Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

Pick, Pick, Pick

prometheus

 

 

I think I’ve reached my breaking point with everything–this blog, Twitter, Facebook.

It’s like all of them only continue to prove to me, that I’m less than everyone else.

I’m not as good a writer as all these other people.

I’m not as funny as these other people.

I don’t fit in.

I stand out.

I’m too smart.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m too liberal.

I’m not fearful enough of absolutely every fucking thing around me.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

That’s what all of it screams.

As I compare follower numbers, and likes, and retweets.

You know, I remember a time, not so long ago, when I liked myself.

I thought I was a pretty cool chick.

I thought I was well read, and creative, and attractive, and funny.

And then social media crept in.

And now I don’t feel those things anymore.

I feel constantly judged for everything I post, or re-post, or comment.

It’s like I’m Prometheus, atop a social media rock, and my self-esteem is constantly being picked at, until one day there will be nothing left.

Am I meant to suffer this torture?

It’s all at my own hand.

I can end it. I can leave all of these places and escape back into the real world.

Read real books.

Talk to real people.

Write on real pages.

I DON’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL!

I DON’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL!

I DON’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL!

Oh yes, you do, I whisper to myself in the mirror.

 

 

 

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24 thoughts on “Pick, Pick, Pick

  1. Reblogged this on undercoverminx and commented:
    This blog seems to mirror my thoughts… Five stars xx

  2. I don’t want to like this. I know how you feel, and it’s shitty and awful. I’m sorry you have so much self-doubt, because you are unique and funny and insightful and amazing. I know I’m just a dude you talk to on social media sometimes and you have no reason to take my words to heart, but your disappearance from these places would be felt. ❤️❤️

  3. You have my approval!!! Not that you need it, because you don’t. Social media is a strange animal. Please don’t let it get you down. It’s some imaginary entity. I don’t even think it’s real. Just keep writing and, I agree, sometimes I just want real books and real people. I can totally relate!

    • I’ve become very closed off. To the point I have a hard time to relating to people, which has never been an issue for me. I make myself travel just to get out of my comfort zone.

  4. You are a brilliant writer. Your funny stuff is really funnt. so if your self assessment is so wrong on these, you are probably too critical in other areas. Is any of this stuff really real? Who knows these days.

  5. If I’m browsing and I see one of your posts I always click it and I’m never wrong!
    Social media is a blood sucking animal and it’s not always easy to be it’s boss. But it’s only as powerful and oppressive as you let it be. I like to mock it, while continuing to browse it like a mad woman. 🙂

    • I have been so down lately, I can’t be objective about it at this point. I know I should avoid, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s a real catch 22 for me. Thanks for reading Tric!

      • I’m really sorry you have been feeling down. Are you doing anything about it, or just struggling through?

      • I just struggle through. I’ve been sick lately, so that’s what has really gotten me down. Some day soon I hope to be feeling better.

  6. For what it’s worth, you have my approval! And we have even corresponded out of the blogosphere, which makes me a real person.
    I hope you can shake this, and believe in your own awesomeness. xo

  7. You know, this kind of thing is actually becoming a dilemma in the world, many people feel this way. I feel a little twang of jealousy sometimes when I see a photo that knocks me over, or I read a line in someone’s post that rocks my soul. But listen, we are who we are. I’m hoping this is just a rant because not only are we all who we are, but we are all awesome in our own ways. Doubt sucks. You don’t.

    • I’ve been plagued by self-doubt recently. I used to be a bit more self-assured, and I’m not sure where that person went. And, I’m constantly trying to figure out who I am. :/

  8. f*k soshull schmedia ! and perhaps you’re “like me” in regardz FB: I come up with an alias, gradually “bump” into and across people I sort of know, and many I don’t! and then something happens, I get in trouble (saying snarky things e.g. a couple nieces who seemingly really “don’t do shit” and yet they post that they do), and I erase that entity and start anew. axually, i’m my “real name” now, which I hadn’t done before. i’ll look for yez there !

  9. It’s the strange magic and curse of this place. Anonymity could be power and protection, but it keeps us from connecting as in real life. But, you have to trust that there are waaaay more people like you in the blogiverse who need you as much as you need them. Whether they like or comment, seeing you in their feed is a small comfort, a gift.

    • “It’s the strange magic and curse of this place. Anonymity could be power and protection, but it keeps us from connecting as in real life.” —I think this is VERY true, and it’s what messes with my mind about blogging and twitter–feeling like kindred spirits with certain people, yet not knowing them in real life, to me is such a mind fuck.

  10. I hear you but don’t take it too seriously

  11. Everyone on social media are liars. The shit they post is just them trying to convince you and themselves that their lives are interesting. Just remember- you and I are a few of the honest ones, no matter how ugly and uneloquent it is.

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