My body has become
my legs merely carry me through days of loneliness
my arms no longer know how to embrace a man
my hands have forgotten how to alight upon skin to bring pleasure
and only go through the motions of sustainment
my heart serves only to syncopate the silence of singlehood
What is left when your body has forgotten how to live?
I have know a variety of people over the years and all to my benefit. I have found that persons without a partner due to loss of love, life and or simply by fate are the ones I find are invested in conversations of meaning and purpose. One of my truest likes in life. An oddity to say the lest in my time thus far.
Being a partner for most of my adult life, I have often wondered if I would have liked being without a partner in comparison. To ask a single person such personal questions would be an ultimate act of rudeness and thus, I have never had. Sure, I have the odd occassion where a couple of “too many wines were had” and the urge would surfice but never to the point of tongue.
My world is completly saturated with family activity and at times, overwhelming. A person of various hats I guess but for some reason, I still think back to what it would have been like if I had not married and produced offspring.
And being married for some time now and fortunately to probably the best person in the world and with a devotional love for me and family that I should never have thoughts of another lifesyle but I still wonder what the world of singlehood truly feels like. My inner most understanding of myself tells me that I would wither like flowers in the fall without my wife. So why the longer for the feeling of a different lifestyle than the one I am happy with. Curiousity is a most belwildering human trait.
Thanks for letting ramble and show my confussion of such matters.
I have always been a person who needed people, and wanted to be surrounded by them, and now I’m a loner. I have lived both sides, and am comfortable with neither at this point.
So where does one go from there? Both sides of the coin have been disappointing to date. It gives me thought as to what would I feel like, having knowing the one side only. A perplexing conundrum indeed.
There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides.
Advantages and or verses Disadvantages. With your experience thus far, I will have to side with you on this. Being perhaps a wee bit over inquisitive and admittedly rude, but I have to ask. Is it difficult in readjusting from marriage to single lifestyle?
I’ve been divorced 17 years at this point, and single for many more years than I’ve ever been in relationships, but I think it depends on what the relationship was like. I’ve found being single after most relationships I’ve had to be a major relief–it felt like a sunny, open field filled with wildflowers, as compared to being kept in a prison cell.
You do indeed sound like a very solid person. I appreciate your candor on the topic. Life is a mystery. It contains many varied circumstances that act as a pathway during our being.
There is not a day goes by that the mind does not question both the tangible and the intangible. Perhaps in the depths of ourselves, without questions, our existence would be drabe, colourless and robotic.