You do this to my heart
though not as beautiful
not nearly as beautiful
because you rip it open
jagged edges
rivers of blood flowing
no kind words from your lips
to stanch the bleeding
only more
slashing
of your bowie knife
until you stand victorious
my last pulse of life
throbbing in your hand
arm outstretched over your head
ever the hunter
and me lying
dead
merely another trophy
to be mounted
above your bar
I imagine. . .
that some day
someone will start a fire in my heart again
it will be like the hearth in an igloo
warming me from the inside
while I remain outwardly icy
He will chip away
at my frozen exterior
saving the shavings in a paper cone
for one day when we will drizzle sugared syrup over it
and celebrate the melting
of me, the polar ice cap
Photo Credit: FreeDOOm deviant art
The disappointment of it
settles into my bones
a familiar ache
which leaves my heart
barely beating
loath to continue it’s syncopated dance
to the melody of hope
which is now silenced
How quickly and cruelly
some things are taken from us
Knowledge forced
though not desired
I now see the illusionist’s trick
Self deception
the emptiness
(I am an empty vessel)
is acute first thing in the morning
when all I wanted was for it
(the cavern of my heart)
to be filled by dreams in the night
(snapshots of what your love might feel like)
but my mind only knows
(harsh words and lies)
and can’t begin to conceive
(trust, respect, devotion)
and fear I am best left to
become a husk
It was the smell of old beer exhaled from lungs passing across a dip of Skoal that brought it all back. . .
hands tightening around my throat
threatening to stop the flow of precious air
knowing that he thought so little of me
that he didn’t care whether I lived or died
and that if he killed me he would feel no remorse
because he would believe
until his last breath
permeated with the smell of Bud Light and chew
that I deserved it
my heart has been replaced
by a large stone
which sits heavy in my chest
pumping only doubt and denial
viscous
fortifying
steeling my being
against the inevitable moment
when you decide
I’m not worth it
It’s frigid outside
just like it feels you are to me at times
I seek heat from you
the warmth of your words
and your body
though you often leave me
chilled to the bone
unsure if you will ever
bring me your fire again
I want
a safe place to lay my head
your shoulder
your chest
the crook of your arm
I want
you to calm my mind with
your touch
your kiss
the sound of your heartbeat
The rumble of the thunder reminds me
that I used to be fierce
I felt the fire in my belly
and I was strong and unafraid
How long has it been now
since I was that person
I can’t recall
She still resides within me
and rears her head
now and then
only to disappear again
when the anxiety returns
And today it seems nothing will satisfy
but you
I pace
cross my legs and swing my foot
run my fingers through my hair
habitually dart my tongue back and forth over my bottom teeth
all of me
is seeking the sensation of you
my mind
cannot be silent
it searches for
the feel of your fingertips on my skin
the taste of you on my lips
the soothing tones of your voice
I want to
fall into you
and get lost for a few hours
bodies perspiring in tangled sheets
and the sound of your heartbeat in my ear
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