That’s 2 years in case you’re not a math geek. As you could probably tell, I am not even close to being a math geek. Geek, yes, but not in a mathy sort of way. Just the other day Word Press, in it’s “let me keep track of every little annoying milestone sort of way”, reminded me that I officially registered with them 2 years ago. Yes, thank you, I hear your little golf clap coming from the back of the room; thanks for the enthusiasm. To tell you the truth, I can’t get very enthusiastic about it myself, because when I look back on the last two years, it doesn’t seem as if I have come very far.
I started this blog not only because I enjoy writing, but also because I have found writing helps keep me sane. Those of you who read regularly know this hold on sanity is tenuous at best, but dammit I do try!! So, a cousin of mine had a blog, pointed me to Word Press, and another blogger was born! The beginning of my blog also happened to coincide with the ending of a relationship. Of course being my life, it wasn’t a simple parting of ways, but a Jerry Springeresque ending, with another of his “girlfriends” contacting me via text message to let me know I wasn’t the only one he had on the string. In hindsight, I knew something hadn’t been quite right with the relationship, or him, and after some research, concluded that he seemed to be a classic narcissist. Which, in itself, was a great relief to me, because I thought I was going crazy, but he was simply employing some very common gaslighting techniques. Just coincidence that his favorite band is The Gaslight Anthem? I think not!
I took to the blog with vengeance for the narcissist, and was met with some kindred souls who had also encountered some of the same kinds of slime bags. It made me feel so much better. Always makes a girl feel better to know that she’s not the only one who has been duped! After spewing the poison I needed to, in order to rid me of that relationship, I jumped back into the murky waters of the dating pool. I shared experiences about my disastrous dating life along the way, and last December started sharing about the latest in a long line of losers, The Fuck Stick. And you all know that ended badly!
Anyhoo, got me to thinking about the bullshit from men I have allowed myself to be subjected to over the last two years. And now I am asking myself, “What the fuck?” No, not just “What the fuck?”, but, “For the love of fucking fuck’s sake, what in the motherfucking bloody hell am I doing, for fuck??” Obviously, I am doing everything all wrong. Yes, even though these guys are big douche bags and fuck sticks, maybe I am attracting them because of. . . .ME. Yep, I said it. I think I have to change me. In order to attract the kind of guy I want, I am going to have to change some things about myself. I’m not saying drastic changes, not like my personality or anything, because we all know that totally rocks, but things like, not being so generous with someone who doesn’t deserve it, or not putting up with a man who isn’t respectful of me, or, not giving up the things I want to do in order just to hang out with a guy if he isn’t willing to do the same. Basically, stop setting aside my needs, and my happiness, for everyone else. What the fuck did you just say?? Yes, I said it. Gotta do it. It’s time to make ME, a priority in my life. Holy hell, I’ve got my work cut out for me. I hope you will continue to read as I try to cut this new path for myself.
Much love to all of you!! Now excuse me while I blow out some fucking candles.