3:30 am – sling tits over side of bed, step on tit getting out of bed, sling tits over shoulders
3:32 am – dip tits in toilet while sitting down for the morning pee
3:35 am – get on treadmill for morning jog, try to hold tits up, but trip over tits and bang face on treadmill resulting in 2 black eyes
4:00 am – shower, put on makeup to cover up 2 black eyes, and try to decide on outfit that camouflages tits minus bra
4:30 am – make breakfast, burn nipple on burner
4:40 am – sit down to scrambled eggs and cheese, burn other nipple in hot cheese
5:00 am – stop at convenience store for gas, get out of car, slam tit in door, remove tit from door, attempt to pump gas and get other tit caught in squeeze handle, finally get tit loose when tank is full
5:15 am – go back home and put fucking bra on, because what’s the fucking point of this day?
I wrote this, obviously, with my tongue in my cheek. Breast cancer is a serious thing, but I don’t for one second believe that walking around all day with my tits drooping is going to bring awareness to breast cancer, anymore than guys walking around with their bollocks hanging out would bring attention to testicular cancer.
Honestly, I feel #NoBraDay is merely another way to sexualize boobs, and cloud the issue.
Men get to grow their facial hair to bring awareness to men’s cancers, but women should run around with their nipples showing to remind everyone that boobs can kill?
Boobs are many things—they’re sexual, they’re functional, they’re beautiful. They come in many shapes and sizes. And they can be deadly, just like so many other areas on a woman.
Ladies, be kind to your body and yourself, and get regular check-ups and mammograms. Guys, remind your ladies to take care of themselves because you want them around not only for the long haul, but to run their fingers through your beard during #Movember.