Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

63,113,852 Seconds

"Happy Birthday to Me!!" Photo Credit:  graphpaperpress.com

“Happy Birthday to Me!!”
Photo Credit: graphpaperpress.com

That’s 2 years in case you’re not a math geek. As you could probably tell, I am not even close to being a math geek. Geek, yes, but not in a mathy sort of way. Just the other day Word Press, in it’s “let me keep track of every little annoying milestone sort of way”, reminded me that I officially registered with them 2 years ago. Yes, thank you, I hear your little golf clap coming from the back of the room; thanks for the enthusiasm. To tell you the truth, I can’t get very enthusiastic about it myself, because when I look back on the last two years, it doesn’t seem as if I have come very far.

I started this blog not only because I enjoy writing, but also because I have found writing helps keep me sane. Those of you who read regularly know this hold on sanity is tenuous at best, but dammit I do try!! So, a cousin of mine had a blog, pointed me to Word Press, and another blogger was born! The beginning of my blog also happened to coincide with the ending of a relationship. Of course being my life, it wasn’t a simple parting of ways, but a Jerry Springeresque ending, with another of his “girlfriends” contacting me via text message to let me know I wasn’t the only one he had on the string. In hindsight, I knew something hadn’t been quite right with the relationship, or him, and after some research, concluded that he seemed to be a classic narcissist. Which, in itself, was a great relief to me, because I thought I was going crazy, but he was simply employing some very common gaslighting techniques. Just coincidence that his favorite band is The Gaslight Anthem? I think not!

I took to the blog with vengeance for the narcissist, and was met with some kindred souls who had also encountered some of the same kinds of slime bags. It made me feel so much better. Always makes a girl feel better to know that she’s not the only one who has been duped! After spewing the poison I needed to, in order to rid me of that relationship, I jumped back into the murky waters of the dating pool. I shared experiences about my disastrous dating life along the way, and last December started sharing about the latest in a long line of losers, The Fuck Stick. And you all know that ended badly!

Anyhoo, got me to thinking about the bullshit from men I have allowed myself to be subjected to over the last two years. And now I am asking myself, “What the fuck?” No, not just “What the fuck?”, but, “For the love of fucking fuck’s sake, what in the motherfucking bloody hell am I doing, for fuck??” Obviously, I am doing everything all wrong. Yes, even though these guys are big douche bags and fuck sticks, maybe I am attracting them because of. . . .ME. Yep, I said it. I think I have to change me. In order to attract the kind of guy I want, I am going to have to change some things about myself. I’m not saying drastic changes, not like my personality or anything, because we all know that totally rocks, but things like, not being so generous with someone who doesn’t deserve it, or not putting up with a man who isn’t respectful of me, or, not giving up the things I want to do in order just to hang out with a guy if he isn’t willing to do the same. Basically, stop setting aside my needs, and my happiness, for everyone else. What the fuck did you just say?? Yes, I said it. Gotta do it. It’s time to make ME, a priority in my life. Holy hell, I’ve got my work cut out for me. I hope you will continue to read as I try to cut this new path for myself.

Much love to all of you!! Now excuse me while I blow out some fucking candles.

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25 thoughts on “63,113,852 Seconds

  1. I heard you’re good at blowing. Congrats on two years!

    Hey, just a tip. Your tags are hilarious, but if you want more people to find your stuff, you have to leave simple, broad tags. For example: love, relationships, life, math, funny, humor, comedy. You get the idea. Try it. Trust me, you’ll get more views because it will come up in the reader. That’s if if you want more views. Just a friendly tip from a dimwit!!!


    • Good tip! Just the tip. . . not the whole thing! bwahaha Just kidding!! I will try it, and include them in with my crazy, rambling tags, and see what happens.

      Oh, and what you heard is correct! πŸ˜‰

      • Oh yeahhhh. I knew it πŸ™‚

      • Too bad I seem to waste these made skills on a bunch of fuck sticks, huh??

      • Fo sho. Consider it practice. Now you’ve got the art perfected. Put it on the resume and go land the next one πŸ™‚

      • Maybe this time I should make a guy chase me! lol

      • Well, perhaps. I’ve been trying that method for 35 years and it hasn’t worked. I think it’s mostly a Hollywood bullshit theory. Try making a nice dating profile similar to mine, and the men will be beating down your door, no doubt. Wear a turtleneck for your photo. Gets ’em every time. Dating sucks. I’d rather write Photoshop tutorials and meet up with gals from [omitted for privacy reasons] and drink Bloody Mary’s with olives and pickles.

      • I am a terrible dater, but I am the best kind of getting together to drink Bloody Mary’s with pickles and olives kind of girl you would ever want to meet!! πŸ™‚

        Just so you know, turtlenecks make me feel quite claustrophobic.

  2. You’re right I think your personality rocks! Never change for anyone, but maybe value yourself more. Any relationship should be 50/50. Cheers to your blogs birthday! ( Any excuse)

  3. Happy WordPress Birthday and here’s to many more! Glad I found ya, girlie.

    A little navel-gazing never hurt anyone, and sometimes we see things we never have seen before. Now it’s time to make yourself a new playlist, starting with Sheryl Crow: A Change Will Do You Good. There’s a whole long list of ‘fresh start’ tunes, way beyond Gloria Gaynor.

    Music always helps. So does dancing alone in the middle of the living room, singing at the top of your lungs, “I’ve been thinking ’bout catching a train/
    Leave my phone machine by the radar range/Hello, it’s me, I’m not at home/
    If you’d like to reach me then leave me alone!”

    • How did you know I dance alone in the middle of my living room??? πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the bday wishes, and I’m glad you found me too!!

      • heh heh …of course you do — all the cool kids dance by themselves!

        So let’s sink another drink…cuz it’ll give me time to think/If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance, and I’ll be dancing with myself…

  4. Happy blog bday. You rock!

  5. Kira on said:

    Happy 63,113,852 Seconds Birthday!!! I am walking a very similar trail, my friend. Trying to find the me I want to be…not the me that has been! I know I’m looking at Mt Everest right now, but I’ve always been one to rise to a challenge. Hiking boots…check! Protein bars…check! iTunes music…check! New life…check! I’m really proud of you xoxo

    • Thank you dear, and here’s the tune I want you to put in your head right now: “Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you”. . . .because I want us to challenge each other to become the types of women, that the really great guys we want in our lives, will want in their lives. Get it?? Game on!!

      • Girl, you always get me grinning!!! Now that dang song is gonna be stuck in my head! Lol. I love a challenge…I got it…and I’ve got game πŸ™‚ xoxo

  6. I agree, you gotta look after you, nobody else in this wide fucking world would do it.
    Watch your back and the priority must be always you.
    Congrats for these 2 years.
    And I loved the tags, I’m all about long tags, tags are like a chance of saying something you don’t wanna say out loud, it’s a like secret for those who read the tags.

    • Thanks!! I am always curious as to who reads the tags, so after this post, now I know a couple of you do. I think they’re fun, and I always like to come up with crazy stuff to put on there. πŸ™‚

  7. Dunno ’bout you, but I’m thinking of doing a man-fast, love-fast kind of thing, as in NO DATING for maybe a year. That’s my plan to get out of the habit of dating assholes, getting a handle on my life and my priorities, and when I feel like I’m really wading deep in all the things I love about my life, make sure that anyone who comes through the door is only going to make things better….
    Happy Blog-B-day πŸ™‚

    • I tried that after the first abusive relationship I was in. The first guy I dated was the narcissist, but I failed to follow my gut on that one; red flags & flashing neon signs, but I failed to follow them. I think a hiatus is necessary, but I won’t put a time limit on it. I have plenty of projects around my house to keep me busy, one if which was a door knob I installed last night in 15 minutes that he failed to install in over 2 weeks!! :). Like you, I will dive into MY life, & constantly try to remember what is important to me! I am also pissed because I wasted more money on a man & will NEVER make that same mistake again. Muck luck to you, & I will be reading to hear of your progress!! Of course I will be looking at your photos too, because I love those!!

      • Well congrats on that door knob!
        Glad you are enjoying the photos…so am I! Fun new hobby….

      • I have always wanted to get a really good camera, but never have done it. I always like to see what kind of pictures I can get on my phone. Some of them have turned out pretty good.

  8. It’s weird. When you blew out your WP candles, my blog flickered.

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