into such a tailspin? What is so fucked about my self-esteem that I can’t cope if you don’t respond right away when I am in a vulnerable state. And why can’t I just leave that state behind?
Wants…I imagine that I want all these things, but in the end, what’s more important is what I need. I need to learn to be okay with me, regardless of what’s going on around me. How in the fuck do I do that?