Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

I’m a surly sourpuss and

You’re. . .  fingernails on a chalkboard

and a toothache

and a paper cut with salt in it

and the itch that can’t be scratched

and the screaming neighbor kid

and a piece of hair in my mouth

and the peppercorn in between my teeth

and the underwear that crawl up my ass

and the jeans that let my ass crack hang out

and the package that never gets her on time

and the customer service agent whose English can’t be understood

and the gum on the bottom of my shoe

and the person ahead of me in line who needs a price check

and you’re the late plane

and the early departure

and the crack in the sidewalk to be tripped over

and the pizza cheese that’s too hot and sticks to the roof of my mouth

and the lukewarm coffee

and the slow driver

and the road construction

and the black ice

and the long nose hair

and the pen that runs out of ink halfway through my signature

and the sold item in the store that I went there special for

and the bum wheel on the grocery cart

and the bird shit on my freshly washed car

and the hole in my favorite pants

and the broken underwire in my bra

 

You’re just annoying the fuck out of me, so get out of here and leave me alone.

 

 

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

6 thoughts on “I’m a surly sourpuss and

  1. Way to capture all the joys in life 🙂

  2. How do you really feel? 😉

  3. Got here via Susie and had an out-loud laugh over this. Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Caffeinated Cyclist

emptiness personified

Dirty, Naked & Happy

is currently taking a break from blogging x

Playing for Time

"How did it get so late so soon?" ~Dr. Seuss

The Things I learnt

Happy Vibes ❤

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

The Roar Sessions

A weekly series edited by Jena Schwartz

Ella Dawson

My business is generally pleasurable.

Beth Teliho

Read. Ingest the words. Like little blue pills, they will affect you.

kirilson photography

the stories behind the pictures, and vice versa

SAINTSWEST

Just my thoughts for all to behold

Book Snob

FOR DISCERNING READERS

An Obvious Oblivion Blog

🍃 Fully Living The Unfinished Things Of Life Through Writings. 🍃

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Lou Times Two

top knot wearin' mama to twin girls

Sweet Spell

A baking and dessert blog.

Tangled Up In Music

Music Reviews (and other things)

Yeah, Another Blogger

An Arts-Filled And Tasty Jaunt Through Life

Budgie Bigelow's Blog

Finely crafted short fiction & stories

Annabel Vita

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

insert witticism

The home of Emma O'Brien

shatteredtalon's Blog

The musings of a scorpion who would have been an eagle

Buffalo Tom Peabody's blog 2

The 9 Lives of Buffalo Tom Peabody, Gunther Tootie, Ignatius “IGGY” Rattlebottom-Bunn, Larry "Bubba" Flowers & Doodlesack. NO AWARDS. please.

knowingkimberly

I blog now. I know, I can't believe it either.

Part-Time Monster

I eat books for breakfast.

The Reluctant Cat Owner's Journal

Gay humor writer writing about cats, cat care, life, and the adventures of being gay.

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

Stop Me If I Told You This...

MUSINGS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC STORYTELLER

%d bloggers like this: